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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Opinions please about dividing up tax credits , benefit etc

17 replies

CostanzaBonanza · 19/10/2010 18:53

Hello all, just wondered how you would all deal with this situation really.
I left ex P early this year. I moved out and rent a place with the 2 children. He has them over for 2 nights a week every 2 out of 3 weeks. I have them the rest of the time. I receive working and child TCs and child benefit.
He pays me nothing towards their care and believes I should give him money for the time that he looks after them,. his 'share' of the TCs and benefit.
My rent is much higher than the mortgage he has on the home we used to share (I am still named on the mortgage).
I have given him money in the past but now I am struggling and can't spare any so haven't paid him for a while. He is asking for money for the past couple of months. Saying the money I recieve isn't mine as such but for the children therefore he is entitled to a share of it.
He works full time but says he is on the verge of going bankrupt so needs money from me. I just don't get it, how can he not mae ends meet when I am supposed to on the same amount of money amnd a higher rent?
Sorry for rambling on, would you continue to give him money where possible?I really resent it

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gillybean2 · 19/10/2010 19:10

The WTC & CTC is paid to you as the resident parent. It is calculated based on YOUR income and is designed to ensure your children are provided for in your given circumstances. Not his, just yours.
He is not entitled to any of it and can apply for WTC of his own if his income is so low.

The child support he is meant to pay you is reduced for the overnights he has them.

Stop paying him and start asking for the child support he should be paying. EVen if you are JSA you have to pay child maintenace to teh resident parent FGS!

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ohsleepyone · 19/10/2010 19:35

totally agree with gillybean!

The money you get is for you and the children, not to pay out to your ex p, you seem like your trying to keep things amicable which is very good of you but you def need to put your foot down its outrageous that he should think he is intitled to your money!!!

dont feel bad my lovely its perfectly within your rights so say no. xxx

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CostanzaBonanza · 19/10/2010 19:40

Thanks gillybean, i have been mulling it over since posting. I just can't believe the way his mind works.
I have been feeling sorry for him and guilty that he is struggling and when money wasn't so tight then I would give him some.
I just wondered if was beong heartless at not wanting to help him out anymore.

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CostanzaBonanza · 19/10/2010 19:41

sorry that took me ages to type, kept being distracted with his ranty text messages!
Thanks ohsleepyone!

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colditz · 19/10/2010 19:43

er no. You should not be giving him any money at all. He should be giving you maintenance. Pursue him through the CSA. He is taking the piss out of you and I'm gobsmacked that you cannot see it.

Also, unless the house you are actaully on the mortgage for is in negative equity, you need to force sale. You will then get a lump sum, as will he. He can rent - you already have to.

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CostanzaBonanza · 19/10/2010 19:52

yes I do feel like a tit.
I have been too soft, which is why I haven't forced a sale. It was his house years before i moved in, I have only been on the mortgage for a short amount of time.
I left him, he was very upset and I didn't want to make things worse for him than I already had, I didn't want to leave him worse off than before i met him.

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PinkIceQueen · 19/10/2010 20:29

CB you haven't said if you work? Does he work? He could afford to pay his way before he met you, why can't he now? He's taking the p, you need to get some sort of maintenance agreement sorted out. Say NO to giving him anymore money.

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pithyslicker · 19/10/2010 20:32

If you're not married I don't think it's quite as straight forward as selling the house and splitting the money. If it's his house it's his house.

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CostanzaBonanza · 19/10/2010 20:33

hi, yeah i work part time, he works full time.
I have said many times that I don't understand how he can't manage on his wages. He just starts ranting about all the 'free money' I get

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CostanzaBonanza · 19/10/2010 20:36

My solicitor said that although we are both on the mortgage he may well have more claim to the house than i do iyswim,. That's fine, I understand that, just can't understand how he needs me to give him money so badly when his mrtgage is about 200 quid less than my rent

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ohsleepyone · 19/10/2010 20:46

seriously, tell him to do one!!!!

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PinkIceQueen · 19/10/2010 21:02

Agree re the house being complicated and know how you feel as it was his before he met you, so you may feel you have to accept not having a share in it. However, you need the money, it's worked out on what you need. Stick to your guns. Also, you could have a fixed fee interview with a solicitor, write all of your questions down before you go, would make things much clearer in your head about house/money and give you the confidence to stand up to him with facts to back you up.

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colditz · 20/10/2010 00:21

he sounds like a complete shit.

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SpottyMuldoon · 20/10/2010 00:31

So out of 21 nights he has them for 4 nights and he's working full time and his mortgage is less than your rent and you're giving him money?

You get Child Benefit because you're the resident parent, you get Working Tax Credit because you work and you get Children's Tax Credit because you're the resident parent. It sounds like he's very good at manipulating the facts to make it sound like his demands are reasonable. They are not. Tell him to take it up with HMRC if he thinks he should be entitled to a 'share'. Tell him to seek legal advice as to whether he's entitled to maintenance from you.

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cestlavielife · 20/10/2010 10:07

he isnt entitled to maintenance from you for him.

as was said, any entitlement to CTC or child benefit - he needs to ring child benefit etc.

his maintenance for children is reduced by nights they spend with him.

how long were you on mortgge for?
sale would be under TOLATA

plus you can amke an applciaiton under childrens act for a share fo proceeds in trust for children to help you house the children.
some info here
www.edwardsduthie.com/case-plan-for-trust-of-land-act-(with-children).html
am going thru this now.

(exP refused to attend last hearing and is now under penal; notice to attend next one!)

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CostanzaBonanza · 21/10/2010 15:51

hi,thanks for the replies and thanks for the info about the trust of land act cestlavie.
I have been on the mortgage for about 2 and a half years.
I will tell him to do one next time he's after money from me, I just felt bad that he was struggling but after giving it some thought I realised I'm a bit of a mug.
Just been feeling guilty about the whole situation in general

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bubblebabeuk · 23/10/2010 13:02

don't let him make you feel guilty and please contact the csa, he sounds like a twat

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