It's time for me

[hypnopombic]

Hi there
First day, first post on mumsnet! V excited!
I have devoted the last 5 yrs since my marriage collapsed, to my boys (now teenagers)but i'm slowly realising that i have to get my own life back. I've hardly gone out in years and i've always put them first. I would like some encouragement/advice on changing my focus from their lives/needs and mine. Old habits are hard to break! Thank you!

Welcome.
Very important to have time for yourself (so I hear, don't get much of it myself yet!)

What kind of things were you hoping to try? An evening course or joining a group with interests similar to yourself perhaps?

Welcome to mumsnet. Have to say a big good for you in realising that things move on and you need to be you. So, you need to get out more...dating/evening class/meeting new friends, put a message on meet ups board (where are you?)...how about those for starters? .

Welcome and enjoy every second of your new found freedom.

I hope you find everything you are looking for :D

Hi there, well done for taking that step. I left it for far too long and am now a middle-aged long time single mum with no single life and no way to get one (I have time but no money).

I've spent the past 10 years bringing up my kids and retraining so I could buy a little house for us all. Of course I know have a crippling mortgage.

All the best and make sure you do have some life for yourself

welcome glad to hear you're focusing on yourself :) Have you thought about doing a course at college? I found lots of new friends that way.

Thanks so much everone! Overwhelmed by your encouragement and kindness :)
I think these are great ideas. I think the first thing i have to do is change the way i'm always at beck and call. When the boys are at home, i'm kinda on alert/available mode. I'm definitely going to change that. I think i've really got to try to change my whole attitude. Stop jumping hoops (also stupidly responding to scrutiny and critism from xh)
Hi teahouse. I was starting to feel that i'd left it too long too. Feeling distinctly middle-aged. But hey, who said that life has to ground to a halt when we hit our 40's? To have invested all that time and energy for your family and to have a home is wonderful altho exhaustion and ongoing struggle will make it hard for you appreciate that just now. The money thing is tricky, for sure but it's amazing what you can do on a shoe-string if you're determined!
Thanks again everyone xx

Teahouse, how about voluntary work? You say that you have time but no money. Voluntary work is free and hopefully a way of meeting new people.

Great idea amazinwoman!

What have you decided to do hynopombic?

Plans are a bit nebulous at the moment. I have a challenging job so energy levels are an issue when it comes to going out in the evening. My first step is to stop running about after my boys so much!(and stop worrying about them so much..) Sometimes i might even insist on watching tv that i actually want to watch :)I really need a huge mental shift. I'm going to reclaim my life at home first. Like not feeling guilty for holing up in my room sometimes, reading a book or spending time doing more stuff like this:) This month i've bought a concert ticket. I remember feeling amazed at a friend years ago who could happily ignore her children while she read her paper. I feel that anything i start at home is continually interrupted! And i think i've kinda given up and have sort of accepted that i cant give my attention to anything else when they're around.
I like the idea of the meet up boards but wasnt able to find them on the site. Can you help? Thanks Amazinwoman :)