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Original poster

Really need to quit dreaming...

11 replies

Allalone0 · 24/12/2010 23:13

hasn't done me any good so far. I dreamt of having a loving and fulfilling marriage. Instead ended up having my trust and heart broken really badly.

The regret i feel is immensely unbearable. Why did i ever set eyes on him? why i did marry him? why did i stay with him for so long, and have 3 kids with him? why couldn't i have met with a really lovely guy who would have been a perfect husband and father?
(HUGE SIGH)

I should have learnt by now not to dream, but can't help wonder sometimes. Will i EVER meet someone who is a loving, caring and peaceful person? Seems crazily impossible, but can't help wanting it to happen.
(double sigh!)

OP posts:
allabouthim · 25/12/2010 00:01

Hi allalone0

I envy you. Dreaming is the start. If we have no hope, then what do we have in life. Im sorry that you've been hurt, but I think once you get over the hurt and pain, if you are able to keep hope alive.......... then?!

My problem is that I'm unable to dream, I'm so negative and pessimistic. Im watching the movie, 'the holiday' and just getting caught up in their romances. Thinking to myself, why on earth is cameron diaz still single and seeing kate winslet and thinking about her relationship history.
What I mean is, looking at celebrities and their private lives, I realise that relationship breakups happen to rich or poor, gorgeous or ugly. The only thing that makes anyone different is if they are able to pick themselves up and try again.

I personally cant. I feel too damaged. But I love hearing good love stories and stories of hope. I think if someone dreams and believes, there is someone out there. So please never give up, and let boring people like me know how you're doing Smile

startingovernow · 25/12/2010 00:09

Hi Allalone & allabout

I equally had my heart ripped to shreds, stayed longer then I should have & had 3 dc's with him. However I've dusted myself down, had loads of counselling & made a new life for me & dc's. Just when I'd decided I'd no interest in another relationship I met someone really nice. It's only 4mts in so no idea what future holds but there are some lovely men out there so don't give up hope. Give yourself time to heal first thoug & time to refind yourself. You both sound lovely so dig deep & find that hope again. 2011 is a new year & chance to start over Smile

allabouthim · 25/12/2010 00:34

xxxx

Original poster
Allalone0 · 25/12/2010 22:33

Allabout....i was watching that film aswell...lol. But i ended up daydreaming and hoping that that would happen to me and i find someone.

I get where your coming from about having hope, but im still frightened of ever trusting anyone, only to be let down badly.

(Guess im not much of an optimist....)

OP posts:
googoomama · 26/12/2010 19:24

Keep your chins up ladies. I am also a dreamer and a believer in fairytales but have ended up a single mum. HOWEVER, things can and will get better. We start at the bottom and we CAN work our way up. Self respect and self worth are the answers girls x

teahouse · 26/12/2010 19:30

I don't believe in fairytales but hold onto hope as often as I can.

googoomama · 26/12/2010 19:47

We have to love and respect ourselves, try to enjoy what we have got, work towards gaining serenity and not see a man as a knight in shining armour who can rescue us, but as someone who could enrich our lives and who would be bloody lucky to have us. Once you've reached the stage where you think you are a catch, you know you've won the battle against hurt! It's a long journey and I'm in the middle of it myself but I'm hopeful, just like you teahouse, that I can learn to love myself after all the hurt and rejection I've had, and come out at the end of 2011 as a strong, proud and mighty woman!

ladydeedy · 26/12/2010 20:41

love and respect yourself is absolutely right. I spent my 20s and 30s almost hanging round doing not much else, thinking I was going to meet mr Right, and putting everything else on hold. What a waste of my time that was. Then I realised I had better get on with my life for myself, got on at work, studied hard, began to feel more confident in myself for ME, and surprise,... met the most wonderful man and we've been happily together for 10 years, married for 7 and have a peaceful, loving and happy life together (along with his teenaged son).

Be kind to yourself and put you at the centre. Good luck.

Original poster
Allalone0 · 27/12/2010 22:13

Some REALLY good and realistic advice on here. Googoo you are right, when i got married i had hoped that i would be RESCUED from my abusive situation at home. Didn't happen, he ended up being an even BIGGER arsehole than my dad! I wish i could wake up one day and it was all just a bad dream.
As females we are sadly brought up to believe that someone will come into our lives and make it worth living.
I spent all the years that i was married trying to please him and keep him happy. I changed everything about myself, everything that i thought he didnt like about me. So much so that i had lost myself, didn't know who I was anymore!

Trying my hardest not to get caught up in all of that again, but just sometimes i feel lonely, and can't help myself from wanting someone special in my life...:-(

Keeping my feet firmly on the ground will be abit of a mission. The levels that he has stooped to has forced me to separate from him, and living alone has let me stand back and look at the situation i was in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allalone0 · 27/12/2010 22:19

And see things for what they really were, what he was realy like and how much better i deserve. Im not as bad and worthless a person as i thought i was. I definitely didn't deserve to be treated the way i was and not again in the future either!!!

OP posts:
googoomama · 28/12/2010 22:09

Everyone deserves someone to love them properly. We all need to really believe that we are worth loving and that takes time. This is going to be my year to do it :) You are going to be fine All. We CAN do it! Keep posting if you need to. And look at the Chin up Tits out thread - it's a great place to start... :) Much love to you x

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