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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

What Should I Do?

9 replies

weasymeatsix · 18/01/2011 22:10

My daughter is 20 months old. I was in a brief relationship with her father - he didnt think to tell me he was engaged to someoene else. It got pretty messy when his fiance found out about me especially as i was pregnant. I genuinely had no idea about her otherwise i would have never started a relationship with him.

He is a complete twat. He has 8 kids to 8 different women and he only sees 1 of them which is the one he has to his fiance. He makes his fiance pay him to look after thier son when she goes to work. he has never had a job in his life and is incredibly lazy. I never knew any of this until a few months after my daughter was born.

Throughout my pregnancy he was in and out of my life. He never turned up to scans and came to see me a couple of times. When he was out at the pub he would tell anyone that would listen that he was going to have a daughter and he was so excited but if you asked him when he was sober if the baby was his he would deny it completely.

He didnt turn up for the birth even though he was told i was in labour and it took him 3 months to get in contact to come and see her. He saw her for nearly 5 minutes then just walked away. He was slagging me to the ground behind my back and kept denying that the baby was his. When i asked him why he kept denying it he said he wasnt and that he wanted to see her. he never turned up.

I finally cut contact with him when my daughter was 13 months old because he didnt turn up to her first birthday party. he said nobody told him it was her birthday but to be honest its his own child so thats something he should (and did) know.

I havent seen him for a few months now as i have avoided going out incase i bump into him or his fiance but recently he has been talking to my parents when they have been in the pub.

He is really angry that i have 'stopped him' from seeing his daughter. i have never ever said he was not to see her and he was the one never turning up or getting in contact. he is angry that i have got a new partner (that ive been with for 9 months) and doesnt like that my daughter spends time with another father figure. I could understand him getting upset about it if he actually saw his daughter but he cant even spell her name and knows nothing about her at all. he has saw her 3 times in 20 months.

I was receiving maintenance from him of £1.25 a fortnight (yes really) but i got it stopped a few months ago because i dont want anything from him.

I dont want him to have any contact with his daughter especially as he keeps denying he is the father.

he has failed to do 2 DNA tests that i arranged so what rights does he have if he was to challenge me for access in court?

i have still got voice recordings and text messages from him denying that my daughter is his.

OP posts:
Anngeree · 18/01/2011 23:12

What a prick tbh from what you say don't even think he would even make the effort to take you to court sounds like he's full of wind and hot waterHmm. He refuses to do a DNA test denies your daughter is his but still wants access but only when it is convienient,doesn't know when her birthday is or how to spell her nameShock . Your daughter is better off without him! I would perhaps see where you stand from a legal perspective either a solicitor or citizens advice think unless he has a history of violence a court may consider offering him some sort of access but honestly don't think it will come to that! Keep all evidence just incase though.
I'm glad in a way my xp has chosen not to have anything to do with my ds when I read your story he was just as bad though 4 kids in 5 yrs 3 different woman.

JustForThisOne · 18/01/2011 23:18

does dd has your surname?

weasymeatsix · 18/01/2011 23:40

yeah she has my surname - he didnt turn up to put his name on the birth certificate so i just put mine on it and she took my name.

he is an idiot and yeah he has a history of violence he got charged with ABH for pushing me down the stairs when he found out i was pregnant - i should have put that in my OP.

i think most of it is all talk but theres always that feeling of him taking me to court to get access. I had post natal depression for a few months after having her and i was on anti depressants etc and im scared that he will use that against me he was saying i was an unfit mother for a while.

OP posts:
chwedl · 18/01/2011 23:52

hold your head up high lady and keep on doing the great job you're doing. your daughter will grow up having the love and support of her mummy. I too have an ex who's in and out of my sons life. He has paid me £40 in a year and a half. I seriously doubt that he will take you to court. He sounds just like the kind of selfish disillusioned man that many of us have to deal with, and believe me there's a lot of them out there! If he was stupid enough to take you to court he wouldn't have a sorry leg to stand on. Remember though to write down every single detail, every contact he makes, every message etc as then you will have a log of his behaviour.

JustForThisOne · 19/01/2011 00:20

as chwedl say
lazy will never get around doing the right thing

8 kids....................... no coment

GypsyMoth · 19/01/2011 00:25

He would in all probability be made to do DNA, gain pr and then have to prove himself by turning up for access.

And court.

He'd get access, if he could prove himself and there are 'no' welfare issues

MissQue · 19/01/2011 00:28

I would report him for harrassment, if he wants to see his child then he takes on full responsibility for her, or he fucks right off and leaves you alone, no in betweens. Drag him through the courts and see how much he means it!

JustForThisOne · 19/01/2011 00:41

ILoveDiffany i also believe he would have to prove paternity yes
OP you mentioned ABH so doesnt sound you went down the domestic violence route (no restraining order)
did you put down him as father? (still it will not make any difference with a good lawyer) shame about csa but possibly irrelevant in court

weasymeatsix · 19/01/2011 19:38

When he got charged he was told to stay away from me and leave me alone which he did for about a week. i did at one point want a relationship with him but after the stairs incident i gave up on that idea and thought id try and get him involved. as stupid as i may seem for even talking to him after him trying to kill the baby and hurt me i suppose a part of me felt something for him

ill just have to wait and see if he bothers going to court.

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