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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Selfish immature ex

16 replies

beingsetup · 29/12/2010 12:16

pays nothing for his kids, NEVER gives me a break from a full time job and 4 kids under eight "in case I have some fun".

I HAVE to do something for work today, but he's not coming round or answering his phone because he thinks I'm off to have fun.

He earns double and expects me to pay for EVERYTHING as well as paying for babysitters if I ever want any time off at all. To fuck up my job in addition is really taking the piss.

Of course four kids and a full time job isn't stressful at all!!!!!!!!

He is just an immature spiteful idiot and I'm sick to death of him grrrrr

OP posts:
BeeandSon · 29/12/2010 13:16

If he earns double how come he is not paying you support?

earwicga · 29/12/2010 13:19

Organise your life so you don't need him in it.

Original poster
beingsetup · 29/12/2010 13:28

We aren't divorced and don't have any arrangement basically......

earwicga I am seriously thinking that a babysitter to pick up the kids on the days I'm working (that's all he really does is pick them up from school and cook occasionally) is worth the lack of hassle in our lives.....

OP posts:
elastaelf · 29/12/2010 13:36

Please dont let your ex continue do this to you and your kids, he is taking the piss.

Get a solicitor and start pursuing him for child support. That way at least you will have some more money coming in and you can pay for some babysitting.

I have a legal agreeement hammered out when we divirced re child support. If it didnt exist my ex would have domped his responsibilities years ago

gillybean2 · 29/12/2010 14:07

You don't need to be divorced to go to CSA. Heck you don't even need to have been married to go to CSA!! You sinply need to be the resident parent.

And yes, lack of hassle, less stress and relying on someone unreliable is def the way to go.

earwicga · 29/12/2010 14:12

Does the school have an after school facility? Most do. You can claim a proportion of the cost back.

Are you set up as a single parent yet? Definately sort it all out legally, you don't have to be divorced to do this, just legally seperated.

And sort out working tax credit etc. (if you haven't). You don't need the additional hassle of having to depend on him. If he steps up then all well and good, but in the meantime set things up so you don't need him at all as this only gives him power over your life.

Original poster
beingsetup · 29/12/2010 15:14

Sorry to sound dim, but how do you become legally separated? I looked at divorce but was told unless it was unreasonable behaviour i would have to wait 2 years..

I'm feeling as though he is being quite unreasonable to be honest...

And he's still not round having called to say he would be.....Angry

OP posts:
earwicga · 29/12/2010 15:32

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_separation for starters. I haven't actually done it so can't be of more help - I expect others will be.

Of course he hasn't been round, he has you over a barrel. Time for you to get pro-active and actually end the relationship. Good luck.

earwicga · 29/12/2010 15:36

Bit more here www.divorceaid.co.uk/legal/process.htm Just google legal separation UK for lots of stuff. Then make an appointment to see a solicitor.

Janos · 29/12/2010 16:01

beingsetup - poor you, that does sound incredibly stressful and your ex sounds like a right shit tbh.

Firstly, are you getting everything you are entitled to, wrt tax credits etc?

I second the advice to see a solicitor and get things on a more formal basis. If you aren't working or are earning under a certain amount then you may be able to get legal aid.

Also, you don't have to be divorced (or even have been married) to use the CSA.

Janos · 29/12/2010 16:02

I see gillybean got there first.

StuffingGoldBrass · 29/12/2010 17:39

Get everything formalised and involve a solicitor. There is no point in trying to make informal friendly arrangements with a dickhead. He will make sure that everything goes his way, or promise to do things to help you and then let you down: you need court orders etc in place re maintenance.
Don't worry about 'upsetting' him - remember he's a dickhead.

Janos · 29/12/2010 17:46

Reading thru again I strongly recommend that your organise your life so that you do not need to rely on him for anything.

I expect he's one of those types who will rely on you being 'nice' and not rocking the boat to get his own way.

Time to give him a metaphorical boot up the backside!

Original poster
beingsetup · 29/12/2010 18:40

Thanks, I was trying to keep it amicable, just because it's easier all round, and will try to continue to do so, but I think I do need to get something sorted out.

I'm going to have a look through tonight - I have always said he can see the kids for their sakes, and he can make life really difficult for me, which is why I haven't been rocking the boat, but I don't want to be in this situation a year from now, and I've got a feeling I will be if I don't do something.

I am getting tax credits and working full time, but I will look into the legal side of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
beingsetup · 29/12/2010 19:17

He's pressing my buttons again telling me how nasty I am, because I once questioned whether he loved me due to him cheating on me...... Hmm

It was about four years ago and anyone else would have chucked him out....Angry

But anyway I will not get wound up.......

OP posts:
Janos · 29/12/2010 19:24

Keep repeating this until you believe it beingsetup - his opinion of you DOES NOT MATTER.

So...he thinks you are nasty because you asked him a reasonable question?

Well golly gee, I (and all decent people) think leaving your ex and not paying any f'ing child support is nasty - and a lot more besides!

Seriously, don't bother trying to be nice and reasonable because he isn't, is he? See a solicitor and get things on a formal footing asap.

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