Help!!?!! My partners been offered a job in Spain. My dead beat ex is "refusing" to let us go!!

[LetTheSunShine]

I wasnt sure where to post this thread so I tried in here as I'm not married.

Ok, here's my situation.
I've been with my current partner since my son was 4 months old. He's now 3 & calls DP daddy, he doesnt really know his real dad. Now my partner has been offered a job in Spain, a brilliant & exciting prospect for all of us. Me & DS have family there & we're very much looking forward to it.

But here's the situation with DS's biological father.

• He left me whilst pregnant at 3 months.
• Came back when I was 8 months.
• Left again when DS was 2 months old for an ex gf.
• Hasn't paid a days child support since DS was born.
• Didn't WANT to be on the birth cert in case it meant he was more likely to be made to pay child support.
• Claimed extra money on a study bursary claiming he was supporting a child whilst he was learning. He used that extra cash to take his gf to Cyprus.
• Won't take DS to his flat as it's his "shag pad" and not a "child appropriate space." (You're a father you pice of s*)
• Drops my son at the drop of a hat ...I can't take him this weekend...a gigs come up...you know how hard it is for musicians to get a gig, don't be a bitch about it...TellHimForMeWillYouOkBye...
• Turns his phone off when I text asking him to come & see DS because he asks after him. Replys in his own time. Normally about a fortnight later.
• This time it's been a month since we last heard from him.

However, he's got wind of our Spain oppurtunity & has decided to fight hell & high water to keep us from going. Solicitors if he has to, courts, the works. I asked him what rights does he think he has after choosing not to be on the birth cert & his lack of involvement up to now but he's spitting venom about us staying "the hell where we are."

Now I'm despaired. Totally crushed & devastated. After everything he's put us through, showing up approx once every 2 months despite literally hundreds of emails, texts, phone calls that I've sent that have gone ignored, how dare he do this to us now.

What if some bleeding heart judge makes me & DS stay where my ex is for the next however many years.

Help?? Advice?? What would any of you do?? :(

Sorry for the long post. Didn't quite mean it to be so long.

x x x x x

if he is not on the birth certificate and you were not married at the time of teh birth then he wont have parentla rights.

Unless he goes to court to get them he has no legal right to prevent you leaving.

Also even if he gets to court you can show that he has had limited contact and no support for your Ds, that you are offering a loving and stable home for him.

I don't think that the courts would prevent you moving tbh

Firstly, see how much of a response you get in Lone parents, it's quite a good place for this, even though you aren't a lone parent. You can always use the 'Report' button along the line from your name and ask MNHQ to move it to another section Chat or whatever. You can also copy & paste and ask in Legal?!

Unless you were married or he is on the Birth Cert he doesn't have any parental rights for DS.

Carry on making your plans, ignore his threats, he'll never bother his arse to go 'legal' on it and if he does he wont have a leg to stand on.

It's only Spain, cheap as chips for him to visit as often as he sees DS now.

Try not to worry
x

I shouldn't say this and will probably get slated form it, but if everything you are saying is correct and true I would have stopped him seeing your ds long, long ago.

Go to Spain, live a good life.

ChippingIn I said that to him, that we'd be back every couple of months to see family & that if he wanted to get a cheap flight every now & again he could stay with us, it wouldn't be a problem. His problem is that at the minute, he lives literally a five minute walk from us. And even though he never deigns to come see his son, when he does, it takes 40 seconds in his, quote, "p*y wagon," to come see DS.

Often I find myself wondering how I could ever have let this man touch me, never mind make a baby with me!?! So I won't slate you for your post Jaquelinehyde as I've often pondered myself why I let him be in the picture so long.

x x

How long till your partner goes? Will this be a permanent move or is it only for a set time?

If it does go to court they tend to look more favourably on permanent moves rather than ones that are only for a couple of years with intention to return.

Without PR your ex can't stop you going at this point.
However he could go to court and apply for PR and ask for a prohibitive steps order to stop you taking ds abroad.

Therefore if you are going you should go soon to put the situation in place already by the time he goes to court (much as I hate to say that). But be prepared to have to come back to the UK for court etc should he go that far (do you really think he will bother?)

Keep a detailed log of all contact (if you haven't already been)
ie date/time/text to say ds was asking to see him - reply received date/time (what it was), when he actually turned up, for how long, what he did with ds...
Keep it factual and without emotional contact. Give him no room to wiggle on it.

If it does end up in court be prepared to stay in the UK while it is sorted (can be several months). You should also show that you are prepared to facilitate contact by bring ds over for contact a certain number of times a year and also for him to visit in between if he wishes. At all times be reasonable, offer to facilitate contact, but be clear that this is about offering your ds a stable family life with you and your new partner.

If it was me I would get a solicitor and go to court and get the appropriate paperwork to go and live abroad, as you are going to get into trouble if you don't and he informs the police. You need to go and ask for full residency and leave to move aborad. I know someone who's ds's father had nothing to do with the child for years, then when she wanted to leave he played hell with her, anyways, three hearings later, he only showed up for one of them, she got leave to live abroad with her ds.

I would report him to the people he got the bursery from, and show them documentation that he has not paid you and go to the csa before you go, as your child is entitled to be supported financially especially sincde his father can't be arsed emotionally.

It sounds like he was back and forth with you and and exgf and I would pity her if I were you, as he is no catch!

She's not Mummie. As he is not named on the birth certificate, he has no parental responsibility. As such OP can pretty much do as she pleases until the matter reaches court.

I would never usually suggest this as I think its a wicked thing to do but since the ex has such a random and tiny level of contact, and it seems its out of spite more than any real concern over his son then I'd suggest you accelerate your plans and get yourselves out there asap. But for goodness sakes don't let him get wind of it.

Now a court will probably take a very dim view of this and are not supposed to be bound by a fait accompli. But they must act as to what is in the best interests of the child. So as long as you take the bollocking and have a proposed plan in place to facilitate contact then the court will more than likely allow you to remain. Since the upheaval in making you all come back would not be in DS's best interests.

Agree with Niceguy here. My son's father is not on his birth cert either and it's been a relief - far easier to move on with our lives.

If your ex went to court and applied for a parental responsibility order a) would be get it and b) how long would it take?

application for PR fairly simple - if you dont agree it goes to court.
time to a first hearing variable but porb at least a few weeks. time for you to preapre your case as to why not?

he wont get residency as child ashnt lived with him at all it seems or any shared care.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954
Applying to the courts for parental responsibility
A father can apply to the court to gain parental responsibility. In considering an application from a father, the court will take the following into account:

?the degree of commitment shown by the father to his child
?the degree of attachment between father and child
?the father's reasons for applying for the order
The court will then decide to accept or reject the application based on what it believes is in the child's best interest.

I had a siliary sort of things last year over returning to Scotland from England. Ex took me to court with a prohibitive steps order.

I had my solicitior who I'd used for my divorce and he got me a barrister for the hearing. The barrister basically walked into the court and stated that my human rights as a citizen of the European Union meant that I had the legal right to reside with the children in any member state. It got an instant 'case dismaissed' fromt eh magistrates!

Also I ahd to prepare an 'info pack' ofr hte court to show that the children's health, educational and medical needs would be met and that they would have a smiliar standard of living. this is very useful

IMO I don't think you would have any problems as he sounds like a deadbeat - same as my ex, won't pay money and isn't around for the DC but demands 'his' rights!!! Good luck, hope the move goes well.

Makemineapinot, that is interesting, EU human rights

Ah you have to be careful with that though. Its certainly correct that its EU human rights means she can live within any member state.

But at the same time the court could decide on a specific point (if it deemed it appropriate). So for example, they may hypothetically decide that for x,y,z reasons that DS must stay at same school. OP's human rights technically are not infringed. She's free to live anywhere she pleases. So long as she can get DS to school....

But anyway thats all in theory but its worth remembering nonetheless.

In answer to the question about PR. Nowadays its very common to get PR almost as a formality. I know one lady who opposed PR on the grounds that her ex is a convicted sex offender. He got PR but is not allowed anywhere near the kids. How that works is beyond me but there you go.

Maybe that was why i had to compile a document stating that the children's lifestyle and standard of living wouldn't be compromised - and had to provide evidence of school places etc and photos of where they were going to be living. The fact that it was in the UK def made it easier although Scotland and England have different laws etc. I went though all the things mentioned in that article and produced a big file covering all of it (obviously I didn't need to prove Scotalnd had decent sanitation )or anything like that and then my solicitor tidied it all up in legal speak. the court made us agree to definate dates of contact with the cost to be borne 50/50 - so far I ahve complied taking the children to England although I'm only working 8 hours a week and he pays no maintenance, he ahs made no effort to come and see/get them or even split the cost of a train ticket so it might be worth putting all the contact arrangements down in writing too but don't promise too much. Skype and things like that are great ways to suggest for contact, although it's free my ex says it's too expensive and wants me to bear the cost of him having it installed before he could even consult his partner on whether they should get it or not!!!!