How flexible should I be?

[windygardens1]

I need some perspective here. I've recently engaged in a rather bitter exchange with my ex about his contact with the kids. He regularly requests that we swap dates to fit in with his work and social life (he has regular contact, and is a good father). I often feel like his glorified baby sitter, especially when he does not reciprocate the gesture.

I know that there should be some flexibility, but where do you draw the line?

I've read so many web pages about access and so much of it is focused on the father and ensuring the mother does not interfere with their contact with the kids. But what about the other way round? Why do I feel that I'm the one being messed about here?

Trying to be as child-centred here as possible, should I put my own feelings aside and go with the flow or should I enforce some sort of 'policy' regarding his access to kids? I'm thinking the following:

1. We should both agree that we should not interfere with our agreed weekend time with our kids
2. The weekend schedule should only change for special occasions - weddings, etc
3. That the first point of call for baby sitting outside the agreed access arrangement should be with the co-parent.
4. The father can request extra time with the kids.

Does this sound fair? Any advice would be welcome.

It sounds fair to me.

Well it does sound fair, but isn't that what he's doing? Calling on you to babysit when he's not available... And that's what's narking you off...

How old are your dc and how often is contact with dad? You mention every other weekend. Is there other contact during the week and extra in the holidays? Does all the swapping and chamging confuse your dc at all or is it just annoying you?

My guess is he's not trying to annoy you. He's trying to have good quality contact with teh dc rather than when he is tired or hung over etc.
And he wouldn't guess you feel like his babysitter unless you explain that too him. After all you have to take care of them no matter what else is going on in your life. It is a different perspective and I do understand how that makes you feel. But probably he doesn't. So there's no point getting annoyed with him, just got to find ways to deal with and handle better.

So if he's taking advantage then perhaps a work to rule for a few weeks might be in order. Explain to him that you're finding it interfers with your plans etc so weekend contact won't change for a while. And if you think you can discuss it without getting in a big row then perhaps explain hat as a parent you can't pick and choose the time that suits you best to have the dc and you find it difficult that he seems to do the same. But then that's the reality isn't it, you're the parent and he's relegated to the role of contact/fun parent.