Newbie

[mookiemum]

Hi there. I'm a 37 year old mum of two. My 7 year relationship came to an end last Friday although had been dying for a long time before that. The plan we've tentatively come up with is to hold off telling the kids (3 and 5) until after Xmas (things are OK between us at the mo) and then continue to live in the same house for a year until our youngest goes to full time school. My ex works away during the week so it's only weekends which will be tricky for us. I'm hoping the lack of change of circumstances for the kids will help them although a friend has questioned whether it will be confusing to the kids to explain we've split but are still living together. The way I figure it is that it all sucks and it won't be nice for kids either way. This way though they get to stay in their home for at least another year, go to the same school and have pretty much the same arrangement they've had for the last couple of years - the main difference being that we won't do things as a family anymore. Does that sound reasonable? The alternative is to sell up now and the kids are I rent a small 2 bed in the area I live in. I think it best not to uproot them until we have to.

Overall I'm hoping that I can persuade ex to look at our house as an investment, pay 50% towards it each month with an agreement that we split the equity 50/50 at whatever time we sell (it would make it cheaper for me and he would effectively be saving into a pension). I'm currently studying to be a counsellor and I qualify in 2013. The best route for me and the kids would be to stay in the house until I qualify and can earn a decent salary. I should then be able to secure us a place of a similar standard to what we have now.

Has anyone been able to stay in the family home?

You should be able to stay in the house anyway; you have the children and it is in their best interests to stay in the family home. As far as I am aware your ex cannot force you to sell until you either remarry/co habit or the youngest child leaves full time education.
Someone will be along soo I'm sure who can tell you for sure.

Are you married?
Whose name is the house in?

We're not married but the house is mortgaged in both our names thankfully! Not sure where I stand on the not being married front though.

If your not married he's obliged to support your children but not you.

I'd get legal advice on this if I were you.

You might want to get him to invest and pay 50% of the housing costs, but if he is moving out, he will need to pay for his own home as well so he may not actually be able to afford both.

When I split up from the Ex, a good few years now, I moved out and rented a bed-sit but also paid the mortgage on the family home.

The mortgage was in my name and we were never married, however as we were a couple with children at the time of buying the house, legally it can be argued in court that we bought the house as partners. Therefore the house as an asset belongs to both even though my name is on the mortgage.

After a while (a few months) I bought the ExP's intrests in the house, and have lived in the family house since. The solicitors advice was make her a generous cash offer and appeal to her avarice. It worked she was able to move out and rent a new property and buy herself a car and I moved into the family home. Seemed to work out OK.

ChocHobNob - luckily he can afford both which is why I'm hoping to appeal to him on the investment front. - even if just for a couple years until I can get myself up and running properly.

whiteandnerdy - If I'm honest I would be gutted to see my children being raised in a tiny rented place whilst their father lived in the former family home - it just doesn't seem right and I think I'd feel as if I were being punished.

My main problem is that if I have to sell up I have zero chance of ever having a mortgage again. I'd never be able to buy on a single income and as I came into the relationship with my own home, I'd be gutted to leave it without one and two children.

you need to get that agreement in writing.

might seem fine now but who knows in 6 or 12 months?

sit with a mediator adn get it all written out and signed by both parties. as you amicable should only need one session...

as you not married TOLATA and childrens act apply -

see for example
www.edwardsduthie.com/case-plan-for-trust-of-land-act-(with-children).html

mookiemum, no worries, when I say family home, I'm talking 2 bedroom, 1 box room, ex council house (though it does have a garage!). For a time the ex rented a house 4 doors down, honestly our gardens backed onto each others (creeepy). So I'm not seeing a large disparity between where I live and the Ex lives.

However, as house prices go up the difference in terms of our relative overall wealth increases. And conversely as a home owner as house prices go down my relative weath decreases.

I don't perceive myself as forcing her to rent, maybe I have. But she now has a new husband I it's their choice to stay renting or become a home owner, there's pros and cons to each to be honest.

whiteandnerdy - yes, I see where you're coming from. From my perspective we're talking the difference between a three bed, three storey townhouse -v- a small 2 bed house. It isn't ostentatious but the disparity would be large, especially given he would be living on his own and I would have the two children.

I know I need to give a long hard look at why I'm so against selling up. Whether it's really due to the kids or whether it's my own desire not to lose the house I can't really answer yet but I just don't feel I should come out of this relationship on a far worse footing then I entered, especially as the kids will be living with me bar alternative weekend visits. I suspect my fear is of never being able to get back on the property ladder again.

cestlavielife - thanks for the advice and for the example. I'll have a good look into those.