Working full time, is it worth it for me? Help please

[mummytowillow]

Since I split up with husband I've gone back to work full time, but its not really working out

I work 9-5, DD (3) goes to nursery 3 days a week, and my parent for 2 days. I have to work one weekend every three weeks, ex said he would help on these weekends (thats why I took the job). He has now withdrawn this offer and is giving me dates that don't correspond with my weekends to be bloody awkward!

I feel like I'm working all these hours for a whole load of hassle, I'm stressed about finding childcare on the weekends, as I feel I'm taking the p-ss if I ask my parents?

My daughter is not happy being in full time childcare and I'm really not sure if I'm financially better off?

Can I see the lone parent adviser at the job centre even though I'm working? To see what I'd be entitled to, if I dropped my hours to two days a week?

I could put my outgoings on here and someone work it out for me!!!

Think you can certainly see the jobcentre bod - but basically it will be WTC & CTC. WTC website has en estimator or you could give them a ring.
Don't think it's taking the mick to ask parents for weekends too though - it could be temporary? If you don't tell your ex what weekends you are working then would he end up doing most without knowing?
Having said all that part-time might work out better anyway while Dc still so little?

Try a website called entitled to as this will calculate it for you. Type in your wages as a part timer and it will see if you qualify for tax credits, housing benefit etc.

look further ahead - your DD will soon be going to school with different hours and she will have to go five days per week eventaully. what will happen then ? will you r ely on parents for after school or after school club?

look longer term - you will benefit from a job/money when she is at school and it isnt so far away.

"My daughter is not happy being in full time childcare" -on what basis? she really isnt old enough to understand the concept of full time childcare - however - pointing out to her that toys etc come about because mummy works is at her level.... play shops with ehr and explain in simple terms ....

my dd often says she doesnt want to go to after school club (is now 8) - i just keep saying - well tough - becuase mummy has to work to get money for zxxx and yyy and zzzz.

others also go to after school club daily.

You can use the job centre for advise, just tell them that you are being considered for redundancy and you are exploring your options or something of the sort.

I think that having a full time week job + weekend job when you are on your own with a young child is far too much. Can you try to stop the weekends? As long as you are working more than 16 hrs a week, TC may help with the costs of child care, if you are in a low income you may be considered for extra benefits.

Now, I wouldn't advise cutting down to only 2 days a week, it is not enough for you to be considered for career progression and from what I saw with my own child, he found settling down in nursery FAR more difficult when he was going 2 days a week than when he was there 5 (It was a whole new place for him every week).

If this job is bot really working, find another one BEFORE you leave it. Some people say that single parents can be better off not working... despite my extremely low income, I can't remember a worst and more stressful time in my life than when I lost my job and had to spend a good few months in Income Support... you are better off working, honest.

I had a branch role when ds was still very little (in full-time care) which required me to work Saturdays. I managed to negotiate that and took time off during the week instead of getting paid extra for the Saturday. Could you look into that so that you've got your dd during the week instead of your parents?
As for being in full-time care, my only regret is that my hours (and time spent travelling to & from work) required ds to go in extremely early and stay until quite late. If I had had the option to do any different, I'd have tried to reduce that time just by an hour or so as he was so little! Otherwise, him and all of his friends who were there all day, every day of the week, developed their social skills and were much more confident than the others who had been kept at home. It may have been a coincidence so please take this with a pinch of salt but I don't believe for a moment that it's done ds any harm. Quite on the contrary, he was one of the ones happy to go off and play at parties while the 'stay at home' kids wouldn't let go off their parents and would only stay at the party if mum or dad was there too. As per before, I am basing myself on what I think is solid evidence but I know many out there would strongly disagree. It was quite interesting though and reassuring too!

It does sound like you've got a but much on your plate at the moment with the weekend shifts in addition to a full week. Any chance you can change that?

I agree with cestlavie that you need to think longer turn. By 2016 the government plans to remove tax credits for households earning only a little more than full-time minimum wage. While you may drop your hours now and find yourself no worse off because of a corresponding rise in tax credits, in a few years time that is unlikely to be the case and you may be significantly worse off.

Are you friendly with other parents? Might you be able to swap babysitting duties with them so that they can cover your weekend shifts while you look after theirs on another?

Good luck. I know how hard it is juggling everything. It can be really exhausting. Hope things look up.

Sorry, I didn't make it clear, I'm not giving up work, just want to reduce my hours to 16 a week. So basically two days.

I'm not allowed to see the lone parent adviser as I've been in employment for 18 months But a nice lady from JC+ did speak to me and told me what to think about!

So I've phoned tax credits, they told me how much I might get a week, then the council and I've worked out housing benefit, and the really worrying thing is I'm only about £60 worse off than working full time!

How can that be? Fell a bit guilty really? Or should I just go for it!

I have to admit I did a similar thing. It probably has damaged my career but having my sanity (from not being constantly rushed off my feet) and more quality time with the kids was more important to me.

You're still working and contributing, so don't feel guilty! I'm sure you'll increase your hours when the DC start school. Personally I'm glad I spent more time with my dds when they were younger - you don't ever get those years back and these days I find they're not keen on spending time with their old mum!

I found the drop in income was evened out by the fact that I had more time to cook at home, shop around, not paying for convenience and doing things at peak times and other discounts linked to low income tbh. They can't really take those things into account when they're doing Better Off calculations.

I've sort of done the same thing. I've left a well paid job because it seemed crazy to have my DS in childcare 50 hours a week. I'm going onto IS and hope to work part time but my DS's childhood is so short and we are so enjoying these months we will have before he starts school in September.

No regrets although I'm broke

I faced a similar decision this time last year. At the time I worked FT 9-5.30pm, DS went to nursery 3 days a week (8.30-6pm, so a very long day for a toddler!) and my parents 2 days. My DSs father isn't involved at all (his choice) so I don't get any child-free weekends and I get a negligible amount of maintenance. This was my way of life from when my son was 6 months old until last April, just before he turned 4. Looking back I spent this time constantly stressed, juggling work, home and DS, and always felt guilty for not being there for him.

The thing that made me reassess the situation was in October 2009, after being ill on and off for several months, I was diagnosed with a form of Chronic Kidney Disease and put on 7 lots of medication. To be brutal, it scared the shit out of me. I was knew that if the medication didn't work, I'd need dialysis sooner rather than later. Thankfully it worked and my CKD is now under control, but I have regular hospital appointments and theoretically could relapse at any time, so having the disease made me look at things in a different way. I still worked FT for another few months until about a year ago, during a really busy period at work, I just felt like I couldn't go on the way I was any longer. I went to the doctor and just broke down in tears. He wanted to sign me off work but I refused, however I spent that weekend reassessing what I needed to change in my life before I had a breakdown (which I honestly think I would have had if I hadn't changed things). I decided to ask work if I could go part time. Thankfully they said yes, and since last April I work 22.5 hours per week (Mon-Weds). Last September I took DS out of nursery as it was costing me a fortune and put him in a local pre-school. My parents took and collected him on the days I worked, then the days I was off he was with me. He's 4.5 now and has just started school a few weeks back so we have the same system in place and it works well(I'm lucky that my parents live pretty close and I'm 5 mins from school).

Honestly, it's the best thing I ever did. I was really worried I wouldn't cope financially, especially as I've got some debt to pay off too, but I've just tightened my belt and am trying to tighten it even more so I can clear the debt once and for all. It's affected my career in that I know I won't get promoted while I'm part time but that was the pay off - as far as I'm concerned you only get one life and no-one gets to their death bed and thinks 'Hell, I wish I'd worked more and seen my kids less'! The fact is, my health and my DS are more important to me than my career.

Assistance-wise I get tax credit, working tax credit, some housing benefit (I rent privately), some council tax benefit, free prescriptions and help with glasses/contact lenses. I don't get free school meals as I work. I bring in roughly the same as what I did when I was FT (probably a bit less - I could do the working out if you want?) but I what I gain can't be measured financially.

Feel free to pm me if you think I can help further. Good luck with your decision.

I'm on the other side. I was forced into took the decision to stop working, to improve our family life. It went well while I had the support of my then husband, but as soon as I realise that I was soon to become a single parent, I started looking for a job. Yes it damaged my career BROADLY.

And with that my lifestyle expectations, it is not the same to start with a crappy job when you are your and move forwards, than to start when you are older and have children on tow (much more so if you are -mostly- bringing those children up on your own.

It was good while it lasted, but on exchange of that time spent with my family, DS and I have ahead a future of hardship. It is unlikely that I would get to the position/salary I had when I stoped working (I have been trying for 5 years and I'm still worse of than when I had just finished University), simply put, whatever the laws on ageism, businesses tend to preffer hiring maleable young people that older ones with a good degree of almost out of date experience that are not as flexible or -in their eyes- as docile to supervise.

I remember long ago reading a post of one of the dads here who said something on the likes of: A single mum I know decided to stop working and concentrate on the children, I decided to continue working full time, which was though, my children were the earliest to arrive to the nursery and the last to be picked up. After a few years, we are doing well, and are more relaxed about things. My firend's children, they have forgeot about the baking, the visit to the parks and the craft, the first thing that comes to their mind when thinking of their childhood is that they were poor.

I'm starting to feel DS and I day to day life, falls on that Dad's friend's category...

Sorry about the grammar/typos, obviously... I shouldn't be mumsneting at work

I think you could use the 'entitled to' website that was mentioned but please bear in mind that in the current climate we are all at risk of being 'entitled to' diddly squat at the drop of a hat!

Just to share with you my own experience (and I don't know what your job is and whether it offers progression or not?):
I was a lone parent for a year, still am I guess in many was but now live with a new parentner. I worked full time and my DD was in childcare 10 hours a day. I never felt guilty as I went to great lengths to make sure she had the very best care. However, it often felt at the end of along week that I wasn't really up on any money at all, we were both very tired, and I saw many mums working the minimum 16 hours and claiming all sorts of benefits. I often thought 'what's the point?!'

owever, forward 3 years and I have progressed rapidly (something I couldnt have done on 2 days a week) I am earning a lovely salary, and because |I have proved my worth I have just negotiated a 4 day week and school drop off/pick up on one other day.

I beleive it is as kids get older that they start to need/want mum around more and so my advice would be to keep at it... it's a struggle at times but it seems like you have a good support network and I think it would be a shame to halt/damage your career when you could slog away for a few more years and maybe find an arrangement that suits you better. And one where you are not relying on good old David's whim in regards to how much you are 'entitled to'

Oh and I don't know your age but I am early 40s so if you are older, don't think you can't climb the ladder!

So I've phoned tax credits, they told me how much I might get a week, then the council and I've worked out housing benefit, and the really worrying thing is I'm only about £60 worse off than working full time!

OP forever? or just now? Think of the future.

i doa gre with lady trmeaine - i ahve cut my hours to 80 percent to pick up Dc from after schol club and drop them off in the morning - they need you a lot more on emotional elvel from age six upwards - pre school a good constnat carer or place of care eg nursery will work jsut as well -it is when tehy a bit older and questioning more -especially around sense of self relationship with their other parent etcetc -then you really need to b e there for them.....

younger kids - life is so striaghtofrward ina lot of ways if they in a good routine is fine.

your decision - but think longer term when your child is seve, eight, nine...a young teen.... 80 5 of a good salary higher position salry you've worked to get is a lot better than sticking at lower grade and staying there.... depoends on your line of work/career progression /opportunities for promotion as well oviously.

lots of factors - but dont factor in too much on benefits/tax credits because they may be gone before long

i meant 80 per cent of a higher salry ebcause you stuck it out to get to that level - well it is better - more financially than 100 per cent of a much lower grade...