Newly single. Again.

[sjm123]

Hi,

I am 34 and have a son that turns 12 nest week and a 10 year old daughter. We haven't seen or heard from the children's biological father since my son was 4, and I had met and moved in with someone who I thought was a wonderful man and was great with my kids. We moved out of London to Bishop's Stortford with him 3 years ago as the schools in the area are much better and it's where my now ex grew up.

I haven't made any connections of my own in the area, being signed off of work with health issues means I'm at home alone a lot, with little to no contact with anyone other than my children.

The relationship with my now ex has deteriorated to the point where he isn't even contacting the children any more and I'm really struggling to know what to do and how to manage all this totally on my own. I have no family, and my friends are all in London and don't have children so I rarely, if ever see them either.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, just needed to have a bit of a vent because I'm feeling so isolated and low at the moment.

Hi SJM,

I was in a similar position 2 yrs ago when my ex left me and my kids shortly after we had moved to an area we didnt know.

It was probably the toughest time of my life ever but we have got through it and I now have built a life on my own with my kids.

The hardest thing is building a support network. Is there a local mumsnet (or netmums) group where you could make contact with other mums?

I dont have much advice but didnt want your post to go unanswered.

Hey SJM
Sorry you're feeling low and isolated - big potential trap of being a lp.
Could you try joining some groups for you and DC?
There's so many people in this boat, not just lps but mums at home with littluns, older people, unemployed etc.. It's surprising when you get talking to people how many could do with a friendly face and a cuppa. But you have to get out there to meet them!
Why not get in touch with a few old friends and invite them for a stay in the country?Are you going to be off work for very long?

I'm sorry sjm. I'm also a single mum, been divorced for 3 years and had a one year relationship with someone I really loved which ended (by him) in November. Have you thought about moving back to London or are you wanting to stay where you are and make a life for yourself there? I really feel for you. Sending you lots of love. There is a great thread in relationships called Chin up Tits out that has helped me a lot if you need to talk to other "dumplings".

Dou you think you could do some volunteering?
Perhaps dd's school?

Thanks all,

I've decided to join a yoga class and meditation class locally. Luckily my kids are old enough that I can pop out to classes just round the corner for an hour and they're ok though I wouldn't leave them for longer than that (they'd probably be fine but I'd worry myself into a panic) hopefully it'll help. I suffer from fairly serious depression too and yoga and meditation should be helpful for that as well as meeting people and getting my own life without him and his friends started.

I'd really love to move back to London but it's just not an option. We've moved around a lot, and the kids are settled and doing well in really good schools here. That was the main reason for moving here honestly, if the schools had been as good where we were I'd have stayed there and have had him move in with us there. I'm also speaking to the manager of a local charity book shop (reading is pretty much all I do when I'm in a place that I can manage it) about doing some flexible shifts helping out. They seem ok with me fitting it in around school and how I'm coping too which is great.

I'm feeling a lot more positive today, I used to be ok without him, I never had a problem making friends and getting along with people before so part of getting over the depression (and him, though I hate to admit it :S)should be that I get back to being more sociable, even if it seems like a huge effort.

Thanks loads for the lovely messages, I was feeling really quite sorry for myself and am quite isolated (and I know a lot of that is because I've been depressed and neglected friendships I do have) so they have been very helpful. I just need to force myself to make the effort and get on with it.

x

sjm123 - PM me, I think we have a lot in common :)
well apart from living on the opposite sides of London