This is tearing me apart .....................

[loulounz]

Dh has just picked the dd's up and I'm in floods of tears again. I hate this - I don't want them to go. I feel like my heart is being ripped apart. I just don't want to be apart from them.

Why is it easy for some people to let go - other threads I read make me feel so weak and childish.

I just can't cope with this though and I know he will want them for longer soon. I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

I want to run away and hide.

NO amount of "keeping myself busy" helps.

What else can I do?????????????????????

How old are your children?

Do you feel like this when other people look after them, or just when their father does?

loulou
what effect do you think your feeling like that has on your children?

A major turning point in a divorce is the moment when you stop just keeping yourself busy at moments when you are on your own, and start doing something NEW that you would never have done while married.

Sorry about double thread - was probably crying at the time and hit button twice.

Nightynight - I don't cry or show how upset I am in front of the dd's (I know this wouldn't be fair to them) - I put on a brave face, wave them goodbye and then get really depressed.

I think the point of this thread, NN, is that LL hasn't got to that turning point yet, and is asking for support to help her deal with her feelings while she gets there.

Caligula
we all know that divorcing is very unpleasant, especially when you just wanted to stay happily married, as loulou said that she did on another thread. I am not unsympathetic, but the best support comes from within when a person has faced up to a different reality and adapted to it as fast as possible. and no amount of sympathetic words is going to alter that situation.

No, but you also can't hurry it - you can't get to that stage before you're ready.

It's well recognised that grieving, whether it be for deaths or other losses, have stages that people need to go through before they can move on. Denying the need for those stages and just trying to get to the next one without acknowledging the need to be in this one, as it were, is not going to work.

(I hadn't seen LL's other thread btw. But I gathered from the duplicate of this one that the break up is quite recent.)

yes, you are right about grieving. My view is slanted by the fact that dx was married before I met him, and I have seen at first hand the fallout from his ex-wife in similar circumstances.(limiting his contact with his children, showing that she wasnt happy about them spending time with him etc. children do pick these things up) I am sure she didnt mean to cause harm, she was very upset about the divorce herself.

I love my children as much as anyone else. when dx first took them without me, they went on holiday to his country and they were away 6 weeks. you can imagine how I felt! but I dont regret them going for an instant, they really "bonded" with dx, and came back full of travellers tales.