So the CSA have calculated £100 less a month than I was getting through a private arrangement..

[Saffyronron]

and it's so worth every penny for peice of mind and removing the control it gives exP. I'm definitely going to struggle, especially since I've just signed DS up for private tuition to improve his literacy and maths (he's really struggling) and improve his self esteem and confidence and just found him another guitar tutor because again, it's something I hope will improve his self-esteem I'm blown away that this man appears to be earning around £5-10k less than he was 7 years ago and can't believe his excuse (to the CSA) for decreasing my maintenance recently was that 'he might be getting made redundant' of course his reason to me was that I 'despite numerous requests I wouldn't give him a breakdown of what I was spending his money on'. And how is this all about supporting his child? Of course it's not - it's about punishing me. Here's hoping for peace soon.

Well done Saffyronron - you can't put a price on your sanity!

(When my ex asks what I spend the money on I tell him it's crack cocaine and Terry's chocolate oranges)

Well done saffy [hgrin]

Ooh can we make a list of things to spend it on? Obviously in your ex's head it'll be true!

I vote for shoes and botox.

Brazilian blow drys
Gigolos
Pole dancing lessons

Thanks guys, that's really cheered me up even though God knows I could use the botox..... Why don't these damn men just get on with their lives and leave us alone - how can the man still have it in for me after 7 years and he's got a new fiance..... I don't suppose you know any rich, eligible men????? That was a joke - clearly!!!

Does anyone know where I can get a gigolo? It's been years since I had sex and had completely forgotten all about it until I realised I was a wealthy woman!

I think you should spend it all on exotic cheeses and never eat them.

Or hire a string quartet to play a burst of music every time you enter a room.

Find a nice man and have sex with him. That's my advice! You're clearly fantabulous since you can still have such an effect on your ex all this time later!

My god you're right, I am fantabulous! AND, I love a quartet when I enter a room. Bravo YHNBAH - I'm a better woman for your support.

Nah, you're just realising how good you already were.

Someone who realises the value of sanity has value :o

Just wondering if there is a different approach to this.
I have a reasonable relationship with my ex (wasn't always like that however) but when we discuss DD I've always shared the details of how much DD activities cost so we both know where the money is going to. It's just a sharing that I think you would naturally do with the other parent - i.e I've managed to get DD a great local piano teacher who's charging £30 per lesson and DD loves her.
If I was handing over child maintenance I think I'd like to know broadly how it was being spent, rather than having no dialogue about it and maybe it would help me to stay connected to the child and their activities.
Got to say DD is nearly grown and it has seemed to work, being open (I have nothing to hide, ok except the pole dancing lessons! )

houseproject, with respect, I don't need to to give my exP any information at all about what I spend the money he gives me for his son on. I dedicate my life to my DS and spend every spare penny I have on him. I do next to nothing for myself, I rarely go out, I don't resent it at all, just trying to give you some context. Maintenance is a contribution towards the cost of living. I pay a small fortune for my little flat, in a half decent area so that my son can get into a half decent school and eventually it will be part of my DS inheritance. I also pay towards a healthy pension and insurance to ensure if anything happens to me my DS is provided for. I can tell you my exP doesn't think twice about his DS future. He pays maintenance at the bare minimum - it doesn't even cover his out of school activities never mind make a dent in cost of living. You sound like a reasonable person, I'm afraid not everyone's as reasonable as you.

Oh and my exP, would never pay for anything that cost £30 a time!

and mine pays nothing at all but no I agree - £100 less a month is a small price to pay for sanity! My ex resents every penny he had to pay me and wrote to the court every time I bought something - including teh new boiler I got free through Warmfront!! Obviously i spent all his money on that major indulgence - twat! His new name of maximus pratimus suits him well

You enjoy indulging yourself with pole dancing lessons and heaven forbid, warm water and heating for you and your ds!!! actually go and get some wine - on him!!!