I keep ringing my Ex and need to stop!

[SingleMumAndProud]

Sorry for yet another post - I am having a miserable week with lots of moaning!

My husband has a new girlfriend and up until he met her we spoke a lot on the phone and although we argue (which we always have done) we were friends and would ring each other a lot.

Now he has lost interested and doesn't answer the phone to me much. I know I should just leave it but I just keep ringing and texting him. So When I do finally talk to him, he is annoyed that I keep ringing and i am annoyed at being ignored so it just ends up in an arguement.

I know I should just stop ringing him but for some reason I can't! I don't want him back, and I don't even hate the thought of him being with somebody else. But why can't I leave him alone?! I guess I just feel like I have lost a best friend

I am happy if I get to ring somebody else. But TBH I don't have many friends and my family are never really wanting to talk so I think the main problem is lonelyness . I do speak to some of them, but I get the impression they are like "oh god its her again" and they are always trying to end the conversation after just a few mins

Thank you for your support

I have been going out and meeting new friends, but I don't want to ring up people I have just met and expect them to have a long conversation with them about all my problems iyswim? I would scare them off! I feel I need somebody to talk to, but the only person I feel I could tell anything to is my husband who has also been my best friend as I lost contact with most of my friends when we got together as most of them could see he was useless but I couldn't.

Hi there

I read your other post too but didn't have time to reply and you'd had quite a lot of good replies already.

You have been through a lot in a short space of time & Christmas is coming... it's not suprising you are feeling a bit lonely. I think that must be the single worst part of being a lone parent :( It's harder to get out and meet new friends etc and you are 'stuck' home a lot of evenings on your own once the kids are in bed... it can't be easy.

However you have now found THE biggest, best, group of supportive, moaning, happy, whinging, excited, bored, conservative, 'out there' group of friends you could ever want :)

You will get a lot of company here and a lot of support.

I know it's not the same as having your H to talk to and I understand what you mean about now losing your friend - but to be honest, it's probably for the best. It's time to find another best friend and someone you can talk to. You never know, one of the girls you have met at the toddler group maybe your new best friend.

Have you phoned your old friends? They'd probably love to hear from you!

In time, and don't rush into it, you will find another partner - a better one this time! But wait a while. Spend time being you.

In the meantime - have fun around here OK x

Thank you so much

I've been having a bad couple of weeks, and did what another op suggested, posted on MN ..and got some really good responses back which put me back on track again..and made me realise that it was in my hands to look at things in a more positive way.

So...post on here if you are feeling fed-up and need the contact. Try taking it hour by hour, everytime you feel the need to ring him, try and distract yourself...go for a walk around the block..anything that will pass the time and urge to call.

It's good that you've been making new friends you don't have to talk to them about your problems...just general chit chat will give you that human contact. Yesterday I took myself off for a walk into town and chatted away to a women in a shop about rubbish (how leggings make us feel like max wall!) for half an hour!!!

The missing your best friend is normal, but he's not your best friend anymore (sorry this sounds harsh)...this is your new normality, it takes some getting used to but you will start to build a life that doesn't include him...and you can!!

I haven't yet, I really want to though. I wasn't sure if we had the grounds for divorce, looking at what the "rules" are online. ALTHOUGH now he is sleeping with somebody else - does that give me grounds for divorce? I find the whole thing so confusing. I didn't know you had to have one of the specific reasons. Surely the fact you are separated and don't want to be together is good enough grounds for divorce?

Depends how fast you want it to be.

Hi single mum, Its really tough when you know you need to move on but keep fiding yourself drawn to your ex.

If there is one book I read that really helped me it is this one.

Leaving Him Behind: Cutting the Cord and Breaking Free After the Marriage Ends by Sandra S. Kahn.

Its on amazon and really worht a read. I still re read mine from time to time when I find myself struggling with my new single life 2 yrs on.

Stay strong

I know exactly what you mean I have been in same situation with my ex. I have now taken ex phone number out of phone so I cannot call or text on impulse. I have to look for mobile number if I want to get in touch by the time I have done this I generally have it out of my system. I also have a deal with a friend that I text should I have the urge to contact the ex - this seems to work quite well. Good luck I know how hard it can be.

Thank you for the comments elastaelf and bobletsmum it really is food for thought.

I too have overrelied on my ex and barely anybody has picked up on that why is the world out there so dense it has been five years and I still ring him in a crisis it is ridiculous.

He is Jeckell and Hyde on Sunday he was so obnxious I thought he would get violent I had to quickly remove myself from his home when I was picking up our son.

Life eh!

also think about doing something else other than phoning people. Sounds like you have time on your hands and you are not sure how to fill it. You could use your time to a constructive end and keep busy. Like making stuff for christmas (you can get craft books at your library) or reading, or studying, or decorating your house etc. Anything to keep you focussed on something else other than him!