Ex trying to controll new relationship

[gogozozo]

I left the father of my kids 18 months ago now and feel he is still trying to controll my life.
I began a new relationship 11 months ago and for the last few months this man has been spending time with me and the kids (they are 3 and 6). They seem to get on really well and enjoy each others company.
The kids have been speaking to their dad about him which i understand is painful for him. He has told them he doesnt like him and doesnt want them to talk about him. I feel this is very confusing for the kids.
Their father has also demanded that i have my new relationship entirely independently of the kids. Does anyone elce think this is unreasonable?
Does anyone else have experience of talking to their kids about new partners? I have tried to be really open with them and they appear to be fine with it, they always ask where he is when hes not around and draw pictures for him and stuff.
I just feel like i want to get on with me and the kids lives and be happy without someone else putting constraints on it.
Sorry this is the first time i've posted anything, it might sound a bit waffly!!

I think you need to be a bit sensitive that your ex is hurt but he has no right to ask you to keep the new relationship separate. He will always be your kids dad.

Did you leave him because he was controlling?
IF SO ...tell him to "be a dear and fuck off".
If not , then ask him why ?.

Does he have fears that your dp will be first of a line of many, and the kids will find it difficult ?

Either way you need to state it clearly that whoever you have a relationship with is none of his business.
He has no say on your decisions to have around the kids during your time.
The only time when he can dictate whos near the children , is when he has his access visits.(& vice versa).

Thanks guys.
Yeah my main reasons for leaving were that he was controlling and belittleing. Its just frustrating that he still has so much controll over my life (much of this controll gets exerted through when he will and will not provide childcare).
It is a good idea to open up a dialoge about his concerns...will try!
I guess as the father of my kids he will always have a certain amount of controll over my life.

I think hes still trying to control you ...this is his way of doing it. He is getting sick satisfaction from this .
Just tell him to fuck off.

You are the parent with residency , you are in control if he doesnt like it ....too bad

I agree it is none of his business but all I would say is think how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot, a woman you dont know bonding with your kids - again you would have no control but it's not a nice feeling. Try the sympathetic approach to determine his concerns and if that does not work make it clear it is none of his business.

Hope you get it resolved soon :)

If this had been posted that your ex was introducing a new woman after 5 months I don't think the advice would be he can tell you to Fuck off would it?

I'm a father and if I thought a new man was usurping me as dad I would be devastated.

I agree, telling someone to "fuck off" is never constuctive.
Noone is trying to usurp him as a father, but it is another man having a relationship with his ex and spending time with his kids. I can understand that that is painful. It is however inevitable at some stage that people move on and begin new relationships.
He will always be their father and they love him dearly, he will never be replaced.

"I guess as the father of my kids he will always have a certain amount of controll over my life"

OK let's turn that round.

"As the mother of my kids she will always have a certain amount of control over my life"

Does that sound reasonable to you?

If you want to be reasonable (although I always feel there's no point being reasonable with people who aren't amenable to reason, but I suppose you don't want to leave any stone unturned) ask him whether he will conduct all his relationships with women away from the children?

He might be devastated, but being an adult means you have to live with things that aren't ideal and accept that you can't control everything. FWIW I think it's disgusting that he's told your DC's that he doesn't like the other adult in their household - how exactly is it in their interests to be privy to that information?

Hi there.
My ex is the same. We split up 3.5 years ago.
It was ok for him to start several relationships, one just a month after we split bringing her basically into my place on weekends he had with the children. That was painful and I'm certain he did it with hurting me at the forefront of his mind.
As soon as I met someone 2 years ago his whole attitude went insane.
I don't know what else to say. Except you're not alone, good luck.....