I could have started this post.
Boo and Gettingeasier's comments about being unforgiving about friendship misdemeanours really strikes a chord. This is something I've really had to work on too. It still pains me deeply that, quite often, so-called friends rarely get in touch with me;- that I have to do all the running.It also hurts me that I am not essential to the lives of anybody except DS,and maybe my family. It's easy to feel peripheral to the rest of society.
I think the answer to the original question is that it's not JUST that it's because we're LPs that we're lonely, but being a LP makes it much harder if you have a tendency to loneliness. Having a partner is a buffer against the world. Many lazy/ antisocial people don't bother socializing much without their partner, so that's them useless as potential friends for LPs.
Also, I think that many smug marrieds subconsciously think that single parenthood is Catching.
Also, let's face it, quite a lot of people, especially English people, get scared of Emotion, Woe and Drama, which many of us who have had a hard time are prone to bang on about....Far better sticking to hubbie's hobbies and toilet training.
(visions of self floating around at playgroup, screaming inside, nodding and smiling at people asking me how I am, because they DON't WANT TO KNOW that DS's half-brother is there with his mum, with whom I'm tentatively trying to get on good terms, and then the married woman that DS's dad ran off with, who is a fairly dreadful person in herself, turns up and starts cosying up w/ half-brother's mum (DS's dad is denying paternity, denying everything, while lavishing attention this woman's kids).If I told them all this they would think I'm a drama queen mentalist! They want to have cosy conversations about cute things the kids have done!)
Whoops. Ranting.
So...I suppose that a fundamental thing that we have to accept is that people do not give a fuck. They should, but they don't.
The only answer, I think, is to grow another skin, accept that you're going to have to do most of the running in friendships, try and act like a happy, confident person with friends even if you're not, and give give give in your friendships till it hurts- ask people how they are, send them little cards, whatever, even though you of all people don't have time or energy to spare...Have low expectations and then you won't be let down.
Ranty ranty rant...