Please..................... I'm losing the will to carry on........................................

[loulounz]

I can't take much more. I'm so stressed with the whole divorce situation. Things are just going from bad to worse and I can't find a way out! Keep thinking about a mother that jumped in front of high speed train with her kids!

Just found out I'm not entitled to help with my Solicitors costs - so where am I going to find money to pay them? Phoned dh and told him I may have to stop divorce etc. Obviously he doesnt want this so has offered to pay the costs for me but will take it out of my share! Proceeded to have arguments over what HE needs from the split etc. and just wound me up even more. What he promises me and what comes through in the Sols letters are two different things - but that's okay cos he assures me he will sort me out afterwards! Do I look that stupid?! Ended up putting phone down on him.

He then sends me a nasty text telling me what I'm NOT getting and that he's going to apply for more access to the children! W@nker! The one thing he knows he can really hurt me with!

I really can't take much more of this! I'm nearly a year down the line and no further forward, no happier, no more settled, no light at the end of the tunnel, so where do I go from here???????????

i really dont know what to say apart from don't let him ruin your life, think about your kids.
Please don't consider hurting yourself, there is other options available which i know might sound far fetched at the mo, but keep persisting.
Go to your local CAB they are really great and supportive with situations like this.
If you need to talk CAT me, although the people on here are good for moral and support.
DON@T GIVE UP THE FIGHT.
Butty.xx

Go to the CAB. There will be people who can help you.

Also get intouch with Gingerbread and join a local group.

Join OneParentFamilies (it's free) you can then also use the advice line etc

I would tell him to get his solicitor to write down exactly what he wants, tell him you will review it once it's received and decide what you think he can and can't have from the list.

Also tell him (in passing) how much better you feel without him, how your life is going from strength to strength. Lie if you have to! don't lay it on to thick, just a gentle nudge to make him think you're gtting on with life - men hate that!

I'm sorry that things are so bad for you. There is nothing that I can say, but this post will bump your thread up a bit so that hopefully other MNetters who've been there can help.

btw, how long have you been split?

Thanks for all your comments.

Tried CAB - they were no help!

Been split 10 months now - had hoped to have moved on to get family support and got away from him but things are just not working out for me at the minute - he's being so nasty at times - calls me a liar about wanting to move away - he thinks I want to stay in "our" house just to 'p' him off!That couldn't be further from the truth! I am just not having any luck finding accommodation where I want to be.

I'm totally dependant on him financially until the settlement happens and he knows it! Loves to play with my mind and it works 90% of the time! 10% I am strong and stand up for myself but he just gets nasty when things don't go his way! I know my strength will grow when I get out of this house and out of the marriage as the only control he has over me then is the maintenance!

I suppose I'm just having another down moment?!

How old are your children? do they understand what is happening?

Thankfully dd's are too young to understand - they are 3 and 1 - but it does affect eldest dd when she sees me upset a lot! Try to keep it together for her sake but am finding it really difficult.

She was affected badly when he left but I'm just managing to get some sort of normality and routine back into her life by restricting his access to once every two weeks, but now he wants to upset the apple cart and apply for more access again - just to spite me and for his own selfish needs - I will fight to the death to keep this routine though for her sake. Just hope the courts keep it as is "in the best interests of the children!" and not change it because they feel he's hard done by!

Does he have them overnight once a fortnight? or just for a few hours?

He did have access as and when he pleased and only manages to stay max of hour at a time! As there was no routine it was badly affecting eldest dd so I have put my foot down and reduced it to once every two weeks (he wanted every other weekend - as I am hoping to move back to family who live 5 hours away!)

At the minute I only allow him half day for various reasons but he wants them overnight - meaning him driving 8-10 hours in 24 to pick them up and take them back to his parents (where he is staying) and bring them back the next day - another 8-10 hours drive for him and long times spent in car for them. I don't want this to happen - I think they are too young. The drive is not a good one and more often than not there are traffic jams etc enroute, which would mean even longer spent in car and not quality time spent together playing etc. Don't know if a court would rule against me though - do I have a good enough argument about long journey and too young?

Sorry to hear things are so bad for you at the moment. Remember that the priority of any court is accommodation for the children in any divorce case. Your H can shout whatever odds he likes about what he "wants" but if you are going to be the primary carer, then the court will be looking to make sure that you and the children are adequately housed.
Having been through all of this very recently, I know how stressful it is, particularly when your ex is a bully.
In the end, I went for an FDR (financial dispute resolution), which is quite a cost effective way of getting a financial solution.
If he has offered to pay your costs, get that in writing and accept it. Yes, it will be taken out of the settlement but you need good legal advice.
Huge hugs to you, it will be resolved and things will get better. Hard to see now, I know but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks Bugsy2.

See my sol tomorrow again but still undecided as to whether to just ask for all house equity and tell him to shove his (good) pension and extra monies he has, that i'd be entitled to? Just want to end this as soon as possible - do I be selfish just to get it over and done with or should I be thinking longer term and take everything I'm entitled to to give the dd's more security? Just can't decide - any advice anyone?