It's like having a 4th child with exH - only worse........

[MaMoTTaT]

I generally try and avoid asking him to "babysit" (his term) for me when I'm doing church stuff/going out.

But for church this evening I was a bit desparate - so, as he's pulled his socks up recently and has been having them every Saturday and Sunday (and recently started overnights again too) I decided to ask him.

Phoned him Thursday night

"yes I think that will be ok, can you text me on Saturday to double check"

So - I texted him yesterday

he replied

"yes that's fine,can you ring me 1/2hr before you need me to remind me"

WTF!!! He has a fancy modern phone which he puts reminders on - why on earth couldn't he manage to put a reminder on that if he really could't remember between Thursday pm and Sunday pm that he was looking after his own children for a short while this evening!!!

my exH is exactly the same- i went out last night for the first time in 11 months and asked him (on monday) if he would watch ds he said ''yes but could i please text him saturday morning to remind him and make sure he still free'' and even then he was nearly an hour late showing up AND i had to cook his dinner before i went out as ''he didnt have time'' and was hungry. apparently two hours isnt enough time for him to have tea and drive the 3 miles to my place!! lets hope he actually shows up tomorrow!

if you need to go out then dont rely on your ex. only way.

udderly i fail to understand why you "had to cook his dinner" - he is not a child, if he doesnt eat, his choice. and if he was at your place surely he knows where fridge/cooker is?

cestllavie - due to his absolutely dire financial circumstances it was agreed that he would help out with occasional childcare (on top of his regular seeing the DS's) in lieu of ££. (we have just - last night actually - agreed a small ££ contribution in additional the occasional extra childcare help)) - and it's actually in the divorce petition under child arrangements that he'll be doing it.

I've only used him twice in 6 months - I generally ask one of my other baby sitters - but all were busy last night.

Thankfully DS3 will soon be old enough to sit quietly through an evening service so I won't need to worry about evening serivces at all - and actually this month is a 5 Sunday month which means that exH will have them on the Weekends next month where this is an evening service, so I'll just get him to keep them an hour longer.

Udderly - I seriously don't get why you had to feed him!!! I did offer exH some food last night, I'd served dinner up and ther was some left over - told him he could help himself it he wanted some. But I woud never cook for him

he cant cook anything that isnt microwavable (i dont have one) and said he would be even later if he had to go and buy food and he was 'doing me a favour' by watching his own child for 3 hours.so i gave in as was already cutting it fine. i really need to grow a backbone i know, i just find it really hard saying no to him

Erm UdderlyExhausted, erm he is doing you a favour. Clearly not very well and making enough fuss that I'm sure your thinking is it really worth it but he's basically saving you getting a babysitter.

Meeh, about 2 years ago now, my ExP asked me to have the DC on something like Wednesday, Thursday, and I have them every weekend anyways. Anyway picked them up on Friday (last day of term) ... ah the Ex hasn't paid the after school fees for that week, or the previous week, and so had to pay for the child care on top !!! Clearly I should be indebted to her for allowing me those extra days with the kids, while she toils with a holiday in Moscow. And I should have known better to bring up the issue of paying the child care costs for those two weeks after all they are my children and I don't pay the child care for any of the other weeks.

Sorry I have issues

Umm, why is UE's ex doing her a favour? DS is his child too, surely he should want to spend extra time with his son

god I hate this "doing you a favour" clap trap - it's what my exH thinks he's doing by looking after HIS children.

It's called being responsible for where you stuck your dick.

Mind it still brings a to my face as exH told a room full of SW's, 2 teachers (one a head), and other professional related to our children that when I moved out he would be "babysitting" for me while I was playing at church........

I rolled my eyes, there were several deep breaths taken around the table, and the SW in charge of the meeting pointed out that he would be looking after he children, or helping out with childcare....not "babysitting"........

And he went on to use the term again straight after