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Not sure what to do about exH and daughter

9 replies

toothgenie · 02/01/2011 21:11

My 12 yr old just returned from a day with her dad. She was very cool with him when he dropped her off. He said that he wasn't sure if he could make next Sunday and wouldn't know until tomorrow. When inside and able to speak she told me what had happened whilst they were at his girlfriends house. In her words,
?I know I was wrong, but he'd been trying to annoy me. I didn't think but lashed out with my foot and kicked him on his knee. Dad was very angry pushed my head down onto the sofa and shouted 'Don't you ever do that! You hear me!!If you have that attitude you can piss off back to your mum's, see if I care. This is how you turn out is it? You horrible nasty child.'?

On another occasion recently he has called her a 'mardy little shit'.

My 9 year old witnesses all of these things so I don't doubt that what I hear is true.

I left my xh because of his anger/control issues when my daughters were 9mths and 3. He applied for full custody. Cafcas decided that I should have a residence order and that he should have specific contact.

In the past there have been similar occasions when I tried to talk in a reasonable way to him but he denies anything. The next time he sees them he accuses them of telling tales and getting him into trouble.

I would appreciate any views of what I should do any ideas? I have always tried to make sure that they have a relationship with their dad, but this isn't what they should be exposed to is it? She doesn't really want to see him any more, to her this is the final straw.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 02/01/2011 21:15

She is old enough to decide or at least have her views taken into consideration. If she wants to stop contact then do so. A court will listen to her.

CarGirl · 02/01/2011 21:18

Def get some free legal advice about her stopping seeing him and perhaps cafcass being involved again for your 9 year old - how does he/she feel about seeing him with the older one there?

GypsyMoth · 02/01/2011 21:19

she can vote with her feet soon,however,her sister is a bit young yet

toothgenie · 02/01/2011 21:25

The 9 year old is indifferent but has a completely different relationship with her dad. I haven't wanted to push the issue really because I didn't want to be seen as 'leading' them into making a decision. I think it's time for a call to Cafcas.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 02/01/2011 21:30

Yep call cafcass, def the way to go x

CarGirl · 02/01/2011 21:31

Says it all that your 9 year old is indifferent tbh!

JustForThisOne · 03/01/2011 20:10

She told you she ''lashed put at him"
I would look into it. Why did she do it? With what she has been told she must be pretty worried he might be right and she may ''take after him"
She may benefit from some support too (apart from the rest you already have been advised on)

nameymacnamechanger · 04/01/2011 14:55

Why did she lash out at him? Was he taunting her or something? I'm not asking in his defence, regardless of why his response was appalling, I'm just wondering.

Sounds like cafcas may be helpful as it sounds like they have seen through the situation well in the past.

toothgenie · 04/01/2011 20:08

Thanks for your replies.
He was taunting her, she's devastated because she knows what she did was wrong. I have discussed it with her and reassured that she shouldn't feel responsable for his actions. She feels that he singles her out and picks on her. Something that my 9 year old has said independently.
I have spoken to CAFCAS today. The duty manager was very helpful, she's sending some leaflets about mediation. I'm sure he won't be intersted but anything is worth a try. At the moment neither of them want to see him anytime soon.

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