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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

AIBU to think it is ok to love being single but at the same time want a relationship?

21 replies

poshsinglemum · 08/01/2011 08:38

Because I have been told on relationships that I can't love being single and yet bemoan the fact that I can't find a man.

Well I do love being single and yet I am sad that I havn't got a man atm. Anyone else feel the same?

I can see the merits in both.

OP posts:

DelGirl · 08/01/2011 08:42

feel exactly the same!

HettyAmaretti · 08/01/2011 08:43

YANBU although you must see "...I ... love being single and yet bemoan the fact that I can't find a man." is quite a contradictory statement. I think I understand what you mean though.

Anngeree · 08/01/2011 22:21

Yes feel the same.... I love being single the independence I have, no one telling me how to bring ds up and the freedom really but sometimes it would be nice to have a man to put their arms around me, to make me feel safe and protected and have someone to share the joys of parenthood with and life's other ups and downs.

justonemorethen · 08/01/2011 23:21

You can't win either way. I do the single mum life but have had a boyfriend that pays for lots of lovely stuff and tells me how much he loves us both but neither of us is prepared to give it up singleton life to live together.After nearly 7 years I'm going to jack it in because...because it feels wrong.
Will I feel better without the holidays,resturants, adoration...possibly not.

I just think enough is enough.Either you find someone who you can't be without or you don't. Perhaps we should all just look forward to finding someone in old age? I fully realise that a few weeks from now I'll be moaning that's it crap "on my own"! Please remind me of why I'm jacking it in!!

mamalovesmojitos · 08/01/2011 23:24

YANBU I feel exactly the same.

justonemorethen maybe it's that old chestnut - you're just not that into him? perhaps if he was really right for you for life, you'd be ready to give up the singleton life in a heartbeat.

lemonsquish · 09/01/2011 00:51

Me too! I've been a single parent for a long time and enjoy the freedom it gives me. I do sometimes think it would be nice to not be single, but can't find a suitable man. Maybe that means I'm not really ready, even after all this time. Maybe I'm destined to be single for ever!

QueenandKingMum · 09/01/2011 10:15

I feel exactly the same, love being on my own.. do things the way I like etc etc. But I miss intimacy with a man.. it's a funny thing.

Janos · 09/01/2011 12:40

I understand what you mean posh.

I don't want relationship as such but I do miss male company and think a part time boyfriend who doesn't hang about too much would be nice. I'm quite lazy and asocial tho.

However, I recognise that's a rather selfish/idealistic viewpoint and any man who comes into my orbit is not entitled oblige :)

beingsetup · 09/01/2011 13:02

I do like beingsingle but I really miss hugsand someone to talk to, and the constant pressure of looking after four kids gets to me sometimes.....

So I would prefer a relationship....

girliefriend · 09/01/2011 20:27

I feel exactly the same!

brazenhussy · 09/01/2011 20:36

Same here too
5 weeks in to a new relationship with a decent man, affectionate, loving, hard working, kids love him, close friends happy etc. Last night he stayed over while DC were with their dad and left early this morning for work. This afternoon I found he had left his shirt and razor here and total panic set in with the thoughts that my single days are over.
I just thought it was me who didn't know what they wanted

LittleBeaut · 09/01/2011 21:41

I like being single too. My ex (as in my boys dad) doesnt understand that as he needs to be in a relationship which is why he is in a relationship that he moans about all the time.

I did get into a relationship for a few months at the beginning of last year and 'he' came into my home and started with "we'll do this... we'll do that with your house" and he even pulled two pieces of wall paper off my wall in my bedroom one day and said "dont worry i can fix it!!" and obviously never got around to it before we parted.

I then decided I werent ready for a relationship, and met a younger man while out one night who agreed that we just wanted a bit of a 'laugh' with each other... and after four months of 'fun' I fell pregnant!!

racetobed · 10/01/2011 20:44

I like being single now, but I didn't before I had my child.

Tbh, I dont' think you are single when you have a child. Not in the all-alone-with-a-hangover-on a sunday morning- while- everybody -else -is -shagging/being with-their -children-way, anyway.

elastamum · 10/01/2011 21:48

I would love a relationship BUT the idea of sharing my childrens home with another man just leaves me cold. We are very happy at home together as we are, I just miss the intimacy and the company

fridascruffs · 10/01/2011 22:51

Yep me too, would like a man to go out with, have sex with, be in love with, but my heart sinks at the idea of having to live with someone again. Since I live in a place where everyone's already married, I'm unlikely to be faced with a choice, and perhaps it's just as well!

dobiegirl · 11/01/2011 14:11

Beingsetup - But you'd still have the pressure of 4 kids, cos there is no saying a new man will want to sort out the kids, plus then you've got to make time for him too, he might even turn out to be your fifth kid - who wants that? I think it would be a hassle to be honest and you must hardly find anytime to yourself as it is!! Let alone adding a new person to the equation.

beingsetup · 11/01/2011 15:24

That's what babysitters are for dobie ;)

LittleBeaut · 11/01/2011 16:44

I have to agree with dobiegirl a bit actually!! The fella I was seeing a few months ago... for a few months ended up being more like my 3rd son... and it did my blooming head in!! I used to cook nice proper meals when ever he came over here, if I went there it was either take away or stupidly I ended up taking the food with me - durrrr!! Then one morning I say red when I came down (it was the school holidays), he had left me in bed and gone off to work and there were crumbs all over the worktop grrrr and then to top it off he had opened a pack of 3 buns that I had bought wrapped himself one up and taken it off to work with him. The 3 buns that I had bought were for my 2 boys and my grandma who was kind enough to have them while I went to work!! I know its something silly but if he hadnt been in my life it wouldnt have happened and I would have still had three buns to take to grandmas hahaha. I think men just think they are in our lives sometimes and that entitles them to everything... wont be in a rush to do that again I can tell you x

Pollo · 23/02/2011 02:33

I have a good job, OK house, daughter of 16, no money worries (yes, I know how lucky I am) but cannot cope with not having had a man in my life for 10 years. Am slim, keep myself fit, have interests. Am becoming increasingly neurotic and depressed - it's really getting me down that in all that time no guy has considered me worth touching, getting to know etc etc etc. Am on dating sites and meet lots of guys in my job etc. Am in floods of tears writing this. I don't let on to anyone in my life how deeply this affects me - they all think I am creative, efficient and a real laugh. I wish I didn't want a guy in my life, oh how much I wish that. Sorry, just needed to let that out.

FeelingOld · 23/02/2011 10:41

Well i am single yet in a relationship if that makes sense!!

I live here with my 2 dc (11 and 16) and he lives 30 miles away with his dd (aged 20), we see each other every weekend and spend our holidays together and occasionally do stuff in the week. He has his life and his job there and i have mine here and to be honest i like it just the way it is. He is a lovely, funny, caring man, we have been together for 2 1/2 years and we are both very happy, we love each other very much, we speak on the phone most days, text every day and we look forward to the weekends when we are going to be together and we both like this and we are not in any rush to move in together, not because we dont want to be together but because we love the anticipation of seeing each other when we have been apart. Not sure if that makes sense to you, its hard to explain.

JustForThisOne · 23/02/2011 11:50

I am sick of it tbh
I have been totally single for nearly 8 years
Sure I have love, friends (a few), but no romance whatsoever and I am bored to death. I have done the gym, the courses, mums networks (married mothers though) every day, every week everyweek end the same. It is always done to me what we do, where we go... even to go on holiday is a chore, book, prepare, load the car, drive, unload...look after child, pack, drive, unload, laundry, tidy up

boreeeed

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