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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Trying it out in lone parents...

19 replies

saffyronron · 05/02/2011 11:00

I posted this in chat but no one wants to chat with me I'm really annoyed with my DS father and I'm afraid I showed some of this annoyance to my DS this morning. I feel so guilty about it. I don't expect anyone to make me feel better because it's unacceptable behaviour. I wonder if anyone has any hints on how to contain resentment towards their exp's?

OP posts:

Flame · 05/02/2011 11:02

I'm sorry, I read but have no advice.

I spent Thursday wandering round saying to DD2 in a sing song voice (she is 15 months) "Daddy's a twat isn't he?"

Flame · 05/02/2011 11:02

(She does NOT speak yet)

Original poster

saffyronron · 05/02/2011 11:10

How funny Flame. At least she's only 15 months and probably doesn't understand quite how much a twat her daddy is. I have a slight hangover, this could be exacerbating my guilt. I said daddy's late, notice how he's never early picking you up and always early dropping you off. God, that looks even worse written down! So I offloaded to make me feel better and little boy looks sad - it feels very abusive. I don't usually mention his dad at all but he's recently done another thing to piss me right off..... God the guilt! DS is away now til the morning so I'll have to suffer until I see him again to make up for my total selfish behaviour. Serves me right I suppose.

OP posts:

Flame · 05/02/2011 11:19

He'll be fine.

It was a one off. It isn't like you are constantly slagging him off.

gillybean2 · 05/02/2011 11:28

Make sure you give your ds lots of hugs and let him know how much you love him and perhaps appologise for being grumpy this morning.

If he asks more about it you can simply say that when mummys and daddys don't agree they can get cross and grumpy with each other and that is why you don't live together any more because you didn't want to make each other sad and grumpy all the time any more and how everything is ok now. And then distract him by saying how much you and his dad both love him and does he want to play on the wii/play station...

My ds is often happy to be distracted but may come and ask questions later once he's thought about it in his own time. So be prepared for that, and for comments to his dad about how 'mummy says you are always late..'

whiteandnerdy · 05/02/2011 11:34

Indeed I'm sure we must all do it at one time, I explain to my DCs it's about me being cross and lashing out like swearing, just like they do when their cross with me or their brothers. Therefore I treat it just like swearing in front of the children, regrettable, and a quick apology straight away to say you regret them hearing you lashing out without thought.

As for Flame singing in front of the 15 month old, again even if they can't understand you, me personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable singing 'F*k and c*t' to a 15 month old even if they don't understand I think there's the same level of comfort in doing either.

Flame · 05/02/2011 11:41

W&N on Thursday pretty much everything fell apart. It was about the only thing I could do to stop myself from abandoning her in her cot so I could rock in a corner and cry hysterically. I turned to the man who I have always turned to for support and got nothing.

JohnBovi · 05/02/2011 12:06

Don't give yourself a hard time. I'm all for the "don't say anything bad about their Dad" line, but it can be bloody hard. We all have our limits and, like gillybean says, what's important is that you put it into some context for him.

My dd is older, otherwise I'd be trying the sing songy voice! It would be a very long song too.

Original poster

saffyronron · 05/02/2011 12:30

Thanks all. Thanks Gillybean, I did apologise straight away and said sorry for being in a grumpy moood. Flame, I don't think singing is a bad idea at all on the odd occasion what a good way to relieve yourself of frustration! Better than getting grumpy and cross in my opinion (I'm sure you'd never say f* or c* in the same context) - maybe you would W&N . I feel so much better that I've done the dishes, put away the washing and swept the floor. I'm even thinking about looking at my finances! Hooray for mumsnet support.

OP posts:

JohnBovi · 05/02/2011 12:38

Now you're making me feel bad .... I'm hungover and still in my dressing gown. And there was me saying I was going to make the most of every minute when I was child free!

whiteandnerdy · 05/02/2011 12:50

Ahh, I really lost it big time with the kids on holiday this year. Leave the kids for five minutes at the hotel while I goto the bank next door to get some money out so we can have dinner. When I get back to the hotel all out war has broken out with the 3DCs, and it's he's did this to me and he hit me and blahh did blahh. So I asked the eldest 17 to appologise to the youngest 10, who was upset, to which "I'm not going to appologise that's not what happend."

I'm not sure "For fucks sake he's fucking upset, just bloody appologise to your brother" is really the correct response to this situation.

... there was an eary silence and some sheepish appologies after that tirade.

HerBeX · 05/02/2011 12:55

I think you need to remember that couples who live together, sometimes say catty things aobut each other too. As long as it's not a habit, it's not that big a deal.

Original poster

saffyronron · 05/02/2011 13:00

W&N no not appropriate, but goodness me that's a lot of kids and a lot to manage. That's not making kids feel bad though - that's just losing it a little bit! I think there's a difference. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely feeling better. Johnbovi - I'm still in my pj's and hungover (slightly). I too should be making the most of my very rare child free time, I don't think housework is making the most of it though. I'd love to go and look for some new blinds for my front room or go for a run - I can't be arsed! I might even go for a sleep and watch a movie instead - you chill out and enjoy your hangover or even have a to take the edge off!

OP posts:

JohnBovi · 05/02/2011 13:21

I like that rule. Making the most of free time will not include doing housework. I'm easily persuaded .

Cheers! Here's a hair of the dog for you too .

gillybean2 · 05/02/2011 13:44

Oh are you meant to get dressed on the weekend then?!

I have done the washing up! I also have ironing, clean bathroom and go for a walk on my to do list... But I have got the rest of my life plenty of time to get to those ;)

Original poster

saffyronron · 05/02/2011 13:50

That's the spirit. I've just made myself a prawn and noodle concoction - yummy! I can't be bothered going for a walk. I may watch that movie now.

OP posts:

JohnBovi · 05/02/2011 13:52

I need hangover food. I might nip out and go to B&Q on the pretext of needing some screws or something, so I can get a burger from one of those vans in the car park .

gettingeasier · 05/02/2011 14:51

Showered and dressed with a shocking hangover

Have bitten my tongue endlessly since xh left just over a year ago , my dc are 11 and 14, only slipped up once.

It was hard but now the emotional pain of splitting has gone its easier, what hepled me stick to it is the fact you cant unsay things iyswim.

fridascruffs · 05/02/2011 20:48

I don't generally say anything negative about the children's dad to them, though lately he has been such a dick that my animosity has been impossible to mistake (DCs overhearing phone conversation when I didn't realise they were playing hide and seek in the room for instance). And I can't for the life of me pretend to be all friendly when he shows up, i just say as little as possible. It's the best i can do, but I know that they know I don't like him. And it's not like he's going to be showing up anymore because he's left the country- hooray for me. Pity for my children who have been dumped by daddy, however.

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