According to CSA feeding you children is voluntary

[whiteandnerdy]

OK so I'm cross and paraphrasing, never a good combination, however after paying 200 pounds of DCs school dinner money arrears over the last two terms. The CSA has finally got back to me, and tell me that paying for school dinner arrears doesn't count in anyway as maintenance, it's a voluntary payment.

So I guess that 300 pounds a month I pay to the ExP is going on something else other than feeding the children. May explain the two holidays her and her husband have had this year.

It's just the sheer gall of the CSA to say to a farther that seeing your children are fed is 'voluntary'. [raspberry and middle finger emoticon]

Hey, that's for 75 for 2 children I don't know if DSS biological farther pays any maintenance or not. Goodness he's 17 now ... 'paid any maintenance'

But that's still 37.50 per week, (as only 2 of the children are whiteandnery's), which should be matched by their mother who will be receiving child tax credits at £45 per week per child - it is enough. It's certainly enough to bang six pieces of bread together with some ham in the middle, and wang 2 apples in with it.

Oh, sorry, you just mentioned DS3 who is still at Juniors. Change that calculation to £37.50 per week.

DD who is 8 can easily eat her way through that amount ina week.. I spent £150 quid on clotes for her on Saturday. Not the posh stuff mind you, that's boots from shoe zone, shirts from Primark etc. Damn child grows so fast that I c'm considering not feeding her for a while to try and stem the upward movement.

It isn't as simple as '£75 per week', though is it?

For that one child, there is £37.50 maintenance, £14.30 Child Benefit, up to £77 per week CTC/WTC, depending on whether the DH/ExP works or not.

Plus £52.50 per child towards HB, with CB disregarded.

So, £130 per week hard cash, per child, potentially, plus HB.

£10 per week should be ok for meals.

Mehh, for me I don't even need to do the math to work out that, having a holiday in Spain and a holiday in Turkey while letting your childrens school dinners slip into arrears equals something somewhere isn't right.

None of this is the fault of the CSA though is it you should be having a go at your ex not the CSA. They are just telling you the facts, that the amount you pay is the legal minimum and anything else is a voluntary extra

Mehh, maybe, however I'm not so eager to let the CSA off the hook.

It's my perception of CSA that it's taking from one parent to give to the other so the child is adequately provided for. If I as the NRP don't provide for my children the CSA will take steps to force me to provide for my child by forcing my employer to pay them. If my ExP doesn't provide for my children as the RP the CSA steps back and says, "hey nothing to do with us." Personally I find this inconsistant treatment of responsibility for the two parents abhorrent. Are we to applaud the govenment agency for treating two parents rasing the same child be treated so differently based upon the which is labelled as RP and NRP.

Mehh, if the CSA are going to enforce the responsibility that I have to pay maintenance to the Ex, do I not have some small point in expecting that the CSA take an interest in the responsibilities of the person the maintenance is being given to?

CSA monies cover all every day costs for a child.

CSA monies therefore payable to the "parent with care" (who has the child benefit) cover all costs which include school dinners, clothing.

Presumably the father provides for the children when they are in his care.

He is fulfilling his responsibilities by paying child maintenance as has been worked out using the appropriate formula under the child support legislation.

Father also incurs costs for when the children are in his care care (cost of a bedroom/heating/extra mortgage or rent/food/heating etc etc).

Any other costs incurred (school trips) should be share equally.

Personally I would not have paid this arrears and said to the school, this is the mother's responsibility, you are very confused as she receives child maintenance for this, you would be willing to maybe meet 1/2 the costs (to show good willing) ... and that's it.

seems like the ex is trying to have her cake and eat it! (well the kids aren't eating any cake are they????)

badum ... tish!!!

she's taking the mick. you are paying a good level of maintenance for the children (not for her). She also has to contribute to the cost of their upbringing. She is the one in receipt of CB and any other benefits.

Pay what you are due and let her deal with the rest - it is her responsibilty. You are not being a bad parent - she just needs to cut her cloth according to her responsibilities. there is always less money to go round when a home splits in two (two running costs for example) and therefore EVERYONE has to adjust their spending accordingly.

so let me get this straight. She gets 35 per week from you for each one, 15 each if you break down the cb, 45 with tax credits, so what 95 per week, per child and she cant manage dinner money. Next time inform them that you are very sorry but it is her responsibility (although I applaud you for committing to your kids regardless!) and then apply for residency.

Well, I've sent a mail to the local council to ask if I am actually liable for school meals, and where I stand with social services if I simply refuse to pay for school dinners.

As for residency, I'm applying for a residency order to see them more during the week but we shall have to see. However I don't think it's helpfull to bring the subject of money up in the same breath as talking about access. Although I'm sure that's why the Ex is being so instant that I have to drive the DC over to hers at bedtime on Tuesdays.

Mate, been there done that. When I first split up with the ex, the deal was I paid for the child minder, she paid for afterschool club for DD. Arrears built up and they called me. I ended up having to pay both.

The thing is, by trying to do the "right thing", you are in fact encouraging her behaviour. Each time you cave in and put your hand in your pocket then she has a sly smile at the fact she's poked you in the eye.

Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind. Yes in the short term your kids may suffer and undoubtly now things will get worse before they get better. But once she realises you are not going to dance to her tune no matter what she tries then things will settle.

The more you step in to pay for stuff she refuses to, the more she will test your limits to see how much she can get away with. The more she does, the more she laughs at how pathetic you are being.

So your choice is to keep rolling over then venting here, or to man up and stand up to her.

Oh and as for those working out how much per child he's paying. Give me a break. Nerdy's paying a good whack and don't forget that his ex is also expected to spend some of the money she earns/gets in benefits too! It's not down to him to pay every penny so his ex can go on her jollies and refuse to pay for stuff.