Introducing a new boyfriend to my son

[Rosietheriveter28]

Hi - long time lurker but this is my first post. Sorry if it ends up being a bit long.

I've been a single mum now for nearly 10 years but had my son when I was 17. I split from his father when my son was about 10 months old (domestic violence) and my son hasn't seen or heard from him since.

In between then and now, I've been lucky enough to maintain a semblance of a relatively normal dating life - although one that I've purposely kept very separate from my son. There hasn't really been anything remotely serious for over 5 years. There was, however one relationship that lasted 2 years and I know my son was upset when it ended, even though he was very young.

I've now met someone who I feel I want to settle down with - or at least, give it a good go and I know he feels the same. He's perfectly comfortable with my son(he's been a friend for ages and has stayed over on occasions before, as have many other friends - both male and female - my sofa is often a haven for wayward strays :D)So he's not unknown to my son but I feel it might be the time to explain to my son that this guy is my boyfriend. But where do I start? My son is now 11 and is also mildly autistic. We've got round any awkward questions so far by being deliberately unaffectionate to each other when he is around, but I'm sure my son will start guessing soon that he's spending a great deal of time with us.

I've been determined that so far he doesn't get hurt by men coming in and out of his life - but how far do I need to take that?

Sorry for potentially rambling but would appreciate any advice / pearls of wisdom / opinions.

I think you sound like a wonderful woman who deserves some happiness and therefore you should sit your son down and tell him the truth.
Any relationship could fail but you've been as cautious as possible without actually putting your life completely at the bottom of the list and now its time to be brave.

And really happy for you too x

I agree with secondMrsS you sound like a fantastic mum who deserves some happiness.

It's always tricky I involved ds at a very early stage in my last relationship as I wanted new partner and ds to accept each other & get along but it mean't when the relationship didn't work out ds got hurt aswell:(

By the sounds of it you've done things just right giving ds a chance to get used to your partner being around in an informal way.

The next thing I would do as secondMrs S says is to sit down with ds and explain things properly. I have a brother with Aspergers syndrome (a mild form of autism) and I think your ds may be concerned about how your relationship will affect him so you'll need to be reassurring tell him that you love him & that will never change but have space in your heart to love your new partner aswell. You might want to talk about any change in routine as slight changes in routine can disrupt a person with autism eg who will go in the bathroom first on nights your partner stays over.

I'm sure if you're open & honest things will work out just fine. Good luck

Thanks both :) I suppose what I was looking for was some reassurance that introducing him at all was ok. (Don't ever google this btw - the 'advice' is that you are a selfish slut for even considering to move on and might as well live as a hermit until your DC reach 18)

Your replies have given me some confidence :)