my sons family..... should I / shouldnt I ???

[happygolucky0]

Hi I am undecided what to do can you help???? .......Brief background I have a 13 year old son. After years of failing to arrive when arranged and more chances than I can count I have stopped my child's dad from seeing him.
The problem is I dont know what to do about his family. My son has not been close to his family but would see them with his Father. Would you still send Christmas card ect to them? I dont know if that is correct or what to do. I dont think they would bother if it doesnt come through his Dad.
Any answers would be a great help thanks.

What is your gut instinct? In my opinion, at 13 he is old enough to decide for himself. Presumably you have talked about the break from his Father so I would just say 'do you want to send a Christmas card to Granny?' (or whoever)

NO I havnt talked to him about the break. It is quite normal for his Dad to dissappear without reason for most of the year but shows up for only for Birthdays and Christmas, so he hasnt really noticed yet.
Your right that he is old enough to decide about sending a card for himself though. So i will ask him. thanks

My ds does send a card and home made gift to his paternal grandparents. I also insist he writes to say that you for any gifts they send and to email them every so often.
I also write to them sending updates and photos.
They live abroad and it's not their fault their son can't be bothered.

They do regularly send ds cards, letters and gifts etc though. Always have.

Ds is 11 and has to be actively encouraged to write. It doesn't have to be long, just a postcard or one side of notepaper.

So I would say yes send them a christmas card from your ds and see what response if any you get and take it from there.

agree. 13 is not an age where a child will proactively think about extended family that he doesnt see very often, so I do think you need to actively encourage it.
my DSS lives with us now and we encourage him to see his maternal grandparents and call them on a regular basis. He had little interaction with them previously because his mother had fallen out with her parents and stopped the children from seeing them. I cant tell you how pleased both sides are to have this renewed contact. They are still his family and he should know who they are for his later years. See what reaction you get. I think you know it is the right thing to do.

Yes, i think sending a card would be a good thing to do too, your XP may be a plonker,but his parents might be nice,and may appreciate it.If they don't,however,you'll know where your XP gets it from,and at least you tried!

You could say to your son that "we'll see what happens",just in case they don't reciprocate,to avoid disappointment.

aww thanks for all your replies. I sent a e mail to xp's Mum and partner yesterday explaining that her son wont be having contact any more and asked for her address so ds could send xmas card. Not a easy e mail to write but hey thanks for your encouragement. Will let you know if I get a reply.

Good on you! fingers crossed..

Yes,let us know what happens..and if they don't reply-It's their loss!

Just wanted to let you know that I received a reply from DS Granparents today ..... It was mostly good kind of went on abit but hey at least I got a reply which was more than I thought would happen!!! she gave her address and asked what he would like for Christmas.So good work all of you, thank you.

Excellent
Make sure he writes to say thank you for any gift they do send and then sends a postcard or whatnot every few weeks.
I tend to get a postcard when we go somewhere (like zoo or themepark) and get ds to scrawl a quick note on it so they feel like he's keeping in touch with it not being 'too much hassle' for him