am I weird?

[emmaneezerscrooge]

I only ask, because, today, would have been the ex and I's 12th anniversary..

and I dunno, it gets to me... I'm not sad as such, but I remember what once was, and what could never have been, and see how far I've come since I very gently explained to him, that I only loved him as a friend and that wasn't right or fair to carry on, he deserved more then that... or at the very least someone who wasn't living a lie, for the sake of the kids...

its just there are people (very close friends infact) who think its odd that it still stands out in my mind as a date that triggers a response of kinds in me...

maybe its just because its late in the evening and Im sat up on my own, surrounded by poxy snow, so haven't been able to distract myself by tiring the kids out, with anythingother then a vigourous round of 'lets tidy up again'

it was very important to you once and you have made a lot of changes in your life since. I don't think it's weird but natural.

there is always going to be that element of what if? But you made your decision and you stand by it. It doesn't mean you can't be sentimental.

In fact, I always remember that on the 20th November I started going out with my first proper boyfriend (1995) I still feel sentimental. Haven't seen him in 13 years but hey it happens

Not at all.

I sometimes feel my memory is a curse and dates and anniversaries stand out like beacons I just hope as time goes on it will fade - am one year into h leaving

Thankyou both!

Not weird at all. It was a big important date and event for you. And at the time I'm sure you loved him very much and believed you would be together for ever.

You also didn't say how long it has been since you separated/divorced. If it is still fairly recent then of course it will have more significance and meaning. In time it will fade a bit more, but it will probably always have some significance for you.

I do believe that when you truly love someone that doesn't go away. On some level you will always care for them even if you aren't in love with them any more. And life is about memories. Important events will always trigger some kind of feelings in you on some level.

Its been.. hang on, 2 years and 2 1/2 months..

so, its not a raw nerve by any means, but its fairly recent in history as t'were, it'll fade.. but at the same time, I'll always remember - he was my first 'proper' relationship... it was going to be always and forever, I changed who and how I was to make HIM happy for christs sake - oddly in the end that in itself was part of what drove us apart - that and the seperate lives, seperate circles of friends.. the only thing that held us together for the last 4 years or so of the relationship was the kids, and in the end, it wasn't enough, we'd booked a wedding for our 10th anniversary that was what did it in the end.. the prospect of till death do us part.. imagine spending the rest of your life, with someone who loves you as a friend... out of some misguided sense of doing what was 'right'

looking back, it was a very sad situation, and he was quietly controlling and manipulative - never what you could call abusive, but for a long time I did what I had to, because he IS a nice bloke, and he loves his kids...

ach, I'll be reet..at least I know I aren't some morbid fatalistic loon now... and hey this time next year, god only knows where I'll be at in my life - I mean Jarvis Cocker has to realise eventually that he loves me, right?

Absolutely!