husband leaving me. no clue about divorce, can anyone advise me?

[missytequila]

my husband told me he is leaving me and wants a divorce. i am not from the uk so I have no clue how it all works here.

is there a way to do it without a drawn out case? neither of us has any money or property and anything of value, so that part is easy, but we do have a 9 month old baby...

his grounds are simply that he doesnt love me and "i make him unhappy"... i have not 'done' anything...

what should i do as a first step. how do i avoid a messy court case?

If there are no assets, it might be pretty straight forward on the financial side.

WRT the baby, have you discussed what sort of contact agreement you both would prefer? are you staying in the UK?

If you look up solicitors in your area, they usually give one free half hour or hour consultation. They can advise you on how best to proceed.

If your husband is from the UK then you should contact the CSA so that he can provide for your child, also.

Good luck.

As a first step? Counseling to see if you can resolve things. Though for him to leave for those reasons sounds unlikely. IME men tend to leave when there's something better or an alternative to go too. Not saying that's the case here, just be cautious as to believing him at this stage though.

Don't worry about a divorce just yet. For now make sure you have a place to live, food and heating for you and your baby.

I assume you are renting somewhere if you have no property. Do you have enough to cover the rent? Is your husband going to pay it in the mean time if you can't?

Has he actually moved out? Are you working? If you are not working get on the phone to the benefit people and start the process of claiming income support, housing benefit, council tax benefit etc. If you are working get on the phone to the WTC people to let them know you are now seperated and need to amend your claim on that basis and also to reduce the council tax to one person and see if you qualify for a reduction.

Citizen's advice may be your best bet to help you work out what you need to do.

Stay strong for your baby's sake. It's never easy but you can always come here for advice and support.

I recommend the wikivorce website, everyone there has been through what you're going through now. I even met one of my best friends through the site!

Hope things work out for you.

I am on maternity leave and am currently abroad visiting family. He has told me its over and not to come back. Obviously I need to come back...

he works for himself and is currently making very little. as such we have moved into his family members house..

my maternity pay is ending this month...so I dont know what i will do.

A few questions:

First: How was the relationship before this? has this been a surprise or have the things been going down for a while? Is there any possibility he would want to try to save the relationship? looking at the facts with a cold head, is he a supportive partner / father? is it worth it to save the relationship? or does he gives you more problems than he resolves? Notice I am not asking you if you love him, but trying to help you see things from a practical point of view.

Second: Do you have a good network of support back in the UK?, do you have any family or good friends around that can help you to raise that child? It is very difficult to raise a child as a lone parent, but raising one as a lone parent WITHOUT support is, well, not for the faint hearted. Once that you have thought about that, ask yourself the same questions about the place where you are. He has asked you not to come back, if you are going to raise a child on your own... is it worth staying where you are? This may be an opportunity that might not repeat itself. I have been following closely a process where the mother is trying to go back home to have more support to raise her child, and even when the ex is a proper and utter nightmare, and abusive to both child and mother... she can only go home if she agrees to leave her child behind.

Third: If you decide to come back, you will need to rehouse yourself as I suspect you won't be likely to continue to live with his family. If this is the case, it would be worth checking what benefits/tax credits you will be entitled to as a lone parent. A good starting point is www.entitledto.gov.uk

Good luck!

chandra from her OP i would assume she is in the UK but isn't originally from the UK

On her second post she says she is currently abroad visiting family.

yes i am in the uk but not from the uk.

i have NO support, a few friends, but not ones that will help raise my baby...and no family

can the court make me stay in order for the baby to see her father? even though my life would be hell to be all alone..

where as with my parents abroad I have a large support network, and would have a much better quality of life

At some point my ex agreed for DS and I to stay abroad, but I thought that it was important for DS to be near to his father and came back and tried, yet another time, to say the marriage.

Well, it didn't work. So I ended up a lone parent without network or family around. I didn't cry because the marriage ended, I cried because I knew there was no going back home, but now 3 years down the line, this is home and I don't want to go anywhere. So things panned out quite well, I still have no family around but I have a very good network of support (mostly aquaintances that turned into wonderful friends when they realised what had happened).

Once there is a pattern of contact it is almost impossible to be allowed to move abroad. If he is not interested in having contact... well, someway he is giving you permission to decide, on your own, which place is better to raise your child.

There is a charity called reunite that can help you to move your child legally to your home country. If you just take a child without any paperwork you can be accused of a criminal act. They can be found on the internet and they have an advice line

I am in a similar situation but I am in Switzerland and trying to get back to the uk to be near family. Good luck I know what you are going through