Divorce

[twinkle1010]

I have been seperated for my exH for almost four months. I am absolutely positive that I want a divorce, hopefully as quick as possible. He was cheating and is still with her and I know that we are over.


I appreciate that it is all relative but I was just wondering if anyone could help with a basic idea of what getting a divorce costs. (and any advice?) We have a house in negative equity which we have agreed he will continue to pay for and take my name from the mortgage. I will therefore be free to rent/buy alone. We have one child and have agreed access.

Although it is not amicable we are both in agreement that we would like to divorce.

Thank you for any advice you can offer.

[mellowdramatic]

If it's very amicable you could just have one solicitor sort it out for you - from experience when you get two solicitors things can get confrontational even when you instruct them not to and that's when things get expensive. If you got a solicitor they would act for you though and your xh would respond on his own behalf. I had a really nice solicitor who referred us to a mediator to sort things out financially. xh ended up with a complete dick of a solicitor who did everythign possible to squeeze every penny out of him.

i spent c £1500 including transfer of house in the end but xh claims it cost him much more (not that i believe anything he says!!)

It would help speed things up if you documented all your finances in advance i.e. all your assets and debts including pension, house, cars and anything else of value, and agreed on paper how you will split things. Agreeing before you even see a solicitor will stop lots of £150 letters going back and forth!

These are just thoughts from my experience - I'm not an expert! Good luck.

[lilac21]

Have a look at the wikivorce website, there is lots of guidance and loads of people who have been through it who are happy to help.

I've spent over £1000 so far and haven't even filed the petition yet - exH spent so long arguing over the unreasonable behaviour on it that we have now agreed to wait another six weeks and then file on two years separation

[twinkle1010]

Thank you for your advice.

Do we have to declare all of our assests. We both have a car and earn approx the same amount. The only difference is that I have a pension. We are making no claim on each others assets apart from me claiming child maintanence. (I have some savings that I have been saving since he left I dont think that this is any of his business tbh, I have been saving this whilst he has been spending all of his on the OW.)

[gettingeasier]

We just sorted out the division of our assets ourselves and xh instructed a solicitor to draw up an agreement based on what we agreed. This was quicker and cheaper but has relied on us being in agreement on the way its been split. Likewise with maintenance he has made me a fair offer based on our own discussions of outgoings etc and this is being formalised too. The CSA website gives info on how it can be calculated.

If you do things as we have there is no need to disclose your savings but if the solicitors do it you will need to fill in a Form E which demands disclosure of every last thing you both own.

From what you have said I would have thought you could do this between you. My xh went to an ow and we are civil not amicable and all ours has been done via email or telephone and its worked out fine.

Also I think he will have a claim to half your pension if he doesnt have one but I dont know.

Good luck you sound incredibly strong for only 4 months in !!!

[twinkle1010]

Thankyou.

I dont feel strong but this whole thing is turning me into a person that I do not want to be. We had an awful row yesterday and I just want it to all be over tbh. A divorce and renting somewhere else will at least put a stop to some of the contact that we are having.

We are not getting back together and I dont want to be married to the person that he has become.

Does he really have a claim to my pension, what if he says he doesnt want anything? That really annoys me tbh as I have been paying almost 150 a month for eight years whilst he just spends all his money on cars etc

[lilac21]

No, he doesn't have an automatic claim, you can agree the financial arrangements between you and it can be whatever suits you both. If you reach a private agreement, I don't think you have to do the full financial disclosure. They are useful if there is a significant disparity in your incomes and pensions, but savings and assets acquired during the marriage are jointly owned, not 'his' or 'yours'.

[changeforthebetter]

My solicitor quoted me £1.5k total including the mediation costs. I am just over the legal aid limit . Hopefully X will not be an arse uncooperative and it won't cost more. You can look for lawyers who specialise in collaborative law or who have signed up to the association of something or other (sorry post-playcentre- birthday-party brain numbess!) anyway it's solicitors who undertake not to be confrontational. HTH

[gettingeasier]

Definetly dont have to do full disclosure if you agree amongst yourselves.

Obviously if he doesnt want anything then thats fine thats what you would agree.

All I can say is part of my settlement is half xhs pension to date , I have been a SAHM and have no pension so I dont know if thats why.

I agree though if he has chosen to make no provision when he has a job that may well be different.

[TrappedinSuburbia]

Dp's divorce cost about £500 as it was him who initiated it and it didn't cost his ex anything I don't think.
No issues over property (none) or residence, so a really straightforward case.

[mellowdramatic]

Just to warn you that your NHS pension will be worth quite a bit because it's such a good scheme. If you keep the pension he'll be entitled to more of the remaining assets. I don't know if you can get out of doing full disclosure - it's definitely worth seeking some advice. I found this site quite useful if youdon't want to see a financial adviser or solicitor yet Just answer.com

[twinkle1010]

Thank you for all of your help. Wish this whole thing was over and wasnt so complicated. I definintely need to seek advice, wish I knew a solicitor!

Will do some more research and hopefully this whole mess will be over soon. Will look at the website suggested tonight. Lets hope we can make a private arrangement.

[Leslaki]

if you have a child and are the parent looking after your DC, housing etc etc I can't see why your pension would be taken into consideration. My XH's pension was only looked at because I ahd given up a career and potentially good pension etc to raise our DC (still worked p/t on very low money)and they said I would need it etc etc. Stick your savings into a new accoutnin your childs name - not your assett then. But if you can be amicable and not drag it though the courts you will sabe thousands. My divorce cost me about £30,000 cos XH and his OW were complete arses - he also argued for months about the 'unreasonable behaviour' - twat!! In the end he lost out - I'd intially offered him £25K to walk awaywith his debts and pension, me keeping te house. He fought it and got a £12,500 loan paid off (judge ruled that!!!) as his share of the equity and I got half his pension! The Judge seemed well pissed off about the amount of legal bills XH had forced me to run up cos of his unreasonable behaviour, contempt of court etc etc etc....