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The ex's Parents

7 replies

socdiss · 10/10/2010 20:42

Me and my ex really don't get on. He's not bothered about the kids and only sees them once a week. Now his Mum and Dad are expecting me to let them have access whenever they want! I think that since their his parents its up to him to sort this out and take them over on his access days. why should I ferry them around? Has anyone else had any to deal with anything like this?

any advise on how you deal with the dreaded ex in laws X

OP posts:
readywithwellies · 10/10/2010 21:04

Refuse, you are not part of their family anymore. However, be prepared for additional requests from exp to accommodate.

Niceguy2 · 10/10/2010 21:18

Bollox. What are you? The unpaid sitter???

If they want to see the kids, they can sort their son out into having decent contact then using his time.

I'd send a note to them saying that you'd be happy for them to see the grandkids during his time and that you are open to him having the kids more. (assuming you are)

gillybean2 · 11/10/2010 11:05

Ok so how often are we talking here?
Are your dc happy and wanting to see their gps?
Is there any reason the gps can't come and collect the dc themselves or visit at your house? Are they very old, frail, have no transport...? I it impinging significantly on your time with the dc?

If you and your ex were still together would you feel he had to do all the running around re this or would you have made some effort - had them over, dropped the dc to them, invited them to the zoo/theme park with you, asked them to babysit...?

My ds's dad doesn't acknowledge he has a child and wants no contact. His parents are very upset at this and have always maintained contact despite this. They live abroad but regularly write, send parcels and presents, email etc. My ds has benfited enormously from knowing he has an extended family who care and love him. Most of his clothes come via them, and they lavish him with gifts at Xmas and Birthday (I know probably some of it is guilt at their son, but isn't that what gps do anyhow?)

Why should they and my ds miss out just because their son is an ar*e!? From my point of view it's very important for my ds to have this link and so I do keep them up to date on his progress, send photos and ensure he writes and emails them too. If they lived in this country I would be making the effort to ensure they saw him regularly too. But I know they would more than likely be making the effort to have this contact and visit, despite their own son's hostility to it.

So from my point of view I think it does rather depend how much contact they want and how often and what you would need to do to facilitate it. Are we talking about them wanting to see their gc ever week, living a distance away, and expecting you to drop them over and pick them up each time. Or are they simply wanting to see them in the holidays, maybe have them over for treats, sleepovers, days out. You would be getting a break at these times too possibly. And how about asking them to babysit so you can go out...? It could work to yor advantage in some ways too. Plus your dc will be maintaining a very important link to their extended family.

I would perhaps respond to them saying that you are of course happy for them to see the grandchildren and have they spoken to your ex re this. It is after all quite likely they have tried and also not got a very satisfactory response from him.

So their only option is to approach you. How much are you willing to do to facilitate this? Bear in mind that one day you could be the grandparent struggling to see yours grandchildren if your dc's marriages don't succeed. How would you hope to be treated?

Such things are never easy, but durely it's a good thing they want to stay in contact despite their son. Look at it from your dc's point of view.
Good luck

Antalya1 · 11/10/2010 11:53

gillybean couldn't have put it better myself, if they are good people then they do have a right to have contact, you may have set out some reasonble ground rules if things are a little tricky, but that should ease in time.

Are they really that dreaded?

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 11/10/2010 12:00

Totally agree with Gillybean.

I would just see them as an extension of the family/family friends and hopefully fit them in at some points throughout the year.

Leslaki · 11/10/2010 18:42

Agree with Gillybean.
Although I rtied to maintain the contact but they have decided to stop it - through pressure from their prat of a son I strongly expect. I still make a point though of sending a Christmas card and photos etc every year. their choice - they know where we are and have been told they are welcome to contact us at any time.

ladydeedy · 12/10/2010 20:10

agree. you shouldnt deny your children the joy of having loving grandparents. They are grandparents, regardless of the fact that you and the father are no longer together. Also, I would suggest that him seeing them "only once a week" is actually pretty good in the scheme of things, given what else I have read on here?

As the children live with you, of course they approach you - why would they make arrangements with their son, who is not responsible on day to day basis for the children? that would potentially create more problems for you...

they are family, regardless...

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