I think its hit me....

[Boobalina]

I;ve just come home early from work as I've had bad IBS's type pains, cold and shivery etc so thought - if I feel like this, I'd rather feel like it at home... however, as soon as I got into my car to drive home, I just cant stop crying :(

My H and I seperated properly at the end of Sep - all reasonably amicable. We have to small kids unde the age of 6 and they in the main have been really good about it all as we have a good routine with shared parenting, making a concerted effort to be all friendly and helpful to eachother in front of kids etc.

Since we agreed to split, I've barely cried about it, and was largely relieved that I didnt have to prop up a miserable marriage anymore. Everyone has remarked how happier I seem and how well and positive I am about it all.

Today it seems, and out of my control, the veneer has cracked and I feel so sad and am doing that howling crying at home. The kids are at school and nursery, so just me...

Help :(

anyone?

I am so sorry Boobalina. Sometimes crying is necessary, but it hurts like hell.

You probably feel so alone, do you have family close by who could just comfort you for a bit?

Breakups are horrible, and hard. There are probably so many things on your mind, things that you really haven't had the emotional energy to process yet.

I am in your situation, and that is why I feel for you.

If there is no one around, come over to mine and I will make you a nice cup of tea, and lend a shoulder. xx

I found, teh best thing I could do when it hit like you describe, was just LET it hit, sob till you can't cry anymore...

Its normal, its natural - its not exactly helpful to read when your feeling it I know, but your grieving - and no matter how amicable a split is, no matter who's decision it ultimately was.. its still terribly terribly sad.

just be kind to yourself, and tell people you have a migraine, because your a bit stressed - that way teh school run and whatnot can be doen in darkglasses and peopel are usually nice enough to take you at your word..

you poor thing. I totally know how you feel and I think it's all part of the process of grieving. I separated with my XP in August and can honestly say that I do not miss him and am glad that I don't have to live in a constant state of anxiety, stress and crisis. I thought I had probably worked through the upset whilst I was in the relationship but this weekend I have just cried uncontrollably and have been struck by ' I can't believe this is the way that things have worked out'.

Even if you don't miss your H, you have had to change your life on a massive scale and make a big mental adjustment. All I can say I think it's better out than in! Have a cry and if you can call a good friend it always helps to know you can lean on someone.

The feeling may last for a few days even, but then it will be out of your system a little bit more. You are being amazingly strong and have already started an amicable co parenting routine which is a huge achievement.
I have decided to go and see a relate councillor to work through the splitting up process, my XP would never come but I am doing it for me, so I can move on as healthily as possible. Maybe you should look into something like that, just someone to talk to about it who is not biased.

Thank you both - thats so lovely,and has made me weep all over again.

I dont have family close by to help, so will plod along.

I do feel really sad it didnt work, and feel sad for the kids too - even though they are happy now with the set up and I ultimately dont want him back, ever.

I does feel just like grieving... :(

I thought I was doing so well as well!

Oh you are! its a massive decision you've made, a huge amount of change to get your head round... you'll have hit he ground running to make sure everything went as smoothly as possible.. an today, you stopped for breath...

Reality likes to jump out and bit yer bum from time to time... doesn't mean your failing, doesn't mean you aren't doing GREAT just means, your Human.

I'm 2 years down the road from where yu are now, and it does get easier, you still get the sadness from time to time, but its not so much for what you left behind, but what you know deep down you'd never have had...

Have a cuppa, watch some shite on the tv...clean the bath (I have no idea why, but its become a very good way of handling stress for me)but don't beat yourself up about it.

OOOh boobs.

It is sad its the end of something that brought you 2 fantastic kids.

You have to cry to mourn it -to get past it and move along.

Its just part of the process added to which its getting closer to Xmas,its cold and your not well.

You are doing so well of course you cant be emotionless and this will pass im sure.

I am still with my dh but having a very tough time lately I get sad seeing couples holding hands and all these riduculous loved up ads on tv......

It was exactly the same for me, felt fine for a couple of months, then felt shit (not constantly, but quite a lot, could cope with it, but wanted it to end) for about 6 weeks, then just starting to come out the other side now
You just have to accept that you are feeling sad, and cry when you feel like it, and spend some days lying down as much as possible, and talk in rl or on here when you want/need to, and keep the reasons why you split up in your mind, and grieve for what you've lost, but try and think of the future, while taking one day at a time!
I have found it hard, but it's getting easier, doesn't mean I won't feel terrible tomorrow though, I accept that, but I'm starting to see some light at last. You will too.

I've got bloody parents evening tonight which I've been really looking forward to as my DS has been doing so well, in fact since the split he is like a different little boy - calm, mature, helpful, fun - I am so fiercely proud of him as he's not quite 6 yet. I hope I dont cry all over the teacher - that would be terrible!
I then have to drop DS off at H's house (he;s picking up DD from nursery today) and I'm dreading it.

I find it really hard seeing him, I hid in the bath this morning when he came to take DD to nursery (he takes her each morning).

Since we split which happened in someways quickly ( but had been a long time coming if you know what I mean) - as a couple we just havent talked about the split - just got on with doing it and making it as positive and painless for the kids - one big advernture where there is no more arguing, no more crying mummy and cross daddy - just two houses, two bedrooms, two gardens and a much happier mummy and daddy. I just couldnt bear to rake over all the shit that lead us to split in the first place. I just couldnt see how it could help or resolve something I dont want a solution for - its over, I am pleased to not be taken for granted and unloved anymore. It feels like he is the wrong person to talk to about it? Does that make sense?

Its so not fair, I tried so hard to make it work and be good, but ultimately he didnt want me and for the last 5 years just hung on in there hoping I might magically turn into someone he could love :(

just wanted to send you my best wishes - i too have been here with this even when leaving a horrible marriage whn it hit me i was knocked flat - if you aren't feeling well that doesn't help and makes you realise you are alone.

The thing is, it does pass but it is normal for you to feel like crap. Have a bath, eat some choccy and have a weep. It all feels very odd (the two house thing) for a while and it takes time for everyone to adjust.

Just keep your chin up sweetheart, in a while you will be able to look back at this time and know in yourself you feel better but for now, give yourself a break and take heart in the fact that you are both behaving well for your children. You are doing them a huge favour by keeping it decent between you and the ex, not something my ex and i always did (to my great regret).

If it is any consolation, when i was where you are i never ever thought i would feel better again, I felt so sad, rejected and an absolute failure but that is very much in the past and I am really happy in all sorts of ways i never imagined.

Make sure you eat well and sleep as much as you can and be kind to yourself.

Boob thats cos your mr right is still out there ,sometimes when you least expect it he turns up!!.

You tried your best,its not a failiure on your part sometimes you just grow away from each other the best thing is that you are both dealing with it very amicably.

Oh Dracshick - the fact that Mr Right is still out there has really made me laugh and also be a ray of hope!

I couldnt face a relationship now, but it would be nice to be with someone who unconditionally loves me and puts me and the kids before themselves. is that possible?!

I've just watched 'The Trip' with Steven Coogan and Rob Brydon on iplayer - my god, its bloody funny. Has cheered me up enough to go and make a big bowl of cornflakes in a minute with LOADS of sugar on it and watch my snotty, teary face!

Wash my face even, why would I want to watch my crying face!

Today is a much better day, the sun is shining and I feel more with it and less unstable!

Saw H last night after parents Eve and he was such a nob, aggressive, unhelpful - it quelled ANY feelings of sadness about the relationship!