Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

Original poster

OW meeting my DD

15 replies

twinkle1010 · 13/02/2011 08:07

H text last night to say that he is taking DD to meet his girlfriend today. I havent slept and I feel sick.

He left me five months ago for her and they are about to move in togetehr. I have asked him repeatedly to wait as DD is only 3 and stll confused and upset that we are not together.

Please tell me this gets easier. The thought of that woman near my child is breaking my heart.

OP posts:

IngridBergmann · 13/02/2011 08:20

I'm really sorry, I understand how you feel, it's so horrible isn't it.

I suppose if they are moving in together it will be difficult not to involve her with dd.

Do you think it is a fairly committed relationship?

The only thing that helped me was trying to keep in mind that 'she' is only a woman - who loves the man I love(d) - and she probably can't be that bad, well not to a child anyway.

Just masses of sympathy x

Original poster

twinkle1010 · 13/02/2011 08:28

He thinks its a serious relationship! I have my doubts. Its a cliche of a man meeting a 'girl' in the office and then having an affair.

I just cant seperate how I feel about him and her being together and that she will now be playing with my child. I think Im probably still in shock over the split and this is just another thing to deal with.

Thanks for your post x

OP posts:

IngridBergmann · 13/02/2011 08:34

I think it's entirely natural to feel this way and he ought to be respectful of that.

Sadly everything seems to work against us, there's nothing to stop him doing this.

When we have a child, we are agreeing to have the child with that person - not with their future partners as well, so it does hurt when someone else seems to be taking a part in our child's life.

She will never be as important to your daughter as you are.

ThePosieParker · 13/02/2011 08:41

Oh OP how horrid for you. Your Ex is a dick, he should be more concerned about spending time with his dd and not trying to fit her in his new relationship.

I'm sure she will be lovely to your dd, she will be trying to impress your ex. And no matter how lovely she is she's not Mummy.

Can you take yourself to he cinema or do something that won't give you room to think about it?

Original poster

twinkle1010 · 13/02/2011 08:48

Thank you for your replies.

Might get ready and force myself to the gym or something. Feel like I just want to curl up in bed and cry.

I feel like he has replaced me with this OW so easily. She had xmas dinner with inlaws, is practically living with them at the moment and is now playing happy families with my daughter. (we were together 14 years, since we were 16, they were like my family.)

His threat was that the only way I could stop this happening was to stop contact and explain to DD that it was me stopping her seeing her Dad. He knows I would never do this. Apparently I just need to accept that this is all happening and get over it! (according to him)

OP posts:

ThePosieParker · 13/02/2011 08:52

twinkle....What a wanker. It's obviously not enough for him to break your heart but he seems to want to punish you, probably to assist his own guilt, it's easier to blame you than feel sorry for what he's done. Have you got a good friend that you can talk to the whole day.

ThePosieParker · 13/02/2011 08:53

twinkle....perhaps the gym is the answer actually, get fit, feel amazing, fall into bed with a gorgeous stranger!

Original poster

twinkle1010 · 13/02/2011 08:57

Got friends/Family I could call but they get so angry on my behalf and tell me all of the things that I should be doing but I just dont seem to have the energy to do. Seems so much easier on here somehow.

They all hate him, and sometimes so do I, but its hard because we were together such a long time.

OP posts:

Niceguy2 · 13/02/2011 10:42

Apparently I just need to accept that this is all happening and get over it! (according to him)

Smadarama · 13/02/2011 13:50

Hi Twinkle - I really struggled with this when DS first met GF (& she wasn't the cause of the break up) and had very similar feelings to those you expressed (being replaced, happy family fantasies etc).

Hard to believe but it honestly does get better in time. I think it took me longer than it needed to because I spent too much time thinking about what they were doing. You're making a good start by planing positive things like going to the gym - I've been going regularly over the past six months or so & wish I'd got into it earlier as I've found it very helpful to my mental, as well as physical, health.

ExH has been with same gf for a few years now but DS very clear about who is Mum & in our case the novelty of spending time with DS soon wore off for GF who now tends to make herself scarce when DS goes to his Dads but is nice to him when she is there.

Keep your chin up - what you're feeling is normal & it will get easier. I felt like I was a hopeless case but today DS is at Dad's ( don't know or care if GF is there) & I'm off to gym . Take Care

teahouse · 13/02/2011 17:17

Try to be strong.

My ex's birthday is around mothers day and during the first year after we split he wanted our kids with him for his birthday. I agreed but was upset. I then discovered he had to work some of that day and they spent it with his OW (hnow his wife).

First things like this hurt a lot, but they are inevitable and if your DD gets on with this woman then it's for the best in the long run.

Cry, curl up under the duvet, eat chocolate...whatever helps. With luck one day you'll be introducing her to your new man and he'll have to deal with that.

Original poster

twinkle1010 · 13/02/2011 18:57

Thanks for your posts.

She came home and all was ok. She did say her name and a couple of things about what they had done. It hurt like hell but I obviously didnt let it show to DD.

It was such a crap day but at least its over x

OP posts:

IngridBergmann · 13/02/2011 19:31

Well done. You did so well...and I'm sorry you are hurting. Hope you get more sleep tonite x

pinksmarties · 14/02/2011 08:13

I really feel for you. x

Mumfun · 14/02/2011 12:50

So do I x

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread