.. on my niece's behalf? Because she's been asking for advice and I wasn't sure what to say, so we decided together to go after some Mumsnet wisdom.
I've also put this on AIBU, but with a clearer mind this am realised that there's an LP forum here. Hope some of you could help, I'm quoting all three posts I put on the other thread to give a clear picture of the situation.
DN is a young sinle mum of a 3yo boy, father moved abroad 2 years ago with new wife and now has twins, pays maintenance but no other word from him.
DN has very good relationship with his parents, they live 5'away and see them often, babysit for her etc. The boy has started asking about his father, and also about his siblings. The father's mother has pictures all over the house of all grandchildren, which includes DN's son as well as his half-siblings. We're pretty sure (but not certain) that her ex doesn't (and won't) speak to his other children about the boy. However the boy who knows all his other cousins (5 of them) that he sees on the wall keeps asking about those two babies. Also about his dad, where he is and why can't they go and see him. DN finds it heartbreaking.
She has managed to distract him the last couple of times, but he'll ask again.
What would you say???
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well, it is heartbreakin but DN puts a bit of blame on herself as well. They were not in love when they got pregnant, actually barely knew each other and she got all pg crazy and demanded for him to marry her. When he refused she made his life hell -moved very far away just to spite him, she'd refuse him access at the front door, after he'd traveled for two hours to see his son and other lovely things like that.
She now sees it more clearly and can't believe how she used her own son like this just because she was angry with her ex.
All the same though, there's now a little boy suffering and wondering...
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I know, she's done other things she's now admitting, like telling him that he doesn't deserve photos of things he's not there for as he should have just been there... Refusing to show him the baby's room when his own brother and sister had been shown around the new house etc.
She now realises that he wasn't bailing on his son, just not marrying someone he didn't love, but she hurt him many times and maybe in the end he lost interest...
Not that it is an excuse, you're not supposed to lose interest in your children, he should have fought more.
I don't know if he'd want to get in touch now though...
She still doesn't know what to say to her son about the new babies...
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thank you all if youé read so far, I'm at a loss as to what to advise her...