How do you deal with the loneliness of being a lone parent

[desiretochange]

I am a lone parent and have been for almost 13 years, I found it easier when children were younger as you were always kept busy, but now that they are all grown and two living away from home the loneliness has suddenly grown.

join a book club / evening class / dating club / volunteering/ gym / cycling or walking club etcetc. if theyleft home and you not tied to the house then the world is your oyster?

Have you checked out the notice boards at your local community centre or church hall?
I saw a sign at a near by village for over 50's who may be lonely or want some company. So only another 10 years and I can join that!

Can you afford the membership fo spice? I'd love to join that but lack of babysitter and no money for fees or the activities they offer mean that's not an option either for me, but you may be able to... I've bookmarked it for if when my financial circumstances allow it.

But basically I deal with it one day at a time :(

I'd say it's a transition phase that is difficult for married women too. At the moment I think about all the things I will do when the children can be left on their own/go out without me!

I'm still on the small children under ten chapter and I guess you're right, it will be a whole different kettle of fish when they're older. But finally it will be easier to start to build a social life that revolves more around YOU than them.

Agree with cestlavielife - what do you like doing? Book club, gym, leisure centre, volunteering, Church, WI (don't knock it until you've tried it) - there are LOADS of different activities that you can get involved in. If you enjoyed being with your own kids what about helping others by becoming a Brownie or Cub Leader - those sort of organisations are desperate for new leaders and you will meet lots of other adults as well.

hi desire

i'm also a long term lone parent - about 15 years - and my eldest two now live away or at uni. just leaves me and ds. agree that when they were younger life was so hectic there was hardly time to feel lonely. and as theyve grown ive just become used to it. have had a couple of decent gfs but no one live in so still been on my own much of the time - so much so its just a way of life. ive also always worked on my own since becoming a lp so dont crave company as such.

and now more than ever i too desire to change tho have no idea how to. i work full time, have more after work interests than ive time for, am constantly tired and see life flying by at an alarming rate. i dont feel old as such - not really that much different to when i was 19, but have realised of late that i am still single and really should get of my backside and do something about it.

so anyway - any suggestions would be welcome:o

Hi desire

I'm in the same situation, have been a lp for 15 years now. Things were easier and I felt less lonely when dd was younger, I went out more with friends but dont see them anymore. I have recently returned to work so at least I get out during the day and its a nice feeling to be able to treat my dd or myself once in a while but its hard now dd is a teenager. She spends more time with her friends or in her room which I know is typical of any teenager but it has made me realise that I too, need to get off my backside and get out there but I dont have a clue where to start.

do-it.org.uk is an excellent website for volunteering. Just a browswe through may give you some inspiration.

I'm starting to see that soon I will have a life again, but still tied to home as mine are still young teenagers.

I work, but I'm really aware of having no life compared to other people. Most of the time I work alone anyway.

Oooh you are so lucky! You have the freedom to do ANYTHING! You can go cycling, shopping, horseriding, to the gym/yoga, dancing, swimming, whatever takes your fancy!!!
And its a great way to meet new people, having all these hobbies, and a reason to get up in the mornings.

Desireto, I hope you are OK. It's easy to see these suggestions, but putting them into practice is very different. Easier said then done?

What do you think of these suggestions?

hey desire and miley - you got off your backsides and took up horseriding/cycling yet:o? got to admit i havent, just work and the usual dull stuff....except i'm rebuilding a car in my spare time :o you could always try that! hours of fun and got to be better than shopping

I go to an evening class plus I go to Buddhist meetings. These are both low in cost and where needed I use my cheap childminder contact if it doesn't coincide with an access weekend.

In addition I chant so i don't feel so bad (Buddhist).

I also seek the support of my fellow single parent female friends which also helps a treat.

I have learnt not to expect an ounce of understanding from non single parents in this sphere of our life so i don't go out socialising with those expectations or I would be setting myself up to fail.

I also manifest and chant for a permanent partner to settle down with to put this sorry phase of my life to a complete end. I go out with my single parent female companions too e.g. cheap lunches out, cafe chats etc. It brightens up the day.

I hope this helps people, good luck to us all!