Anyone have to set up a legal agreement? Advice/costs/recommendations needed!

[Fab123]

Hi everyone.

I posted on the Relationships thread earlier and someone kindly mentioned that Lone Parents might be the way forward.

I'm hoping someone can help me get an idea of how to go about setting up a legal agreement with the father. I'm 16wks 6 days pg and father left me on Sunday. He has emailed today to say he will send me money (so far unspecified amount) and I have said maybe a DD would be responsible. He knows I am good with money (to the point of being frugal at times) and so far seems happy to do this (some time next week apparently). Obviously I can't rely on him doing this again and would like him to take this on as his responsibility seeing as he doesn't seem to want contact with his daughter at the moment. I don't really need the extra but it can't hurt .

Has anyone got suggestions for this? When to do it/how other people's exes have reacted/if it is worth the money and anything else in between. I ask because I am not 100% I want him on the BC and need to go over every option in the months to come!
Thanks everyone :)

Hi Fab

It's very early days for you yet and I feel for you as you have much to think about and to do.

As far as a legal agreement goes there really isn't one which achieves what you want. Even court orders and the dreaded CSA often are no use so in reality, some signed bit of paper really isn't going to matter a jot.

Is the DD you mentioned your daughter as well as his? Ie. is this your 2nd or first child together?

Assuming its a first, upon birth your ex will be liable to pay you child maintenance at whatever the prevailing rate is (approx 15% of net income per month) but that's it.

To be honest, in my experience if he's not rushing to see his DD now then he's unlikely to bother with the 2nd either. And his promises of money are likely to be hollow and I certainly wouldn't rely upon him coughing up for the next 18 years religiously each month.

Lastly whether or not he is named on the birth certificate practically speaking is neither here nor there. Legally he wouldn't have parental responsibility but if he ever decided to seek them through court then it would be a mere formality for him. Plus he would still be expected to pay maintenance regardless of whether or not he is named on the BC or not.

Hope that helps.

I think by DD she meant Direct Debit, for the payments.

My ex and I thrashed one out between us. He drew something up, we argued some points and then did a final version. It's not legally binding but lets everyone know what is expected from them and would hold some sway in a court of law if needed.

It's been 8 years of DD payments, never once has it not gone into my account. Saves all the stress of ever having to discuss money. Something a lot of my friends are less fortunate with.

HTH a little.

Thanks Niceguy helps to know that legally it doesn't mae much difference if he is on the BC or not. This is our first child. We were planning on moving to Australia shortly after the birth as he has a few job oppertunities there. I think he will still go and therefore contact will be sparodic at best.

I did mean a Direct Debit (sorry not great at the acronyms on here!).

I think I might as well get something drawn up. Even if it isn't legally binding I will have tried.

Niceguy out of interest - and assuming you are a legal bod - is there anything him being on the BC could hinder? He is from NZ and I do wonder if it would benefit my daughter having this passport option. Just wondering where I stand if he is in Australia and demanding I don't leave the UK for holidays, etc. It's unlikely as I don't think he'll give two hoots, but just in case, would a Court weigh up his decision to leave us and then the Country and realise he wasn't being fair?

It is still early days, I know. I just want to get as prepared as I can do :) Thanks everyone.

I'm not a legal bod, I just know a fair bit now following my own court case a few years back.

What I'd say is if he is not in the country then I'd prepare yourself to get nothing. I just can't see realistically him stumping up money regularly and paying to have it transferred internationally to you. If he would then he'd be the type of guy who would want to be a part of the childs life and therefore not looking to move in the first place.

Sounds to me the simplest option is to not have him on the birth certificate and if he wants those rights, he can go to court and get them. It's not hard for him but would need him to show a bit of fight in him.

Without that then you can do as you please.