Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Asbent Fathers

16 replies

shazlm · 14/02/2011 20:29

My 12year old has never met his father despite DNA proof when he was a baby and his dad pays maintenance through CSA.His Father has ignored every letter we have ever sent so just carries on with his life as if he never had a child my son has never even seen a photo as I don't have one and he and his family refuse to send him one.Today i wrote this poem;

You have missed so much I am sad to say
I am the only one who can feel proud today
Because on me he can depend
Sometimes I am his only friend
For you were not there to wipe his tears
Or to gently wish away his fears
His first steps you did not see
No because he came toddling to me
His first word you do not know
You even missed him in his first show
His first day at school he stood so proud
But you were not waiting in the crowd
For all of these things he can count on me
Because by his side I will always be
You see I am his mum and proud to be
But you are his Dad and ashamed of he
Well ashamed of yourself is how it should be
Cause you are no man and never will be
But it is time to face your responsibility
When he stands beside you fully grown
Maybe then you will admit he is your own
He will be more of a man than you ever could be
And all of that is thanks to me
A very proud Mum I will always be.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
gettingeasier · 14/02/2011 20:37

shazlm can I ask the circumstances you were in with your ds' father when you became pregnant ?

Original poster
shazlm · 14/02/2011 20:41

We were in a short but relationship but had split before I found out I was pregnant

OP posts:
gettingeasier · 14/02/2011 20:49

Ah ok.

I imagine its been tough bringing him up on your own but you sound very strong and proud.

What prompted your poem , has your ds asked some questions aout his Dad ?

Original poster
shazlm · 14/02/2011 20:55

We have always spoken very openly and honestly about the situation so my son has always had all the answers I could give but now he is getting older he needs to know more about his Dad so lately he has been writing himself to try and prompt him to reply but still gets no reply.I think the poem was just an outlet for all the anger I feel.

OP posts:
solo · 14/02/2011 21:03

Shazlm, it's hard isn't it? My Ds is also 12 and his father abandoned us when I was pg. He rarely saw his father up until he was 3.6, then nothing since. He pays me nothing towards Ds's upbringing. I am Ok with him not seeing Ds. Ds would not be the wonderful (most of the time!) son he is if he knew his father; of that I'm convinced. Ds says he doesn't want to see his father at this time, but I'm sure the time will come when he does and will...

Take credit for your wonderful Ds shazlm, he is your work.

Original poster
shazlm · 14/02/2011 21:09

It is hard and i think my son will soon get to the age where he chooses not to want to meet his Dad anymore but i fear he will regret this for the rest of his life as it would leave him with so many unanswered questions.I really hope he gets to meet his Dad at least once so he can then make his own choice.

OP posts:
solo · 14/02/2011 21:33

Yes, I think that too...and if Ds can get to adulthood and then meet him, I think he'll be less influenced by his fathers bull.

girliefriend · 15/02/2011 20:57

Love the poem - you mad me cry! My dd has no contact with her father and I know exactly how you feel, can't believe how much he has missed and I am so proud of my gorgeous girl.

My dd seems to of accepted its just me and her now (she is 5yo) but has had lows where she has cried herself to sleep and wanted me to magic her a daddy Sad

I will support her in finding him when she is older if that is what she wants to do - I've got a few things I'd like to ask him myself!!!

solo · 15/02/2011 22:01

Girliefriend :( I remember my Ds at about 4/5yo talking in his sleep...'I just want a daddy' he said...

Anngeree · 15/02/2011 23:09

Shazlm Love the poem! I would send it to your local paper see if you can get it printed make sure you put your name at the end to make your ex feel ashamed Grin. I'm in a similar situation ds is 7.5yo has never met his dad even though he pays child maintainence through CSA. It is hard over the years i've tried to make contact with him sent letters even found him on Facebook sent him an E-mail telling him about ds saying he asks about him offering him the chance to meet him but he never responds most of the time I just think well it's your loss but other times I get really upset esp when ds goes through his phase of asking questions. Nobody choses to be a single parent it's the situation we find ourselves in and we have to make the best of a bad siuation. Like you I was only in a short term relationship with ds' dad so didn't have a photo but when I found him on Facebook I was able to show ds his profile picture. Ds is undecided whether he will want anything to do with his dad but I have been honest with him and would support him if it was something he wanted to do when he was older. I've told him if he wanted when he's older he could contact him on Facebook but if he was going to do that he would have to be honest about doing so. I made a point of talking about internet safety I know he's young but thought the earlier he's aware of safety issues the better eg. not arranging to meet anyone you don't really know and always to tell someone where you're going if he did choose to meet his dad and explained it was my job to keep him safe etc
Sometimes it helps to hear from other people in a similar situation your not alone in the way you feel.
Sending (((((hugs)))))

Original poster
shazlm · 17/02/2011 13:57

Thankyou everyone for your lovely responses it is so nice to hear from other people in a similar situation because so often I have felt like am the only person going through this.
This is mainly because if you look into these circumstances on the internet it is as if it just doesn't happen, all I can find is info about Fathers rights well what about children's
rights I just can't understand how a father has the right to take the mother to court to fight for access to his child, yet a mother can't seem to take a father to court to fight for her child to have access it is just so wrong.The laws are so outdated this is clearly a situation happening to so many children.

OP posts:
lilmamma · 17/04/2011 22:24

that poem could have been written for me and my eldest son.his dad didnt want to know,and my son finally met him last year 28 years later,his dad, s now an alcoholic and couldnt even stay sober for his meeting..my son said said well i didnt miss much there did I..he is a lovely son,and a father himself to a lovely little 17 month old,and he is the most wonderful dad to his little boy,always taking him out to the park and childrens museum,etc,the baby adores him..he didnt meet his dad again..

Giselle99 · 25/04/2011 11:36

Anngeree: you'll be surprised to find that many people choose to be single parents...

gemm30 · 09/05/2011 22:23

hi just thought i would right to say i am in a similar situation my ds is 9 and has not seen his dad he was 3, We finally got back in contact last year (he now lives in greece) since then contact has been very patchy going weeks with out anything not even a text message then he will suddenely send my son some money and think that is o.k. Have had a horrible evening with my ds with a small dispute about getting in to the bath escalating in to a major meltdown for my son because i said i would take his phone away which he brought witht the money his dad sent him. He wont talk to me saying he doesnt want me to blame myself. I really dont know what to do. :(

cuteboots · 13/05/2011 13:24

shazlm- Just had to say your poem is really lovely and made me want to cry. You sound like a lovely mum

pickyourbrain · 13/05/2011 15:53

My niece is in your situation and your poem brought a tear to my eye.. Sad I've always said better no dad around than a shit one though

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread