Things appear to be falling apart, again

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

I am off sick from work due to depression.

I am supposed to decide wether to make my dd have major spinal surgery or not. Or the desicion will be taken out of my hands and she will need it anyway.

My house is a tip and I have zero motivation to sort it out.

My mum seems to be doing her best to lower my mood further.

And my dc all seem to hate each other for every minute of every day, and hate me too most times.

Oh and I have put all the weight I lost last year back on, because the only thing I seem to enjoy atm is eating.

Ah sounds shite nutty

What a difficult decision to have to make,no wonder you feel low.
You don't need to worry about your weight anyway,you are tiny.Bloody treat yourself kindly .
Sod the house atm just do the basics ,wash up etc.
Sometimes moms have the ability to make us feel worse or wind us up(i know mine does)
If it helps my 2 also seem to hate each other and me and dp.

Thank's PFNM - How are you ? Not 'seen' you around in a while.

I just feel so under pressure all the time to do the right thing, or to be seen to be doing the right thing.

Dd isn't sure what to do about the surgery, and although I am in favour of her having it, I feel awful that I am saying to her that she must have it, when essentially, at the moment it is only for cosmetic reasons.
I do believe though that if left untreated, she might have problems in the future, and that's my reasoning.

My mum is also breathing down my neck because she thinks i should just tell dd that she is having it done and thats that. But dd is 13, she needs some input into the desicion.

I am half hoping that when we go back they tell us that the curve has progressed, because then the desicion is made.

Re. the depression, I'm assuming you've seen a doctor if you're signed off work - are you taking any medication? If so, hopefully this will kick in soon. Try and get out of the house for a walk round the block every day, rain or shine. Even 20-30 mins will lift your mood and help you stay healthy (and maybe stabilise your weight, if you are worried about it).

As for the operation, if you say the decision will be taken out of your hands and she'll have to have it anyway, then imo the decision isn't 'should she have it', it's 'when should she have it'. You've not said how old she is or what the condition is but I'd say to have it sooner rather than later, especially if it's for a progressive condition, then at least it won't get any worse and potentially make the op more complicated. Plus it won't be weighing on your mind - it'll be done and dusted.

My house is usually a tip as well. Sod it. You have bigger things to consider other than the housework, so just do the bare minimum until you feel up to it.

With your mum I'm not sure what to suggest apart from spend less time with her/speak to her less often. She's clearly not helping you, so remove yourself from the situation if you can.

Sorry, I should have said. Yes I have seen my gp. I was already on ad's and so the dose has been upped.

Dd has scoliosis. At the moment it isn't causing her any pain except after strenuous physical activity, but it has disfigured her back quite a bit, so clothes don't hang right, and when she bends forward she has a large hump on one side of her back.
She has 2 curves, one of 50 degrees and one of 40 degrees.

She is now waiting for an mri scan and then another xray to see it the curve has progressed at all since last weeks x-ray.
The consultant said, that even if the curve hasn't progressed then she would still be eligable for surgery due to the disfigurement.

No one can say wether the curve could start to increase again though in the future, and I think that if she can have it corrected now, that this would be better.

Dd is worried about it effecting her dancing, as she was told that she would lose some flexibility.

My mum just seems hellbent on trying to control me at the moment and I hate it. I am trying to distance myself but she isn't getting the hint.

I'm sure that with some physio after the operation, her dancing would be fine. And she has to remember that at some point - maybe when she goes to uni or starts working - she may give up dancing, but her back will be with her for a lifetime.

No adult should control another and that includes your mum. Maybe be more direct with her, and she may give you a bit of space. Hints don't work with everyone, unfortunately .

Im ok thanks ,due to finish CBT soon so a bit nervous about that.Work doin my head in.

I remember a girl at school having the same op on her back.
Such a difficult desicion to make...

I said exactly that about the dancing cubacat, and i think she does understand, but it is in denial a bit atm, which is understandable.

Did the CBT help Pelvic ??? Are you still doing care work ?