Okay, so i'm going to start at the top with this one, it's a long story so bare with me but i kind of need to get it off my chest, i'm really struggling to know if i'm doing the right thing.
My DD is 6 years old, during my pregnancy my ex cheated & the woman fell pregnant. So i left. When DD was born, my Ex wanted nothing to do with her, although was part of the other childs life.
3 years down the line he gets in contact to say he wants to see DD. OK i thought, give him a chance i thought. So i did, at the beginning it worked out. Despite some bad judgement calls & large amounts of unreliability he wasn't a totally useless father although far from doting and caring.
A year later and i moved away, not far about 25 miles in total. Things started to go down hill.
DD's birthday comes, no presents, but he took her to a new girlfriends without telling me to play mummies & daddies, when this woman's own child had been taken into care. There was a big family Christmas which DD wasn't invited too, he didn't buy her any Christmas presents but bought his son a games console. DD's birthday 6 months later arrived and he whisked his new girlfriend away to wales for the week, paying for the hotel & travel. Came back saying he couldn't afford a birthday present.
A family wedding, DD's not invited. A family holiday DD's not invited.
The time he spent with her became restricted to me making the journey for DD to watch him play football & visit the pub after the game on Sundays,
During this time it became apparent DD has epilepsy, LQT & is hearing impaired needing hearing aids, in the last year I've had to give up work to care for her and make all the hospital appointments she has (he's never even been to one appointment)
We made the agreement when he first became part of DDs life that he wouldn't need to pay as i earned enough money for a comfortable life, however last year when i gave up my job, things changed and we agreed he'd help with essentials like school uniforms & clothes etc. Which he hasn't done. Whenever i have asked for help he's not been able to afford it. He can however afford to go to the pub every weekend?
Finally last year we booked a family holiday together for May this year (although we are not together we thought it would be nice for DD) I booked the holiday & paid on my CC with the understanding he'd provide me with his half of the money before the end of Jan, however three days ago he decided he wasn't coming on the holiday out of the blue. Leaving me to fit the bill. Right when the car is due it's MOT and Tax,(we can't live without the car as hosp it 20 miles away and we have weekly appointments, not to mention emergency admissions, we sometimes have to go to london & brum hosp for specialists)
I finally snapped and called the CSA who immidiatly re-activated the claim we'd put into place by mutual agreement the year before when i gave up work, on the agreement if he didn't fulfill his part of the bargain, i would take action to access the funds DD is entitled to.
They called him the following day.
The following day, i receive a call from DD's Nan (my ex's mum) to tell me and i quote "you'll get you f**king money, but we never want to see you & DD again and we want a DNA test" she also called me a lazy lay about, because i gave up my career to care for my disabled DD.
Of course i'm totally happy to provide the DNA test i have nothing to hide, i have offered in the past to which they have declined.
My question is am i doing the right thing? Without this money DD can't have the things she needs, but is it worth that price? Is it worth letting her dad walk away??? I'm so lost by this, we need the financial support, and it's not like he's all that reliable, is no dad better than a bad dad???
If he's that fickle maybe i shouldn't let him be around DD anyway?