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Advice Needed Please

5 replies

SaggyHairyArse · 25/10/2010 12:41

I have recently separated from my H. He moved out at the beginning of September. He was abusive to me in an emotional/financial/psychological sense such as contributing nothing to family life but constantly critising me, making financial decisions without discussing it or informing me (and getting us into debt), telling me I had let myself go and really aged etc etc.

As he had no relationship in real terms with our children and is now having access to the children twice a week, he is now treating the children in a similar was. i.e. DC3 is late to potty train he tells him how disgusting he/it is and puts the nappies right in his face, really shouting at DC1 because he cannot tie his shoe laces (first pair of lace up shoes and had them for a week). The DC are 9, 6 and 3 and whilst he will reheat a dinner I have prepared he will not prepare any food for them himself so they are raiding the cupboards for stuff they can feed themselves but not eating proper meals otherwise under his care. He has also left them for 10 mins whilst he went to get a takeaway on one occasion that I know of.

I have addressed the issue each time but after 8 weeks of bringing up things after every visit he has done wrong in my opinion, I am now of the opinion that he cannot actually look after them. He is simply incapable of being an unsupervised caregiver.

WTF do I do? I have booked to see a solicitor a week on Wednesday to start divorce proceedings. I suggested to him that he read up about parenting and what constitutes abuse in the meantime. Lead balloon springs to mind....

OP posts:
gillybean2 · 25/10/2010 12:47

If you don't think your children are safe there and he isn't providing for their basic needs then you shouldn't let them go.

Perhaps you need to look at supervised contact at a contact centre and he should attend a parenting course.

If he's serious about seeing his children he will agree to it.

SaggyHairyArse · 25/10/2010 12:50

I will look into the supervised contact, I have no experience of this so know nothing about it.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 25/10/2010 13:55

does he push for the contact? maybe switch it to daytime,no overnights?

cestlavielife · 25/10/2010 14:57

who is telling you this? the children?
what does the nine year old say?

where are they seeing him? how far away does he live? what time of day are they seeing him?

if he cant manage it then he can only se ethem for three hours on a saturday afternoon between lunch and dinner. takes out teh food from teh picture

does he feed himself?
then he can feed his children - he doesnt want to...

not eating proper meals is maybe a life style choice not neglect... you cant control what he does with them and it may be hard to push a case for supervised contact...

SaggyHairyArse · 25/10/2010 19:51

Yes, the children are telling me this, all the stories are the same and when I ask H about it he confirms it and agrees that certain things are not on (a common theme of accepting things are wrong when pointed out but unwilling to actually do anything about it in real terms).

They are seeing him at my house, he has a very small flat so more practical and to date I have been going out (not like going out clubbing, might walk the dog, do a food shop, that kind of thing). He has been coming one evening after work and on either a Saturday or Sunday (his choice which) at about 9.30 until about 2pm.

He doesn't feed himself at my house (not sure why as is welcome to help himself to anything).

I think you are right that he is essentially lazy and selfish and doesn't want to...

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