Recently left dp, how to make things easier for 3year old who does not want to see daddy.

[happenedagain]

My dd does not want to see daddy, and says she does not want me to leave her. She seems to think i will not return.

I have tried to explain that daddy loves her alot and misses her and wants to spend time with her. But when i took her to see him the other day she didnt want to go, then i asked her to keep something safe for me till later (a bracelet) and that stopped her crying.

I really want to make this as easy as possible on her. Any tips?

Also she is going somewhere fun with her dad omorrow and she asked if i will come. I have so much i need to sort out and exp and i do ot want to spend time together. Do you think it would be better if i did spend time with them or not?

i dont really know what to suggest

My DC have seperation issues too and i just reassure them that i will be back and when i return i say see i told you i would be back

Unfortunately my DC arent seeing their daddy atm so they dont go with him anywhere so havent had to deal with this yet but i hope things work out for you just remember it will take time but it will get easier for her

i dont know what to suggest other than if she goea with some persuasion that may be ok the bracelte thing sounds like a fantastic idea and f this works keep doing it it may turn into a routine thing even when she does not need that reasurance. my dd is similar she has began to point blank refuse to sleep at his house, that I do not force but, when she refused tonight for him to take her to her swimming club on thursday i did tell she must realy and that there is no point in talking about it untill thursday as I know she will get clingy before going but still be proud afterwards that he has taken her. it difficult but she is probably just confused and genuinly worried that you wont come back. she may also just be putting her stamp of unhappiness of the situation. she will adjust to this and so long as you and exp can both be understanding and work on this together things may improve. has he been very close and pro active with her in up untill split?

sorry to hear that soverign.

allhallow - how old is your dd? My dd also does not want to sleep at her dads.

i'm sure things will improve, its just that its hard when she is saying dont leave me as she is happy to spend time with other family members, but not so much her dad

she is 4, i posted on here a few days ago and pretty much as i suspected most people thought i was doing right thing in not forcing her. I think that maybe it should be played by ear each and very time, prob for my dd is dad will not comit to any routine and tends to be as and when he wants so he needs to understand if he had a regular comitment she would know when she is seeing him each week. how old is your dd happenenagain and how are you dealing with it?

I agree that I would not force dd to sleep at her dads house, but would make her go to see him for the day. And I am trying to make her feel comfortable about it. The problem is her dad keeps wanting to have conversations about things infrount of her, as he says i am not talking to him about whatever it is he wants to talk about.

My dd is 3, and we have always been very close, there was a long time when exp was not seeing dd, and we got back together and now he is seeing her. But I think it is the chats he is having with me infrount of dd that is making her not want to see him. As she can see he is being horrible and upsetting me all the time...

She did seem better today tho.

ditto he did not see her and is seeing her again, think this probably has alot to do with it I think she is dealing with the possiblity of being dumped again, my opinion for my dd not necisarily for yours. but yeah the chats prob are fueling this ecpecialy if they get heated. i got xp to call me if he needs to talk about anything when dd is in bed is much easier this way than having these coversations in front of dd. it easier to detach ypour self from him.

i struggled to deal with difficult communication with xp for a long time but as dd is getting older and obviously i do not have any emotional attachment to him any more i can happily disuss things with him I see it that at the end of the day his behaviour has warented enough for me to take charge of dds welfare and so the buck stops with me and i will have final say. I will also make sure i do not use this unreasonibly against him in any way. def do not discuss in front of dd and explain to him that his relationship with her is important to you and so you need to ensure nothing affects this and at the moment it is.

I strongly belive that my dd has not had an oppertunity to build a strong attachment to him and does not see him as a reliable figure in her life, due to break in contact and this damage is irreversible. but the contact can improve. glad she was better today, its difficult for you but honestly you must rise above the emotianly contoling behaviour he seems to be displaying towards you and just respond to him call me later when dd is asleep and we can talk.

seems as thought you know exactly what he is trying to do, as i feel he is trying to control me, and his only way of doing that now is when he is having dd.

He has asked to meet up with me to discuss some contact issues and money etc, but i am so busy trying to get me and dd sorted out at the moment. I will probably talk on the phone to him, but feel when i do that we always get our wires crossed.

Also i really cannot stand him right now, but am tring my best for dd.

How long have you two been apart? I wish I could say i no longer have an emotional attachment to exp.

Happenagain I have no real advice but I think I'm pretty like you. My ds is the same. 3 and screams blue murder every time I leave him. It's heartbreaking for me but I know he needs to spend time with his dad. When exp does take him out, ds wants me to come with them. Exp is starting to feel a bit put out about it that all he cries for is his mum and doesn't want to give him kisses/hugs.

I'm hoping it's just being unsettled. I always tell him when I'm returning and back up the exp in no mummy's not doing that (like helping change his clothes), daddy wants to do it kind of thing.

I'm very like you in that I've always been very close to ds. Exp and I were turbulent at the end of our relationship. He was even worse when we first broke up, upsetting me, not keeping to a routine with ds and I think that's been picked up on.

I think myself kids are more comfortable with routine. I know I was when my parents separated. Now my exp is being more cooperative we are setting up particular nights he takes him. Hopefully it will work but only time will tell

we split whilst i was pregnant, but on off for a short while after but he stopped seeing dd when she was 2.6 and started again 4mnths ago. he is very controling and still trys to but I realy can rise above it, we went through mediation for a bit it has not solved the problem of his controling nature but has helped me a little in having the voice to be heared. I just let him say what he wants to say and when im sure he has finished i just ok, i can understand why you feel like that, want it like this etc etc but this is what I have decided and i do not feel the need to justify myself to him, i may give him an explination but never get into a debate on the situation and if he attempts to i repeat that line of of yes I do understant that but like i said..blah blah. it realy does stop the need to argue or fell upset or threatened.

just rmember you said you do not like him at the moment so just remind your self of that as if you dont like someone nothing they can say can hurt you or make you feel lost for words as long as you can justify things in your own head and know you are being reasonable that is fine.