Im new to the site, but thought I would introduce myself and give some info about me, and hopefully hear how other single parents manage. Its a tough old game! Sorry if it turns out to be a long one but thanks for reading.
Im mum to 3 children, two boys who are 15 and 14 and one girl who is 10. I split from my ex-husband almost 5 years ago. The children havent seen their dad for 4 years now (long story). I work full time, term time as PA to the headteacher for a local school.
I think in the early days I was coping well being by myself, but just lately, Im finding every day to be a constant struggle. I made the decision to end my marriage and get out of a controlling and violent relationship. My ex still blames me for him not seeing the children, and refuses to see them because he doesnt want anything to do with me. He is now married and has two step daughters. His new wife is a total bitch - have never met the woman, but had plenty of correspondence and phonecalls, most of which isnt particularly pleasant.
I have reached the point where I think that the kids are better off without him, he clearly isnt thinking about what is best for them, rather what is best for him, but being with the children 24/7 certainly takes its toll.
Teenagers are difficult at the best of times, but I have to play good cop/bad cop and the kids know exactly which buttons to press. Consequently, Im always on edge, I lose my temper and end up shouting at them too frequently, then have serious guilt trip for flying off the handle to what seems so trivial afterwards. I have no 'me' time. The only time I have away from the kids is when Im at work and that isnt really my time! I dont really have much in the way of family support, my mum is incredibly selfish and doesnt help out and my friends who might help also have families of thier own and I dont want to be a burden to them....
Financially, things are not great, I was left with a number of debts which Im managing to pay (just) but there is usually more month than money and the last week or so of the month is really tight. I do get CTC and child maintenance (sporadically). CM is done via the CSA, but I cant depend on the money on a regular basis, it goes from being paid every week, then nothing for 7 weeks followed by a lump sum!! Not exactly easy to budget with.
I do have a partner, a man Ive been with for 2 years, we dont live together and generally only get together at weekends, so still consider myself to be a single parent - its me that does the parenting! He has a 12 year old daughter who is somewhat challenging to say the least, the best way to describe her is 'jeykll and hyde'.
Everyone else I know in this situation all get a break from the children as they have reasonable arrangements with ex's. I dont know of anyone else in the same situation, I desperately need a break before I lose it completely. Its not unusual for me to be in tears most days - total frustration in my ability to cope, guilt because I cant give the kids everything they need.
To everyone else, I am this wonderful person who manages to keep down a full time job, bring up 3 children by myself and on the surface am coping admirably, but inside I just dont want to do it anymore. Whilst the kids are all fairly well adjusted young people, the boys have their fair share of problems (eldest has medical issues that are ongoing, middle one is just very angry with his dad which brings its own issues the youngest was 6 when I split with their dad and doesnt really know any different, Im sure her teenage years will be different!)
If anyone is in the same or similar situation and has coping strategies that might help, would be much appreciated!
Sorry to waffle but thanks if you made it this far.