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Lone parents

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Original poster

Father visiting a baby

7 replies

RedHeels · 10/01/2011 11:38

OK, My DD is 6 weeks old and her father, my Ex, has seen her 3 times: after she was born, to pick us up from the hospital and to register her. He said that for now he will be seeing her every 3 weeks (which I don't agree with - far too seldom) and it will be revised when she gets older. He says he has a problem with coming to my flat, which I assume is due to our history as we broke up several times and then always ended in bed, etc so I guess he doesn't want to come back to the crime scene Confused.

Knowing how he feels about that I tried to be accommodating so during last visit I kept on leaving the room to get on with my chores but looking back that was stupid and why should I feel uncomfortable in my own place? Also I would like to see how she interacts with other people that including her father.

I explained she's too little to be taken out, not to mention that it's the winter and she is exclusively breastfed. After having his silly phase (out of shock due to pregnancy) he seems to understand that but gets arsey in conversations about coming to my place. I guess my question is at what age did you let you baby to be taken out by their father? And where would he take them? Also although he works in London, he lives 100 miles away from us so can't take her to his place just for a couple of hours.

OP posts:
Scorps · 10/01/2011 11:41

I've had a EBF newborn alone too. First off, he saw her for about an hour a week in my house - i had a bath, or did washing, etc. Then as she got a bit more space between her feeds, i went to my parent's house for an hour and a half. Minimal conversation on return; just how was she, etc.

When she was 8 months she took a bottle and he had her for a day; then at 9 months she started sleeping over and it's fine.

Original poster
RedHeels · 10/01/2011 23:16

Thank you. Hmmm, that's what I thought - it will take several months at least. I will wait with going out and leaving them to it for a while then, as although DD usually feeds every 3 hours, she sometimes demands it after 2. Not fair on her to leave her screaming while he can't lactate Grin, although I would gladly let him see what powerful voice his daughter has, ekhem...

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 11/01/2011 14:36

He could certainly take her for a walk, surely? Even if it's only half an hour to get a newspaper or a coffee? I know it's winter but you must take her out - just wrap her up warmly. He can bring her back immediately if she needs a feed.

Original poster
RedHeels · 12/01/2011 11:46

That's true. I guess what really is playing on my mind is that I don't see how can he bond with her walking around the town with her in a buggy. The way I see it, it would be nice for both of them if he changed her nappy (OK, that might be only nice for her, he he), give her a bath, baby massage. I just don't see how can they interact with each other when she's asleep in a pram. But I guess I have to leave it up to him. Hmmm.

OP posts:
Hannispan · 12/01/2011 21:00

I left my ex when DD2 was 4 weeks old and moved 109 miles- intially we would meet in a cafe or playground and he would spend an hour with DD2 (tounge tied so breastfed very very very regularly!) and then take DD1. DD2 was ebf until 10 months and I am only just starting to wean her now - despite repeat attempts she point blank refuses any formula. At 11 months she is reluctantly taking solids and goes 3/4 hours between feeds. My ex is agaisnt brestfeeding (apparantly its a conspiracy to create absent dads) so has always made a point of how difficult it was to do with her in a small time limit. These are things I did in the early days -
Swimming - DD2 and I would have 'grown up' cake while he swam with DD1, I was on hand to feed as soon as she left the water
Library - Would drop DD2 for a couple of hours, its warm and he could read to her (or read the sports section in the paper)
Also look into local SureStart Centres. There was one that did a dads group on a sat morning that was right next to the supermarket - he prefered being with other dads and i could get the shopping done with only one small child.
However i will point out my biggest mistake was arranging most activities as he now expects that and part of the point is a break from having to fill every minute! So be careful what expectations you set up

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 01:47

in your shoes i would let him take her out. as you say, he isn't going to get much interaction or bonding pusinh her around so afetr a few tiems of this i reckon he will just start staying in your place with her. and you should just use that time to relax and do things you don't normally get the cahnce to do.

ChippingIn · 13/01/2011 02:43

If he can only be arsed to visit her once every 3 weeks he can do it on your terms - whatever they are. If it was me, it would be in the house and I'd catch up on some sleep - or have a nice cup of tea and curl up with a book on my bed.

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