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Original poster

Friends vs men

8 replies

Nothernbird · 28/01/2011 14:16

Hi - my bf (not ex-h) has just split up with me. Part of the problem being he felt he was bottom of my priority list (ie below my children, my friends, my work, life in general). I didn't feel that this was the case (but clearly I was wrong!!) - but surely it isn't unreasonable to want to see your friends when you are in a relationship? After all, they are the ones who stick around if things go belly up. And is it just me or is it difficult to keep a relationship going when there are so many other commitments? Feel a bit like I'm back at square one on the relationship front (but enjoying the thought of guilt free time with my children and friends).

OP posts:
Becky36 · 28/01/2011 14:47

My ex bf used to say exactly the same about me. He used to complain that he was my last priority after my son, friends work etc. I tried to explain to him that my friends are really important to me, as important as family because my family live a distance away and my mum lives in Spain. Also my friends were there throughout my abusive relationship with my ex husband. It got to the point where by bf started making horrible comments about my friends, saying they were boring etc, and making scenes every time we went out as a group. I stopped inviting him in the end and we finished shortly afterwards. It was like going out with a needy toddler.

Should have realised he was a bit strange when I realised he had very few friends himself and didn't speak to his family. Note to self - never go out with a man with no friends.

BringOnTheGoat · 28/01/2011 14:54

I don't think it's hard to keep a healthy, respectful relationship going with other commitments. Buggered if I know how to get me one of those though Grin

Agree with becky about the no friends!! ?If P has friends/life/hobbies it is easier to balance - too hard when they're needy or lonely.

KikiJane · 28/01/2011 15:18

My XH used to be the same. I hated 'asking' if I could go out with my friends or anything. I just thought this was normal.

Even now, 7 years since we divorced, I'm still getting used to the idea that it wasn't normal, and that it's ok (and even encouraged) by my boyfriend if I spend time with my friends.

Original poster
Nothernbird · 28/01/2011 15:40

I think his view was that if I wanted to see my friends, I didn't want to see him. I told him that wasn't the case. He has a core group of his own friends, and is very sociable himself, so would have thought it was quite a normal request. I know he is feeling a bit low at the moment so perhaps I should have shelved my needs until he'd got back on track.

Never appreciated that new relationships were sooooo complicated!

OP posts:
BEAUTlFUL · 29/01/2011 15:08

How long had you been dating him?

cardibach · 29/01/2011 21:16

Friends vs men? No contest. Friends every time.

Original poster
Nothernbird · 31/01/2011 20:52

Beautiful, Been together about 3 years. It was always in the background, but just seemed to escalate recently. And Cardibach, I agree with you!

OP posts:
dadaz · 01/02/2011 22:01

Commitment isn't ONLY the Mans duty of care ladies.

If you treat your Men like a wet Dog at the door no wonder he doesn't want to know.

I hope this is construed as constructive critisism :)

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