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Lone parents

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I've just had a baby but recently split with boyfriend

3 replies

sarjose · 24/01/2011 22:17

It's early days,I had a baby 9 days ago and the baby's father who moved out 7 weeks ago came back around the due date and was staying with me up until a couple of nights ago,same bed,I had neither the conviction or the strength to argue about that,the only difference to show we aren't together is that there is no sex and has not been since about a week before the baby was due (he was 12 days late).I don't know what his feelings are and I don't think I want to know,I don't think I have the emotional strength to hear anything that I won't like.I hope I'm not sounding too pathetic,most of our 4 year on/off relationship has been based around him trying to move in and me saying woah there not so fast,this led to a lot of problems due to his insecurity.I am an independent woman with 2 older children.This man went on and on at me to have his baby and it seems that now he's got what he wanted,he no longer wants to be a family ,although he does come round every day and acts like he never left,it's starting to feel weird,not knowing where we are at.Obviously,the baby is here and the focus now. I just want to know what's going on in his head but I can't ask him, it's as if it's gone too far to communicate at all. When he leaves to go back to his own place sometimes I feel fine but others,like tonight,I feel incredibly lonely. How did it get to this when all he ever wanted was us to be a family?

OP posts:
lowercase · 24/01/2011 23:03

lots of similarities to my story, big hug for you, its awful to feel so unsupported and up in the air.
the future doesnt look good, if he can leave you all when you need him the most.

i put up with a year of the circumstances you describe, before changing the locks and shutting him off emotionally.

i didnt have the strength to do anything before that.

i have been on my own for a year now, and am (mostly) happy and stable.

concentrate on your children, this guy is a waste of space.
so sorry Sad

pickgo · 24/01/2011 23:24

Would also try to take it very easy on yourself at the mo - 9 days is nothing is it?
As lowercase says I would try to focus on just you and the Dcs for now and maybe decide in your mind to confront these issues in say 2-3 months when you are feeling stronger.
The feeling of loneliness wears off quite quickly IME, as you get used to your own space, peace of mind and ... freedom!
Take care. x

embug · 29/01/2011 22:36

Big hug to you and congratulations!
I split from my ex 3 months after my daughter was born but really he had withdrawn during the pregnancy. He finally moved out over a year ago and even though I feel lonely at times I relish having my own space! You will feel better in time - remember you are full of hormones post labour!

All will be well! go gently, x

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