Online dating. Am losing hope - advice needed.

[MakeYerOwnDamnDinner]

Have been on-line dating for around 2 months, first with Match.com, then with Guardian Soulmates. I am steadily losing hope and becoming very frustrated. I have recently been chatting to two really nice men, one through e-mail, with the second we had got as far as texting. But both seem to have gone poof into thin air, my last e-mail and text having gone unanswered. They were the only two men I was really interested in. Most men who contact me seem to be about twenty years older than me and look like a serial killer. What to do now? Is e-mailing or texting again after someone has not replied always a bad idea?

leave it a couple of days before messaging again, men are off creatures and assume things if you have the temerity to say hello...

if its still all quiet, well.. write them off..

I threw in the towel...I have accepted that I have a life of mass cat ownership ahead of me...

Hi Emmalou,

How long did you try it for? Did you ever have experiences similar to my own? Because I'm starting to take it all rather personally

For gods sake, this was supposed to be fun!

I had a few sucesses.. plenty of blokes who were all chatty chatty then vanished, a few dates, one very very intense 'relationship' a bloke who was hoping we could have a grown up arrangement (he dressed it up lovely, but he still meant fuckbuddy - no thanks) ooh and I had an absolute blast when a swinger tried to groom me....

I came to the conclusion I must come across as a loony, and my opinion of being average looking must be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off the mark.. and stepped away before I developed a complex about it all!

the final straw was someone sending me a message on a different site, where I didn't have a profle up - had just registered for a perve at someone a mate mention , becuase I lived closer then anyone else on there...I felt so LUCKY!

Oh and I tried it for a good 6 months... these folk who get dates every week... I have no idea how..

It's normal to disappear on these site, I'm afraid. Until you have met up a couple of times no-one owes anybody any kind of courtesy. Oh and that can also apply if you have met up twice and got close and personal as has just happened to me on pof!

Abouteve,

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that. That is a shitty thing to do to somebody I think. I don't have a problem with men just wanting sex, as long as they're honest about it and so give us women a chance to decide whether we want that too. Pretending to be interested in having a relationship with someone and then disappearing once they have 'put out' is really low. Common though unfortunately.

Emmalou,

Yes I'm afraid your experiences don't surprise me one bit. I've already been on a date with a man who suddenly claimed that he was working in the same town the next day and so was thinking of booking a room in the hotel over the road for the night... hint hint. Honestly - the nerve of it!

I honestly wouldn't mind if that was all a guy wanted, it takes two and all that, even if it was communicated afterwards, but to completely disappear is the pits, isn't it? At least I presume that is what has happened. I might be proven wrong, yet.

Hello I feel your pain, joined an online dating site about a month ago, so far have blocked about 10 pages of men because they are either;
a) at least 20 yrs older than me

b) look like they should be on crime watch / most wanted line ups.

c) they live at least 200 miles away but 'distance doesn't matter to them'

d) they are semi naked in the profile pic.

e) they start conversations with 'hello beautiful/ gorgeous/ sexy or something equally patronising and creepy.

Its very depressing..........

Nothing really to add but I so second your post girliefriend! That and the ones where they don't have a pic and says it's for professional reasons ... and the ones who say 'hi hunny' ....

Don't know what to suggest. I have an awful track record of online dating. I have 'dated' only a handful of times. 2 times I ended up in 'relationships' with african men, and each time regretted it. OK, the sex was good, but they wanted me to have their baby while they couldn't even afford to buy me drinks out or pay the journey to visit me!

Now I find that I get very few men messaging me, and only a fraction have even a possibility of interesting me. See my thread; 'am I being too fussy'

Is it really too much to ask for an interesting, hardworking, fun guy to settle down with and maybe have a family. I have one DS, 7 yo. Since he was 3 I have been yearning to have another baby with a loving partner who will take responsibility and care for us all, who I can care for too. As the years have passed, I am having to face the harsh fact that my DS will never have a playmate sibling. I am 33, and although fertility isn't yet an issue, in a few short years it really will be. And besides, will I really want to have a baby, with nappies, sleeless nights, terrible twos etc... when my DS is becoming more independant and I have my freedom back again?

It is all so frustrating. Am I really that unloveable and worthless?

Sorry am feeling sorry for myself!

Can I ask if women have to pay to message on those sites. Us men do. The prices vary.

Don't know about women having to pay as I wouldn't, better stuff to spend my money on.

No you are not expecting too much but you might not find it on internet dating, it's pants. Although lots of people say it works for them.

I tried online dating but it didn't work for me until I put an ad on my local gumtree. Loads of replies, I think it may have something to do with it being free? Met my perfect man and am enjoying my happy ever after

I'm a single dad and I've tried it, it can be a bit of a nightmare for men as well, especially when people find out you spend a lot of time with your children.

Gracie was it because it was local?

Truck, give and take, is important, getting the balance right. If you have not time for a new relationship then forget it but of you know you can give a bit of time and effort then do.

We single mums have the same challenges.

Oh I think I'm ready. Time is always an issue if you put your kids first, I suppose you have to learn to make time for yourself, or I could be single for the next 6 years.

Most - 90% of the dating sites take a subscription for the service from guys. Match Affinity is £118 per year to receive/send a second message. £89.40 for 6 months, but surely you only need 3 months if the system is so good = £74.70. Most guys are down the pub. Go out with work colleagues, friends, hen nights, anything. A remember, us ugly ones know the value of a good personality in others...

Yup women have to pay too(I only stuck at it for as long as I did so the 6 month subscription fee wasn't wasted

I've come to the conclusion, I'm as likely to meet the new love of my life in the chilled section down Tesco as I am on some pay to use website.

I agree, but as a stupidly shy guy, I have only ever had girlfriends from the internet (and they we long distance, from 50 miles+). Locla means he is likely to be able to spend more time with you. Long distance is a pain on the wallet too (money again?)

:)

Well it's £30.00 for a months subscription on Guardian Soulmates (slightly cheaper if you pay for a 3 or 6 month chunk) so not cheap. In all fairness there are some very attractive and interesting people on there, but they tend mostly to be based in London. You have to navigate your way through all the leches aswell but that's the same for any site I suppose.

Research eh? and a parenting forums way way cheaper then sending mesages to single women of a certain age on dating websites to enquire directly?

Whats the research for? An Article? a documentary? or do you have kids of dating age and your looking for soe kinda family hook up?

Oh for goodness sake. Can you post anything on here without someone rocking up to point a cynical finger of suspicion?

Insertamusingnamehere, I've been posting on mumsnet for ages and have been involved in a lot of the internet dating threads. Why? Because I'm a lone parent who is internet dating, that's why.

Go and hunt for trolls somewhere else.