Help with ex's girlfriend

[justonemorethen]

My ex left when I was pregnant. He was very clear that he wouldn't be involved if I kept the baby as he had a new girlfriend (and also disputed paternity). As an older woman with no other children I wasn't prepared to abort. I informed him of my decison and recieved very abusive texts from her.
I went on to have my child and never saw/contacted them again (they moved away). I didn't bother with CSA as I have been in full time work since having him and he didn't reply to the request for a DNA sample (which I paid for - was very angry they thought I'd lie about paternity).
Now she's back. I have no idea if they are together or not but's it's only a matter of time before we bump into each other. It was such a horrid time and it's not really over as we haven't proved paternity. I was really happy and now it all feels Jeremy Kyle again.
Don't want to get involved but does ignoring her make me look churlish? Should I be ttracking ex for DNA or leave it up to my son to decide when he's old enough.

i think you have given him ample oportunity to be involved. he does have a duty to pay mainetenace for his son but i think you may have to go hthrough CSA to prove paternity.

WRT teh girlfriend. absoloutely ignoire her. it isn't anything to do withher and if she says anything to you she really is only out to cause aggro. ignore ignore ignore.

They will have been together for years now though and she could possiblly be the mother of any half siblings or be his step mother.I have no idea. That's what I mean about being churlish. I absolutely have no desire to talk to her but worry I should be doing something.
I really hate the idea of getting money from him though as he was honest enough to say he didn't want a child with me and it was my choice to go it alone.

you still dont have to talk to her is she has been abusive in the past. she may be the mother of your child's half siblings but she is not your child's parent. if there is anything to be discussed about your child. it should come from his father not her. really if she does attempt to talk to you, tell her that you have nothing to say to her and that you are more thn happy to discuss your son with his father.

by the way i have namechanged i am ILoveIt

dont waste your time, they sound like a pair of idiots, enjoy your son growing up and let him decide when hes older, theres no need for him to go through this crap, like you say its not the jeremy kyle show, just go it alone.

This gave me shivers, it all sounds to familiar. I felt i had precious moments that i should have enjoyed like pregnancy and new baby ruined by stress and malice. Go easy on your self. And for god's sake look after your self, so many mothers feel they are irrelevant when it comes to making a decision about contact with fathers. But a stressed mum does not make for a happy child.

Hello I don't understand why you wanted (or was thinking about DNA testing)? Could the child be someone elses? Or did the CSA expect you to do that?
If you know he is his there is no way I would be paying for a DNA test myself, when you are having to bring a child up alone. Totally mad!!

I would just ignore them like the others have said unless the Father makes a proper approach to make contact arrangements and you feel happy about it. Well done you for going it alone x

Thanks for the replies and for the support.This has shook me up and it's reassuring (if sad) to hear that I'm not the only one.

The DNA is required because both of them(the father and the girlfriend)claim he isn't the father.I don't want him to use this as the excuse for never making contact. His girlfriend was horrible and made me out to be some sort of nutty ex who made it all up.I think proof would level the playing field.
I told the CSA I wasn't interested in persuing him. After a couple of years they phoned to say they couldn't find him and I didn't want the money so dropped the case.
Bit of a shock to find her/them turning up again.

Just ignore them. If he has had a change of heart, it's up to him to make contact with you. As to the girlfriend, she is irrelevant to you and your situation; if you happen to walk past her in the street either ignore completely or, if you have to, nod politely and move on.