4 year old and overnight contact

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hi guys, some advice and your experiences please! my girls dad wants her to stay overnight at his for the first time but he's only one bedroom so she'd sleep in his bed and he says he'd sleep on sofa. im not very happy with this. but what do you think? shes never been overnight with him. hes never lived with us. xxx thanx xxx

Yes she does often sleep in my bed, but she always starts off in her own bed and she has her own space. i know that when she gets older she'll probably make her own choice and decision about whether she wants to sleep in his (grotty!) bed x

yes i know its going to come soon, i guess im just worried she'll like it more at his! she sees him for two full days a week and she doesn't ask about him in between or seem to be mad about seeing him so i guess im just being paranoid! xx

My Dd is 4 and has not had much to do with her father yet as I have a lot of bad feeling for him.

I know that once he returns from working abroad ~ probably at the end of the year, he'll be asking for overnight contact too. I also worry that she'll prefer his place/him to mine/me...he has plenty of money to throw at her and I have none etc etc...I don't know about being paranoid, but I feel much the same as you do.

When I saw the first post, i was a bit confused over what the issue was. Later its clear.

Kids at the age of 4 are pretty straight forward. They see whats in front of them and thats that. So yes, it could be a case that she has FUN with her dad. Is that really a bad thing for a girl to have?

This is one of those times you need put aside your own fears and do whats best for your daughter.

Good luck

Yes, I guess so maryz :(

For me, an added worry is that he'd take her away abroad or something similar.

OP why would it be a problem her sleeping in his bed? just let her stay, he's her dad.

It can by truely awful for you that first night away from you your dc. I still remember how panicy and upset I was and how completely alien it felt waking up to a quiet house the next day.
And yes it was ME that felt like this, not my ds. He had a whale of a time and didn't miss me at all!
I on the other hand phoned at bed time, phoned after bedtime to see if he had settled, and then phoned again in the morning to check all was ok... And of course it was all fine.

Re the bed issue perhaps ask your ex to sort something more permanent out. Presumably he'll be staying at his current place for some time. Is he sleeping in the sofa?
He should perhaps consider getting a put you up style bed like this and making her own space somewhere
www.amazon.co.uk/Worlds-Apart-Flowers-Butterflies-Ready/dp/B000093HG2
or a fold out bed like this maybe

www.bedkingdom.co.uk/just4kidz-kids-z-bed.html?utm_source=GoogleShopping&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=GoogleShopping

thanks guys x think niceguy2 you got a point over the grass is greener thing. ohforboonessake i guess im just wanting for her what she got here with me, a space to call her own, but ive thought about it and i'm gonna talk to my girls dad. i talked to her today about it just to plant the idea.xxx

i think it is very easy to slip into a 'no' frame of mind wheneevr it comes to requests from your EX. when i first spearated from my EX, he was a drug addict and when i gave birth to ds1 i was very protective over him. i said no to EXP driving him anywhere, no to this, no to that. it took for my best friend to sit me down and say "look, he isn't asking to do anything that you dont already do with ds" which was true. i think keeping an open mind and starting of with a yes attitude can help you to relax about it.