what to do???

[happygolucky0]

Hi thought I would post this in here rather than teens as you may understand me aliitle better ......that being a single Mum makes this alittle harder than having a man around to help..... Resently I found seen on the web search history that my 13 yr old teen had been viewing porn sites. He is my only child so have never had to experience this kind of thing before. I have tried to put safe search on but it is still allowing these sites. Any advice would be very helpful. thanks

Hi, I don't really have any answers but didn't want you to go unheard. I'm sure there will be someone along soon to help you out. Maybe go on to the 'tech?' section, you're more likely to get someone to sort out the safe search query. I've read a few things about teenagers and porn and I'm afraid I think it's quite common. It's all very scary. Mine is only 8 and I'm already worried about what he will be able to access. I'm hoping the internet will eventually have an 'opt in' for porn as standard, but until then... who knows. I'm sorry, I don't think I've been very helpful. Good luck.

Talk to him about it and make it so that hecan only access the internet in a family room where you can see what he is doing. Also, do not let him have an iphone.

If you have broadband on a router then there are options to restrict site access, however they're not totally kid proof.

On the other hand he is a 13 year old boy who is entering puberty so he will see porn one way or another. When I was young it was magazines left by older kids in dens made in the woods, these days it's the internet. You may find it worrying, but it is a natural part of growing up for boys. Have you spoken to him yet about sex and relationships? Not the where babies come from, but about appropriate sexual behaviour and responsibilities?

If he's curious and exploring pornography then maybe now is the time.

The difference is nowadays it is more hardcore than a few kinky pics in a dirty mag. Now you can get full on hardcore (possibly violent and definately misogynist) videos of penetrative sex.

I think the only way is to be open about it.

Explain to him your point of view, never laugh or ridicule him.
After all he's growing, and confused too, liek he may be about relationships in general.

There's so much out there, oversexualised and shame that young boys and girls have such an early introduction to porn.

thanks for all your replies

Hi, I'm a single mum too of a teenager, tho 19 now, off to university soon, working and travelling.

I'm with LoneFather on this, best to be open about everything.

I agree all (most) teenagers see porn sooner or later, I did at the time (magazines).

I would have a conversation (ongoing) with him about appropriate responses, behaviour, growing up, becoming an adult, porn in the media and internet and how it influences society (the pornification, as they call it)have you had the condom talk? Very important!
Girls, etc.

He must have women/girls (granny, aunts, friends) in his life who give him the right way for his attitude towards women.

Also explain to him if you are going to do it, why you are accessing his internet usage to curtail inappropriate content.

If you are open to your child, and by talking to him, encourage that in him, you can talk about anything! (We do)!

All the best! Single mothering a teen is a whole lot harder than a toddler/child!

What it boils down to, is you want to be the sort of parent your child can come to, when he needs to talk. Especially as he hasn't got his dad, and especially important for boys, I think, (and teenagers), just my 2 cents.

He's 13 now, you're going to be in for quite a rollercoaster but so great too the teenage years! (once you're out at the other end LOL!)

Hug him lots! We still do, before he goes out the door!

And praise him as a person! Instilling confidence in a child is a path to happiness and balance for life!

i am with lone father too. he will see porn throughout his teenage years.

i think an open and frank discussion on what he thinks of the porn and what you think of it.

porn is very very sexist and mysoginistic. if it was me, my son would be left with no doubt about that fact.

Aww thanks again for all your posts. Everything you say makes sence but is fairly hard to do carry out. I surpose that is the resposiblity of being a parent hey!! It seems difficult to be telling him at 13 he should have to wear a condom. Or do I put it more like when you are 16 and have sex if you are with a parnter you wear a condom? Otherwise I am worried he will get the wrong message and think it is ok to go off having sex at 13 yrs old!! At the moment I have told him him he isn't to be alone with a girlfriend. Of course I don't want him getting a girl pregnant either. I just can't believe I have to sit down and talk to my son at 13 about porn (he doesn't know that I am aware of him looking at the sites at the moment ... need some more pushing guys help!