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Met a Guy on POF............

14 replies

cahu · 10/11/2010 19:46

Firstly I apologise for sounding like a 15 year old .......

After a hellish divorce, then 2 years just stabilizing the kids, working etc I decided it was time to get back out there....

Met a guy on POF. We talked and texted for a few weeks until the Summer hols and my ex took dc away for a week.

We met in town on the Saturday night, I liked him immediately although he isnt a crowd pleaser and was a little abrasive at times, unusual on a first meeting?

We met at 5pm and I consequently had way too much too drink and he ended up coming home with me.... not the best move.

Anyway in a nutshell, we saw each other every day for the next week whilst the kids were away. Since then we have had various misunderstandings through text etc but he has always made contact again.

When there has been a period of a few weeks apart, he is always so pleased to see me, saying how he has missed me etc. He came off POF and came across as completely genuine. An old friend went to school with him and told me he had been a complete family man until the divorce. He has 2 grown up dc.

Things have been quite stable for the past 6 weeks. I invited him to my brother in laws birthday bash. I think as a bit of a test, thinking he would say no, but he said yes immediately. He met my dc( I know but I am new to this dating after divorce stuff).
Things were great after that but in the past couple of weeks I sensed him cooling off.

I didn't think he was the type of guy to agree to meet the dc if it was just a meaningless fling. I asked him in a text last night what his feelings were and he told me he doesn't see a long term future for us....... Was it just about sex... I am so confused as he seemed so into me and is not a fuck wit. Why keep making contact with me ...........

Sorry I know this is juvenile but I am so out of practice at this stuff.....

I

OP posts:
cahu · 10/11/2010 20:16

Shamelessly bumping my own message.....

OP posts:
Niceguy2 · 10/11/2010 20:21

Sounds to me like he's either just after some casual dating or something's happened in the past 2 weeks which has made him reconsider.

I guess it depends on what you want. If you want a bit of fun back in your life and happy while it lasts then great.

If you are only interested in relationships which lead somewhere then at least he's been honest now and you know what your next move has to be.

cahu · 10/11/2010 20:28

Yes thank you for your reply.... I do not think I can get emotionally involved with someone who doesnt see any future....

Just couldn't understand why he has made contact every time and been so full on....

OP posts:
lilac21 · 10/11/2010 20:39

Probably because he wasn't getting any anywhere else Hmm

I think there are plenty of guys on dating sites who don't want anything serious, especially the free ones.

cahu · 10/11/2010 20:41

Yeah, probably.......

OP posts:
kdk · 10/11/2010 20:43

Hate to suggest it, but could he possibly have met someone else?

cahu · 10/11/2010 20:51

I suppose he could have although all his 'dates' (about 6 in 2 years)since his divorce have been from POF. He was married for 20 years, never unfaithful and had a 6 month relationship last year with a woman who is now just a friend.

He works in a male dominated industry and has the same set of friends since he was a teenager...

He came off POF and I did check up on him on the site and he hadnt been on....

OP posts:
lilac21 · 10/11/2010 21:06

Yes, and I know I'm cynical, but just cos he's not on POF doesn't mean he's not anywhere else!

Draw a line under it and move on :)

cahu · 10/11/2010 21:08

I will, thanks for replying.

OP posts:
whyamibothering · 10/11/2010 22:55

Life sucks, doesn't it, when things like this happen and we hear things we don't want to or it's a total surprise.

I really wouldn't take it too personally, you know. I think he really liked you, but couldn't deal with it. Getting serious is a big step and he probably didn't have any intention of it with anyone.

Just think of it that your expectations differed. I've been there and been broken hearted over it. The pattern is the same. If I didn't know better I'd think it was same guy - it isn't a personal thing at all. Please dont take it to heart

cahu · 10/11/2010 23:05

whyamibothering - He was everything my ex wasnt and I was so sure he was no fuckwit, especially when he was keen to meet my family.........

Felt I had known him for years when I met
him....... but I think he may have kept contact going for sex, I really do.

OP posts:
whyamibothering · 10/11/2010 23:14

Yes, cahu, he thought enough of you to meet your family. Casual POF losers don't. He got frightened off by the strength of it, that's all. Had to distance himself and sacrified sex for that. Believe me, he was genuine.

cahu · 10/11/2010 23:38

Thank you, that makes me feel better even if its not true! Feel teary now...!

I really just cannot take any emotional crap at this stage of my life. A single life beckons.....

OP posts:
whyamibothering · 11/11/2010 05:53

A few months down the line and you will feel better and realise he wasn't quite what you seemed and wasn't right for you.

Why did his 6 month relationship with previous partner end? Possibly the same reason.

Take it easy, concentrate on you for a bit. In other words don't see any new male acquaintance as potential partners. You'll get there and when the time's right, Mr Perfect will swan into your life and you'll think to yourself, "My God, what on earth did I see in No 1 guy."

Take care.

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