staying together when it aint perfect

[mopsera]

....where do you decide to get off the couple train and go it alone? its bloody hard as i asked my partner to move out as we just cant share ( he big slightly sexist bloke who thinks he needs to be the man by controlling ! noisy kinda chaotic and inflexible!me; need calm, and order, uptight new mum=night )

The moment will come by itself - you will just know. There is no need to rush towards it or second-guess it, Just to recognize it when it does arrive and act on it. Good luck.

How new a mother are you (congrats, btw)? And how much sleep are you getting?

I ask because sleep deprivation is not a good place from which to make a life-changing decision (unless your reference to his "controlling" is a euphemism for abuse, in which case it's a different issue all together).

YES WELL thats another issue im trying to sort but we both recog living tog dont work
i am a new mum yes

Whatever you decide, make sure you really think things through before pulling the plug.

As a new mum, your emotions will be all over the place. The responsibility overwhelming. That combined with a lack of sleep and a screaming child must make you question your own sanity.

However, the grass is not always greener. Think about how much harder it will be without a partner to share the childcare with or pay the bills. If you say he's controlling now, wait til he's out of your life. Well actually he won't be. He'll always be there in some way because you have a child together.

My point is that often people think finishing a relationship is the answer to their problems. What happens very often is that a whole load of problems replace the previous ones then some new ones are added since you now have the complexities of juggling contact, maintenance & new BF/GF's

Hi, me and my partner decided we couldn't live together anymore, when he left it was horrendously painful for both of us, but we're starting to get along better now and we are still a couple.
Living together is not all its cracked up to be imo.

Try this book, 'Imperfect harmony, How to stay married for the sake of the children and still be happy' by Joshua Coleman.

It's a bit American in style but very useful.

great thanks and funny all this has happened as you say above; yes we have decided to live sep and it was horribly painful as i had to take a week out before we met up ( on his turf)and slowly we seem to be reconnecting but in a different way...better and freer and also want to keep together as a couple for as long as it works. it was as you say replacing one set of prob's for another and a real steep learning curve! i felt vulnerable, desperate and manic..awful. and yes i need to sort my sleep