primary carer / child benefits and a money dilemma

[PintandChips]

Hello, i need some help here...

split with ex P 2 years ago, we agreed i'd be primary carer, and he would contribute to nursery fees and pay minimal maintenance (£40/month) and we would split the childcare each week 4 nights me / 3 nights him. It has worked out that i have him about 6 nights/month more than him.

for 6 months he has been out of work and not making any financial contribution. i have been fine with that as i owe him a sum of money from when we were together and we had agreed that his contributions would come what he is not paying would come off the balance of the money owed.

Ex is now demanding a return of the sum of money (5k) because he is skint. i don't have it to give him.

He hasn't said so, but i am pretty sure his next move is to claim that he is the primary carer in order to claim the child benefit. Because i work on the 3 week days DS is in my care and he doesn't work on the 2 days he has care, he says his responsibility is greater. I pay for nursery while i am at work, and have a huge travel bill for work also.

i am less worried about losing the £80 a month, although it wouldn't be ideal, than i am about losing the position of 'primary carer' which would be a huge blow to me psychologically.

Of course there's a lot of messy background as always related to who has paid for what and sacrificed more etc. on which we cannot agree.

The upshot is: How is it decided who the primary carer will be?

i am also in the midst of moving house, which is a financial commitment that i can't really afford, but it fel like the right thing to do to get DS into good local school. The pressure's all feeling a bit too much.

chock full of typos, sorry.

I think you need legal advice here. Try CAB. I would have thought that the primary carer is literally the one who has dc the most of the time. The time at nursery can't logically count against you or else the nursery would have a stake in claiming to be primary carer!

From the way you've written it, it seems that your ex is after money and is not bothered about where he gets it from. Smacks of dishonesty and desperation. Unless he wants the money to help feed/clothe dc - but then you are doing that aren't you, especially if he's out of work and not contributing.

If I were you i'd kick his butt.

the fact that he paid maintenance until he stopped paying will point towards you being the primary carer. If you get the child benefit and pay the nursery bills, you will also be considered to be the primary carer.

get all your nursery receipts together.

It basically comes down to overnights. How many overnights do you have each week and how many does he have?

Hours at nursery are irelevant. That's like saying if dc are at school you are not responsible for them. It's overnights that matter

I think OP said she has has dc 4 nights a week, and ex 3 nights a week. Has that arrangement stayed in place OP?

Also you should be very worried about losing the £80 and with it the primary carer label that goes with it. If you give that up you also give up your claim to CTC, childcare help and possibly WTC unless you are on a very low income. You'd still have to pay the childcare costs etc on 'your' days too. And you'd have a huge fight on your hands to get it back.

thanks everyone for this help. I feel a bit better about it. There is no question that i have more overnights than him, and i buy all the clothes, shoes, etc.
I can't see how he could do this. But i am going to see a solicitor this week and will take advice on my position.