Are they going to get together or what?

[onlyone]

Some of you will know a bit of my story.

found out ex was having an affair with very good family friend about 7 months ago. She and ex were all on for moving out and getting it together with her 2 kids and our 2 kids!

Numerous things have happened but basically, we are 7 months down the line from me finding our. Her other half still does not know, she is living at home with him and their 2 kids and still seeing ex as and when.

On my side, ex went and found a flat but never moved in. He sleeps in the loft at our house. I had back surgery and needed someone to help move elder DC who is disabled around but have been fit for sometime now.

so here we are 7 months since I found out, ex still in the house, neither have made a move to move in together. I have asked him to leave on numerous occasions and he just returns everyday.

She is ranting at him about me not moving out and leaving him, I get blamed for everything but can honestly say that I just go to work, keep earning the money to keep us going, saving as much as possible and wondering what the hell is going on.

TO say the whole situation is surreal is an understatement and now I am fit and not recovering from surgery need to make some major changes but are these two for real or are they just having fun.

At the end of the day I want my DCs to be safe and secure knowing that Mum and Dad love them even if they are not together.

Sorry if it sounds confused - I am aswell.

What do you want to happen?
If you want him out of the house then you need to go see a solicitor and start divorce proceedings.

So the OW has an affair with your DH then expects you to move out, presumably so she can move in and wants to take over your DC's ? the mind boggles.

This isnt now about what she or he wants but what you want. Give him a date by which you want him to move out and if he wont seek legal advice, well I think you should seek advice anyhow

Tell him to move out and tell her partner? I would be gutted if I was him, carrying on as normal whilst this was going on. You owe your expartner and his bit nothing, got tough on them. I understand that you needed your partner whilst you were incapacitated, but have no idea how you could live with him.

Do you support him financially? Please stop, you can claim benefits/tax credits etc seperatley even whilst still living together if you have split. You really need to get tough, obviously it depends if your house is bought or rented, if rented tbh I would honestly move myself(plus kids) out.

Stop doing anything for him, ring tax credits to let them know you have become a single parent, if you were married make an appointment with a solicitor to find out your position. And let her husband know.

Sounds as though he is eating his cake and having it!

If you are not happy then your dc won't be and this will affect them.

Take control, decide what is best for you (and by default your children). Once you've made decisions, you are in control and it subsequent action will take place on your terms.

Stick to your decision - it can be changed if necessary, but frequently changing decisions leads to chaos. As others have said, seek advice anyway.

Have takben legal advice and as the higher earner, i am in the unenviable position of probably having to give him money every month - how the world turns.

so I will go out and work to keep DCs and myself and give him money to help keep her and her two dcs - how does that seem fair!!!

I want him out, I need space and time to move on but not sure how many times you can pack someones clothes and ask him to move out. He says can not afford anywhere else which I know is crap.

I know changing the locks is the next step but previously could not as I needed him around. He says I am being ungrateful as he helped me out and he needs time to sort himself out, so give him some time. Just not sure how long is reasonable.

Why do you have to give him money ? I thought these days personal maintenence was no longer paid, surely you would only need to 'pay' him if he had residence of the children ?

"Do you support him financially? Please stop, you can claim benefits/tax credits etc seperatley even whilst still living together if you have split."

Is true for housing benefit as well?

I'm surprised you'd need to support him - does he earn?

Agree with nappyaddict and coinoperatedgirl.

Try not to take on board the emotional blackmail/manipulation "being ungrateful.. needs time.." - rubbish