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Original poster

How did you feel when he moved on with somebody else?

6 replies

SingleMumAndProud · 03/12/2010 23:57

I split with my husband in July and have 2 toddlers and I am on my own.

I have today found out he has a new girlfriend, which I have been suspecting for a couple of weeks but today he admitted it.

I can't really decide how I feel. On one hand, I feel relieved, as now I can do what I want now without feeling guilty. Not that I am likely to meet anybody anytime soon.

On the other hand I feel really annoyed. Only a few weeks ago he went mad at me for being in contact with an ex even though we had only chatted through facebook and text..

And I have just sat here in tears for an hour. And I don't know why. I don't want to get back with him. And I am glad as now I can be around him without him trying it on with me which he has done a lot when visiting the kids.

I honestly don't know why I am crying. I don't want him at all anymore and if I didn't have kids with him I would be happy never to see him again.

OP posts:
daddydaycare51 · 04/12/2010 01:51

Hi singlemum and you where right to be annoyed with him for going mad at you. The only reason he did that was to deflect any guilt he had for meeting someone else.
I am on my own with 4 kids so I know how it feels BUT I would not have it any other way , I have MY house with MY rules , the other thing is when you arrange contact for him and your kids make sure it's contact that is convinient for you and the kids and not just for him. I dont mean make it awkward for him BUT he can't just pop round when he feels like it to see the kids it has to be structured and do you have a residency order(formaly custody order). If he keeps trying it on when he comes to see the kids make his contact days when somebody can be at home with you during his visit if not then seek legal advice because even though he is your EX it does not give him the right to sexually harrass you on his visits. By the way if you don't mind me asking how old are your children ??. The thing to do now is to arrange your life around you and your kids show him how happy you and the kids are and that you really don't need him there anyway. The thing is he is banking on you and your kids missing him being there , you will meet someone when the time is right I have been single now for 7 years and have and still am loving it. and my kids are 13 , 11 , 8 , 7. anyway soz for rambeling on but all I am saying is for you to take control of the situation ok.

solo · 04/12/2010 02:03

I think you are feeling sad because regardless of how you split or who did the dumping, you are grieving and that is very normal. I'm still grieving (in fact not really started properly yet) 2 years on.
I hope you can do as ddc says and show him that you are happy without him. Good luck. :)

Flame · 04/12/2010 02:55

I am waiting for this.

For me it will make a big difference over who it is - if it is someone new, or the "friend" I feel was instrumental in our split even if there was no physical affair.

I will be upset either way, I know I will (if it is with her then it will be upset plus feeling ashamed as I have defended him to my family and friends many times on the subject). It is just the finality of it imo. Even though I have been with someone else. Does that make sense?

It makes the ending so much more final. Let yourself grieve, then keep on knowing you are soooo much better off.

Original poster
SingleMumAndProud · 04/12/2010 09:22

Thanks for the replies. I am at least glad I know now. Where as for weeks I have been suspecting it and sort of trying to find out what was going on (ie looking on facebook etc - I haven't actually asked him). So at least now I know where I stand which for me is much better. The one thing I hate is not knowing what is what and what.

OP posts:
gillybean2 · 04/12/2010 11:05

Perfectly normal to cry. It's the emotional release of knowing that it is now over completely as well as grieving for what was and should of been.

Btw, don't assume he will stop trying it on with you. Whether he is pushing it, playing games, or genuinely hoping to succeed you need to nail that one on the head pronto and stop it happening.

And as for him going mad at you for talking to another man even though you are separated - unless you were trying to patch things up and both hoping to resolve things then that just proves how well rid of him you are.

At least now you know it's completely over and this is the start of your life apart and free.

You can really start to rebuild and move on now. It gets easier from this point onwards (though not any quicker to achieve). Give yourself time and don't feel you have to rush off out there to get yourself a man. And don't be wondering why you're crying and how you feel about it all. Just let the emotions run free, there is no rhyme or reason to them, and come here to rant or for support if you need too.

belleshell · 06/12/2010 16:09

WOW single mum and proud.... are you living my life.i too feel exactly the same and i too was given a gob full for talking to a male friend on facebook and text........my friend was one of many my ex accussed me of having an affair with, when the truth was i have never cheated in my life...

oi have sat and cried today too and didnt know why, i think it is the fact that despite not wanting him at all i have realised he is no longer nothing to do with me.i then getr angry with myself for crying so it ends up a vicious cirlce with me sobbing and beating my self up for it..i can truely say i am happier now thou than i have been for the past 2 years.....

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